Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

It's like, I didn't know you could like, rock on the piano.

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like all you need to do is like, y'know, kick the piano and do it with your cousin and, you'll be cool forever.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Or maybe you could like do it with the piano and kick your cousin! Yeah!

Butt-head

Beavis.

Beavis

Oh, sorry about that.

Beavis

Hey, hey! Quit looking at me like that! You wanna fight?!

Butt-head

You always like, talk tough in front of the TV set but if that dude was really here, you'd be a total wuss.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head! I'd take him on.

Butt-head

No you wouldn't! You'd be going like [Mocks Beavis's voice] Yeah...huh huh huh...yeah...huh huh huh.

Beavis

Yeah. [snickers] Yeah.

Butt-head

Is that that Christian Slater dude?

Beavis

Yeah. It's like "Christians? Later, dude."

Butt-head

Beavis, quit trying to be funny. It never works.

Butt-head

Whoa! This part of the song sucks. It's like, that other part is pretty cool, but it's like, they go into all these different parts, and most of them suck.

Beavis

If they could just stick to that one part that's cool, you know? Not play the stuff that, like, sucks, and uh, you know, then like, you know, we'd all be like, you know, we'd all be a little better.

You've got time, but you ain't got time for me...

Butt-head

Look at him! He's saying his dad doesn't have time for him.

Beavis

Aww! Aww! He ain't got time for me!

Butt-head

He's practically crying.

Beavis

Aww! That's too bad.

Butt-head

Uhh, I think this dude is checking you out, Beavis.

Beavis

No he's not! Liar.

Butt-head

Yeah he is. He's like, "I like what I see. I'll be right over."

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! He can't see me, because he's just looking at the camera, he's in the video.

Butt-head

Remember that time that dude was saying that stuff to you at the bus station?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

He said, "I like what I see. Now why don't you go into one of those stalls and I'll meet you there."

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! At least I got a candy bar out of the deal.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Who the hell is this buttmunch?! What's going on here?

Butt-head

What's with all these faces he's making? He's like, trying to be scary and all heavy and intense and stuff.

Beavis

Who's this other guy, that keeps, like, trying to get in front of him?

Butt-head

I think he's just some jackass that wandered on the set. Maybe he's like, the drummer, and like, they got there and they said "Where are your drums?" and he's like, "Uhh, I thought they were in the van."

Beavis

And they're like, "You mean you didn't bring your drums?"

Butt-head

And they said "Okay, it's your own fault. You're gonna have to wander around like a buttmunch for the whole video."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. And then he said "Okay, that's okay with me, yeah. I can do that."

Butt-head

What a jack-butt-munch-ass-dumb-butt.

Butt-head

Look at that little braid thing on the back of his head.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like, one of those dolls, where you pull the string, and they, like, talk and stuff.

Butt-head

That would be a cool doll if you had, like, this little bald dude without a shirt, and you, like, pull a string on the back of his head and he just starts shouting at you. And then it could wet its pants.

Beavis

[sings] American Woman!

Butt-head

They think they're bad cause they're walking slow.

Beavis

Check it out, Scotty. [imitates Scotty] Captain, she's breaking up! We can't hold out much longer! Get out your seat and jump around! Jump around!

Butt-head

[also imitating Scotty] Get out your seat and jump around. Jump around.

Beavis

These guys are like, it's like they're trying to be House of Pain.

Butt-head

Yeah. And the Beastie Boys, and uh, Goodfellas...

Beavis

And Resavore Dogs.

Butt-head

You know, if these dudes were as cool as they think they are, they'd be hanging out with chicks on a Saturday night.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, really. Or at least, like, watching TV or something. I wonder where these guys get these clothes?

Butt-head

Uh, you can get them at this place called Buy George down at the mall.

Beavis

No way, really? Cool.

Beavis

Who are these guys, anyway?

Butt-head

Uh, the Lordz of Brooklyn.

Beavis

I thought there was only one Lord. That's what they said in Sunday school.

Butt-head

You're thinking of, like, outer space, Beavis. That's where the lord lives.

Butt-head

I've seen this video before. It sucks.

Beavis

Wow! You know, I was just thinking the same thing, then you said it! You must, like, read minds or something.

Butt-head

Uh, yeah, I can do that. I have, like, ESP...N.

Beavis

Whoa, really? That's cool.

Butt-head

Yeah. I knew you were gonna say that.

Beavis

Wow. So what am I gonna say next?

Butt-head

You're gonna say "Yeah, huh huh huh huh"

Beavis

Yeah, heh heh. Wow! You did it again. That's cool!

Butt-head

I knew you were gonna say that, too.

Beavis

Okay, let's try it one more time. I'm gonna think about something.

Butt-head

Okay...ummm....mmmm...dammit Beavis! [slaps Beavis several times]

Beavis

Cut it out, butthole!

Butt-head

Don't ever think about that again.

Beavis

Wow, this is really cool. Okay, let me do it now. You think of something.

Butt-head

Okay.

Beavis

Um...are you thinking about...is it some flies?

Butt-head

No.

Beavis

Is it a suitcase of some kind?

Butt-head

No.

Beavis

Are you thinking you're gonna smack me?

Butt-head

No, but that's not a bad idea. [slaps Beavis several times]

Beavis

That's all you need anyway, is a beer, a chair, and a TV. I mean if I go through life and wind up never scoring, I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I just had a beer, a chair and a TV--

Butt-head

Beavis, you are NEVER going to score.

Beavis

I'm not saying I'll never score. I'm just saying, y'know, if that's the way it worked out, it wouldn't be too bad...well, no, it would suck, but it would be if I had a TV, and um...dammit! Nevermind.

Butt-head

You'll be lucky if you even drink a beer. You'll probably never have a chair either.

Beavis

This is gonna suck.