Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

This is what it's all about.

Beavis

It's like, you watch all these videos, you watch TV, everything sucks, and then something like this comes on, and it's like, it's cool!

Beavis

It's like, you have to watch TV for hours and hours and hours before you see this video, but it's like, when you do it's all worth it.

Butt-head

It sure is. You know what they should do? They should, like, tell you what time the video's like in TV Guide or something.

Beavis

That would be cool. But then it's like, you'd still have to like, watch for hours and hours and hours until it came on.

Butt-head

No you wouldn't, Beavis! It's like, if they say it's gonna be on like, at eleven o'clock or something, then like, you know when it's gonna be on.

Beavis

Yeah, but like, if it's like, six o'clock, then it's like, you have to keep watching it, because it's not on.

Butt-head

Uhh...oh yeah. Well, at least you what time it's on, though.

Beavis

So, how do you know what time it is?

Butt-head

Uhh, I dunno. I guess you'd have to keep watching until the video came on. Then it's like, you'd know what time it is.

Beavis

Yes, yes, GWAAAARRRR!!! Yeah, alright!

Butt-head

Cool!

Beavis

Whoa, GWAR has horns now?

Butt-head

Yeah, they taught the sex slaves to play horns. It's like Balsac told 'em - "Throwing blood and urine in the audience isn't enough. You guys need to learn how to play something".

Butt-head

I heard that one time, this kid had a seizure at a GWAR concert, and that singer dude told everybody not to help him.

Beavis

Really? Uh oh, it's happening...[convulses as if he was having a seizure]

Butt-head

I'm not gonna help you. Oderus Urungus would want it that way.

Beavis

Thanks, Butt-head.

Beavis

Um...whoa, cool! Look at that giant worm thing!

Butt-head

It's like, it eats really hot chicks, and then it takes a dump.

Beavis

Now that's a damn good show right there. [mock-Arabic accent] Yeah, yeah, yeah, they shall drown in their own blood!

Butt-head

[also imitating an Arabic accent] The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers.

Beavis

The mother of all wars has begun!

Beavis

Who is this?

Butt-head

Uh...is this that Toyota Jackson chick?

Beavis

Yeah, it's like...it's Toyota Jackson dressed up like Wonder Woman.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. [reacting to video] ...Oh no.

Beavis

Yeah. No! NO!

Butt-head

Who could that be?

Beavis

Whoa, it's Geraldo!

Butt-head

Uh-oh, don't let Primus in.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, they'll trash the place. They'll BREAK stuff!

Butt-head

Yeah. My name is Mud!

Beavis

Yeah, MY NAME IS MUD! M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-MUD-MUD! And then he'd SPIT!

Butt-head

He's smiling at you.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Beavis

Oh god.

Butt-head

Look at his face.

Beavis

Look at that crack in his chin.

Butt-head

I think it's a buttcrack.

Beavis

Well I guess that would make sense, since like, there's just a bunch of diarrhea coming out of his mouth.

Butt-head

Yeah. It's like when God was passing out buttcracks, this guy got in line twice.

Beavis

Yeah. And then God gave him one too, you know, the second time.

Beavis

[drinks soda, does a spit take] AAAAHH!!! NO NO NO STOP IT! STOP IT! NO! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! CUT IT OUT! STOP IT! PLEASE SHUT UP! CHANGE THE CHANNEL BUTT-HEAD, RIGHT NOW!!! COME ON!!!

Butt-head

No way. [turns the volume up to full on the television]

Beavis

COME ON, NO, CUT IT OUT, BUTT-HEAD!!! GIMME THAT!!! STOP IT BUTT-HEAD! STOP!

Butt-head

This is cool.

Beavis

NO! YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK!!! NO! NOOOOO!!! SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL KICK YOUR BUTTCRACK FACE IN!!!

Butt-head

You dumbass.

Beavis

[screams unintelligibly]

Butt-head

That sucked, Beavis.

Beavis

Check it out, Butt-head! It's Mallory, that chick from Family Ties.

Butt-head

Yeah. This is really noisy.

Beavis

Yeah. Noise is cool.

Butt-head

This chick is weird.

Beavis

This chick's mouth is crooked.

Butt-head

I wonder why.

Beavis

Yeah. Why is it crooked?

Butt-head

Uh... I don't know.

Butt-head

Beavis, the name of this song is ‘50 Foot Queenie.'

Beavis

Yeah, I'd like a 50 foot queenie.

Butt-head

I'd like a 50 foot weenie.

Butt-head

This chick's got kinda, like, a big mouth.

Beavis

Yeah, really. And her nose is kinda big too.

Butt-head

And you know what they say about having a big nose.

Beavis

Oh yeah. She's probably got a big schlong too.

Butt-head

Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.

Beavis

You can't really do that, Butt-head. So don't even try.

Butt-head

I'm pretty good at smacking you upside the head, though.