That's all you need anyway, is a beer, a chair, and a TV. I mean if I go through life and wind up never scoring, I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I just had a beer, a chair and a TV--
Beavis, you are NEVER going to score.
I'm not saying I'll never score. I'm just saying, y'know, if that's the way it worked out, it wouldn't be too bad...well, no, it would suck, but it would be if I had a TV, and um...dammit! Nevermind.
You'll be lucky if you even drink a beer. You'll probably never have a chair either.
Madonna, Fever
Whoa! She's got a small, furry animal in her mouth.
This chick was married to that dude who would punch you if you took his picture.
Yeah...that Woody Allen dude.
No, assmunch! Woody Allen's the dude who went out with his daughter.
Oh yeah. Hey Butt-head, if you were a chick, would you like, go out with your stepdad?
Uh...not if his name was Woody.
Yeah. What if his name was Stiffy?
Uh...well...maybe. Stiffy Allen. Whoa! She's almost naked! That gives me a special feeling on my Woody Allen.
Madonna, Secret
Madonna looks pretty normal here.
Yeah, really. She just looks like a normal, white-haired old lady walking down the street to get some groceries. You know what I'm saying?
Uh...yeah. But, you know, for a white-haired old lady, she still looks pretty good.
Oh yeah! You know, I'd do her...
Beavis, you'd do your old white-haired grandma if you had the chance.
No way, Butt-head! My grandma's got brown, kinda purple hair.
Madonna's always like...masturbating during her videos.
Yeah, but like, when she masturbates, she's still doing it with Madonna, but when you spank your monkey, you're just having sex with Beavis!
Marilyn Manson, Get Your Gunn
Whoa! I think he's saying "Get your gun."
Uh...I think this is one of those "Stop the violence" things...you know, like enough is enough.
You know, they really should um, stop the violence, because sometimes it hurts, you know? It's like, maybe you like, gave peace a chance, and like...[Butt-head smacks Beavis] OW! CUT IT OUT, BUTT-HEAD!
Shut up, Beavis! I'm trying to watch this! [Beavis kicks Butt-head in the testicles] UUHH! Dammit, Beavis!
Dammit Butt-head! I'm just trying to say, you know, that if they stopped the violence...[Butt-head slaps Beavis again]
Now quit acting like a damn wuss, Beavis, or I'm gonna get medieval on your ass!
Marilyn Manson, Long Hard Road Out of Hell
Uh...boy, Cher has sure gone downhill.
Yeah, yeah, really! It's like, her boobs have gotten smaller, and she's like...all weird...
Yeah, but that's like, when you get old, you get this thing called mentopause, and like, your boobs go away, and like, your butt swells up...
Whoa, really? You know, I think that might be happening to me, Butt-head!
Dammit Beavis, pull your pants up!
Uh...wait a minute. This isn't Cher.
Oh yeah. Yeah, you're right, it's Charles Manson!
No, dumbass. It's Marilyn Manson.
Oh. Really? Um, where have I heard that name? Charles Manson...
You know all these people in this video? They're all like, part of this Manson dude's family, and then they like, do it with each other, and then they like, go out and kill people and cut their ears off and stuff?
Yeah, and like, this is how they like, spend Thanksgiving. They sit around and get naked and scream.
You know, I've seen a lot of stuff, but this is really just disturbing, and just really wrong, and this is just bad.
These people are messed up.
I got a pamphlet I'd like these guys to read. You know what I'm saying?
They're all gonna spend an eternity in Hell.
How does he make it, so like, you can't see his schlong?
Oh, it's easy, Butt-head. You push it down to your taint and you tape it to your buttcrack with duct tape. I've done it before.
Uh...why did you tape your wiener to your buttbrack, Beavis?
Um...I don't know, I wanted to try it, I thought maybe it'd save time.
Uh...wait a minute, Beavis. That's a dude! [Beavis screams] You want to make love to a dude, Beavis!
Shut up, Butt-head! Shut up! You said you wanted to do him too!
Yes you did! You said "Yeah, I wanna do her, come to Butt-head!"
No, I didn't, Beavis! Shut up before I kick you a new bunghole! [singing] Beavis wants to make love to a dude...
SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD! Whoa, it's Matt Pinfield!
You wanna do it with him too, Beavis?
SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD! I'm serious! I'm gonna haul off and kick you in the nads!
[Laughs] Beavis is a lesbian.
MC 900 Ft. Jesus, If I Only Had a Brain
[Beavis hums along with the bassline]
Check it out, this dumbass is trying to mail himself. Beavis...cut it out, Beavis. Dammit Beavis, cut it out. Uhh, that'd be cool if, like, I could, like, mail myself. I could put a stamp on my butt and say, like, "Take me to somewhere cool". Beavis, shut up.
[still humming along] Higher!
Beavis, do you hear me? Shut up! Shut up, Beavis! Beavis, if you don't stop that right now, I'm gonna smack you upside the head!
[sings along] Still be here with you...
I'm gonna give you three seconds, Beavis! What the hell's the matter with you, Beavis? [smacks Beavis]
OOOWW!! [resumes humming along]
Beavis, do you hear me? [smacks Beavis again] Shut up!
AH! OW! [resumes humming along]
Remember that time you turned that jack-in-a-box into a crap-in-the-box? That was cool. Uhh, Beavis? Beavis?
[singing along] Higher, higher!
Beavis! What's your problem, Beavis? I said stop it! [fed up with this, Butt-head hums along. Beavis stops humming along.]
Bobby McFerrin, Don't Worry, Be Happy
