Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Check it out, Beavis. She's got money on her head.

Beavis

Yeah. Money is cool.

Butt-head

She's gonna take all that money on her head, and go play video games. On her horse.

Beavis

Yeah. Is this Paula Abdulla?

Butt-head

Yeah. Is this video about Jesus?

Beavis

Yeah. Christ is cool.

Butt-head

Whoa, is that the Great Pumpkin?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Hey, Butt-head, what's the Great Pumpkin from again?

Butt-head

It's from that Charlie Brown thing. That show about that bald kid.

Beavis

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

It's that kid with the blanket that believes in the Great Pumpkin.

Beavis

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's, uh, um, Penis.

Butt-head

His name's not "Penis." It's "Anus."

Beavis

Oh, yeah, yeah, Anus.

Butt-head

You're getting him mixed up with that dude Choder who plays the piano. He's a penis.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. That's not cool to call someone a "penis" just because they play the piano.

Butt-head

No, Beavis, that's what you call someone who plays the piano. You call them a penis.

Beavis

Wow, really? That's cool. You know what we should do? We should go to that piano store in the mall and just start saying, "Penis! Penis! Penis!"

Butt-head

Yeah! That's a good idea, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah. So, like, uh, like, what happens with that Great Pumpkin? Like, what's he supposed to do?

Butt-head

He, like comes out of the pumpkin patch at night, and he, uh...

Butt-head

WHOA! You can see up that chick's dress!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

So, uh, anyways, uh...what was I talking about?

Beavis

You were talking about seeing up that chick's dress.

Butt-head

Oh, yeah.

Your mama...

Beavis

Whoa!

Butt-head

"Your mama."

Butt-head

These are generations just sitting around the campfire telling stories about your mom.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head.

Your mama... got the patience of an angel...

Butt-head

Uh, look at that, Beavis. It's a mom who cares about her son. [cackles] This song is not about your mom.

Beavis

Ugh, come on, Butt-head, come on.

Butt-head

Because if it was, it would be, [singing] "Your mama, went to the store to get the Plan B, then did drugs during her pregancy!"

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

[still singing] "Your mama, likes to have sex with lots of dudes and leave you in a hot car!"

Beavis

Oh, well that's true, yeah.

Butt-head

"Your mama, got in a fist fight with her case worker!"

Beavis

Oh yeah... I'd rather have that than one of these moms that like cares about you, and she like, is always around. Because that turns you into a wuss.

Butt-head

Uh, oh yeah. Moms like that suck. They're always like, "Uhhh, I'm Jeremy's mom, I came to his play! Eugh!"

Beavis

Oh yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

"The play's so good, and Jeremy's the best part. Eugh, Jeremy, I love you!" If my mom ever said that to me, I'd kick her out of the house.

Beavis

Yeah, really! In fact it's kinda weird that you just said it, Butt-head. Don't ever do that again. I'll kick your ass. You shouldn't even joke about stuff like that!

Butt-head

Beavis, you seem upset. Does this video bring up issues?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

Do you wanna talk about it? [cackles] I'm here for you if you wanna talk about it.

Beavis

Oh, come on, Butt-head.

Butt-head

You know who's not here for you? [singing] "Your mamaaa!"

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Beavis

AAHHHHHH! [Butt-head laughs throughout the video] THIS SUCKS! AHHHH! AHH, BUTT-HEAD! Change it, this sucks!

Butt-head

No way! Suffer, dude!

Beavis

Give me that thing, Butt-head! Come on, give me the remote, this sucks! This isn't funny, Butt-head, come on!

Butt-head

Give me a dollar.

Beavis

That's not funny, Butt-head, come on, this sucks! AAHHHHHH! AAHHHHHH!

Butt-head

Okay, Beavis. Don't soil your drawers. [changes channel]

Butt-head

This was before the music revolution.

Beavis

Hey, this looks like that Les Miserables poster. In Mrs. Dickey's class?

Butt-head

Yeah. This Les Miserables-looking thing sucks.

With the record selection and the mirror's reflection, I'm dancing with myself...

Beavis

This guy does everything by himself.

Butt-head

Hey! I detect masturbatory overtones.

[singing with Billy Idol] Playing with myself! Oh oh, playing with myself!

Well there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove, I'll be dancing with myself...

Butt-head

He's talking about choking his chicken.

Beavis

Yeah. He's talking about spanking his monkey.

Butt-head

Is this, like, Satanic music?

Beavis

No way, dude, it's not cool enough. [imitates the song's bass guitar riff, Butt-head soon joins in]

Butt-head

If you play this backwards, it says, "This sucks."

Beavis

Yeah!

Butt-head

These guys are from, like, Austria or something.

Beavis

Yeah. Like that Crocodile dude. The Outback.

Butt-head

You said "outback."

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, check this out. [bad Australian accent] "A dingo took your baby!"

Butt-head

You said "dingo"! What if a dingo bit off your dingo? That would be cool!

Beavis

No it wouldn't! That would suck!

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Let's rock. [changes channel]

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis! Have you ever, like, gone to a public pool, and then like, gone underwater and looked at people's butts?

Beavis

Yeah. That's cool. I do it all the time!

Butt-head

This is wuss music!

Beavis

Yeah. [changes channel]

Beavis

Oh!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

Hey, this looks like it might be good. Yeah!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

Uh huh. Yeah! [a missile strikes a road sign] OOOOHHH!

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

Ye-eeaah! Now we're getting somewhere!

Butt-head

It's like, you can say what you want about Maiden, but when it comes to making videos, they don't screw around.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Like, even if Maiden did unplug, I bet they'd still have explosions. Yeah! And chicks!

Butt-head

Yeah, they'd be, like, "We're not gonna unplug the explosion machine, dude. That's what got us here."

Beavis

Yeah!

Hell is from here to eternity.

Butt-head

Hell is from here to eternity?

Beavis

Um, wait a minute. That can't be true, Butt-head. 'Cause, like, if Hell was really, like, from here to eternity...

Butt-head

M hm.

Beavis

...then that means, like, Hell was, like, everywhere. So like, it's like - like, everywhere is Hell, so it's like, if you say to somebody, "GO TO HELL! GO TO HELL!", you're just, like, really saying, "Stay right there!" You know. You know what I'm saying?

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

So like, it's like, Hell is from here--

Butt-head

Uh, go to Hell, Beavis.

Beavis

Um, okay. No problem. I'll stay right here. See?

Butt-head

No, I mean, just shut up! It's like, every time you try to figure something out...

Beavis

Uh huh?

Butt-head

It's just, like, stupid.

Beavis

I understand, yeah.