Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Whoa, a toilet! Cool!

Butt-head

Yeah. Toilets are cool. They figured, like, since this song was getting wimpy right there, they'd like, just, throw a toilet out.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! I think it helped. I-I wonder if there's a turd inside it?

Butt-head

That's a good question, Beavis. I wondered that myself.

Butt-head

That guy fell over.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! He's gonna get kicked out of the band.

Butt-head

Yeah. That dude in the dress doesn't put up with that crap.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. "You stand up straight, play your guitar, and SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!"

Butt-head

Yes!

Beavis

Whoa, whoa, look, look! Eeh, yeah, yeah, car accidents! Yeah!

Butt-head

That was cool! Uh...

Beavis

Uh, laundry! Yeah.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

Hey, who is this?!

Butt-head

Uh, this is Greta. And this time, he's gone too far!

Beavis

Whoa, look at that wiener!

Butt-head

Yeah! Greta's got quite a unit on him!

Beavis

Yeah! [laughing] He probably has to wear a dress, 'cause like, he can't fit his unit inside a normal pair of pants! It's like, he tries to put his pants on, and it just goes "Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!"

Beavis

You know one cool thing about having a big wiener, it's like, it's like, it protects your nads, you know?

Butt-head

Uh...

Beavis

It's like, it acts as a shield.

Butt-head

I guess. But getting kicked in the wiener is no picnic either, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, but it doesn't hurt as bad, Butt-head. Trust me. Here, I'll demonstrate.

Butt-head

Beavis, I'm gonna kick your ass!

Beavis

Oh, I forgot! You have a small wiener!

Butt-head

Ugh [coughs].

Beavis

You don't have any "nad protection"! Yeah, that was cool!

Butt-head

[coughing] Beavis, as soon as my nads feel better, I'm gonna beat the living crap out of you. Buttknocker!

Beavis

Butt-head. I'm gonna kick you in the nads again! Don't call me that!

Butt-head

You wussy....

Beavis

It's this again.

Butt-head

Whoa! Check it out.

Beavis

Oh wow, it's Grim Reaper again. Whoa, look at that big boat.

Butt-head

These videos are funny.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

These guys should be on that show The State.

Beavis

Yeah. Because they suck.

Beavis

Whoa, what is that thing?

Butt-head

It's like, these guys suck so bad, they have to go to their concerts in these armoured vehicles.

Beavis

You know, that singer, um, he looks a little better in this video, it's like, he doesn't look as ugly as, uh...never mind.

Butt-head

Yeah. It's too bad he's not good looking like me.

Butt-head

Uhh...I think that's supposed to be Wolverine.

Beavis

That's not Wolverine. No, that's not Wolverine.

Butt-head

I know, but like, you know, in England they probably, like, draw him different, because they're dumb.

Beavis

No. That's not Wolverine.

Butt-head

Yeah it is, but he's just like, you know, a little different than the American Wolverine.

Beavis

That is not Wolverine, Butt-head.

Butt-head

Okay, okay, buttmunch, it's not Wolverine! Who cares? Now just shut the hell up so at least I can have a good time watching this crap!

Beavis

Well, how can you have a good time, if it's not really Wolverine, and you think it is...

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, shut up!

Butt-head

[without emotion] Ha ha ha ha ha.

Beavis

Ha ha ha ha. [sees the band] AAAHHH!! OH NO, IS THIS GRIM REAPER?! OH, GOD! OH, DAMMIT!

Butt-head

UH!

Beavis

AAH! What was that? Was that a bulldog?

Butt-head

I think it was a Shih Tzu.

Beavis

Yeah. [In Cornholio accent] A Shih Tzu! Doggie poo!

Butt-head

You know, maybe if they put more suck bands in prison, people would like, you know, try to stay out of prison.

Beavis

Maybe it would have a, um...positive, um, effect on, um, generations of the youth.

Butt-head

Beavis, quit trying to sound smart.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Um...actually, um...I think they all should just get the chair. Including Grim Reaper.

Butt-head

He's got a fat little face.

Beavis

Yeah. He's got a fat bloated face that you get when you eat too many urinal mints.

Butt-head

Uh...what are you talking about, Beavis?

Beavis

You know, those round things that are there, you know, so you can freshen up after you take a leak.

Butt-head

Beavis, you're not supposed to eat those!

Beavis

Oh yeah. I know, I was just kidding.

Butt-head

Dumbass!

Butt-head

Is this Spinal Tap?

Beavis

Yeah, Tap is cool!

Butt-head

This isn't Spinal Tap! This sucks!

Beavis

Yeah, this sucks!

Butt-head

Where'd these guys get their clothes?

Beavis

I think they bought them at that rock and roll store at the mall.

Beavis

Didn't these guys play at the state fair last year?

Butt-head

Yeah. They won a blue ribbon in the pig contest.

Beavis

Eh heh heh, yeah, heh heh. Because he's fat!

Beavis

AAAAAAAHHHHH! Shut up! Shut up!

Butt-head

Yeah. Shut up!

Beavis

You suck!

Butt-head

Stop in the name of all that which does not suck!