That lead singer, he's cool. He reminds me of my cousin.
Oh yeah. Which one?
Uhh, you know...Richard Head?
Debbie Gibson, Out of the Blue
“G”
In this episode: Smart Beavis (51), Smart Butt-head (50)
Check this out.
Yeah. Olivia Newton-John sucks!
That's not Olivia Neuter John, that's that rich chick from 902...6...1.
Oh yeah, Donna.
That's not Donna! Donna's the slut. This is Kelly.
No way, dude! Donna's not a slut. She's a virgin. Kelly's the slut.
Does she look like a slut to you, Beavis?
Yeah, that's why it's Donna!
But you just said Donna's not a slut.
Oh yeah. That must be Kelly.
Girlschool, Play Dirty
Um...is this Alice Cooper?
Uh...this is a chick, Beavis. This is an all-chick band.
Oh yeah. You couldn't put Alice Cooper in an all-chick band anyway, because like, all the chicks would just be all over him.
Yeah. It would be the same way if I was in an all-chick band.
Yeah. Same for like me, or something.
Whoa! That chick would punch.
Uh...I think that was a dude, Beavis.
No way, Butt-head! That's a chick! It's one of those girl boxers. That's cool, they can kick ass. They get in the ring and bitchslap each other.
Beavis, that's not a chick, that's a dude.
No it's not! You said it's an all girl band. It's like they get an all girl band, they get a boxer. [The boxer is punched to the ground] Whoa! Look at the nads on that boxer.
Beavis, chicks don't have nads. How many times to I have to tell you that?
I know that, Butt-head! I just thought, you know, maybe they like, put them on because she was fighting. Like, clip-on nads?
You're a damn weirdo, Beavis. And you're stupid too.
Shut up!
And chicks don't like you.
Shut up, Butt-head! Some chicks like me!
The Go-Go's, The Whole World Lost It's Head
[Sees a woman's bare feet dangling over a road]] AAH! No! Don't stub your toe! That scares me, Butt-head. It's like, you're hanging your feet off the end of the car, and then, [shows feet agian] AAH! There it is again!
Settle down, dumbass.
That's dangerous! It's like, she's letting her feet hang down, and like, it's gonna accidentally hit the asphalt, and then it's like "Ow!"
So what, Beavis?
It's like...I want their feet to look nice, you know?
Really?
Yeah, it's like, I like it when chicks have nice feet, y'know. [Sees feet again] KEEP YOUR FEET UP, COME ON! Then you can like...put your hands on 'em.
Uh...okay, Beavis. I think you oughta just shut up.
[Sees feet again] FEET! FEET! OW!
Dammit, it's like...they keep showing naked feet and hands, and it's like...they need to show the rest.
You have to wait, Beavis. They like to, you know...show a little bit at a time.
Okay, okay, I can wait. [sings along] Has the whole world lost its head...[Sees feet again] AAH, NO! YOU'RE GONNA STUB YOUR TOE! DAMMIT, I WANNA SEE A BOOB NOW!
Dammit Beavis, shut up!
Godspeed, Houston St.
Whoa, this looks like that Cops show.
Yeah, really, it's like [imitates static] KSSHH!! One Adam Five, One Adam Five, we have a female caucasian chick standing in the road acting like a dumb ass. We're going to need back up, come on.
Ah, Roger, One Adam Five. Strip her down naked and bring her to me.
That's a 10-4, good buddy. [speaks incomprehensible gibberish] Come on.
That's pretty cool, Beavis. You could be a cop.
I think it's like, in my blood because I heard my dad was, like, in the navy or something.
This is, like, one of those dudes that's like really intense all the time, like, he wears earrings and stuff, and like, sometimes he's pretty cool, but sometimes you just like, go, "Settle down, dammit!".
Yeah. Guys like this, like, they always come into Burger World telling you why meat's bad for you, and stuff. But it's like, I always tell 'em, "If meat's bad for you, then how come it's food?"
Yeah, really. See, that's a good point.
Then I tell 'em to get the hell out of my restaurant.
This looks like that dude from, uhhh, from that movie, Smell of a Woman.
Oh yeah.
You know, he was, like, blind and stuff.
Yeah, and he's like, "Hoowah! Hoowah! Hoowah!" He's a good actor.
Goo Goo Dolls, Only One
So if you were on a desert island, and you could only bring three things, what would you bring?
Well, let me think. I'd bring some crackers, so I'd have something to eat. And then I'd bring a swimsuit, so I could go swimming. And I'd bring some Cheez Whiz to put on the crackers.
That would be cool.
So what would you bring, Butt-head? You know, if you were on a desert island?
I'd bring three chicks. Then I'd have a massage-a-thra.
You know, I wanna do mine over again. I wanna bring three chicks too.
Beavis, you can't do it over again, you already blew it. I'll be scoring with three chicks while you'll be eating crackers and choking your chicken.
No way, really? Dammit!
The Goops, Booze Cabana
Whoa, look at that shoe! Look, high heels!
Yeah. That must mean there's a chick.
Or Todd Rundgren.
Who?
Todd Rundgren.
Who the hell is he, Beavis?
You don't know who Todd Rundgren is?
Uh, no. And you don't either.
Um...oh yeah.
Uh...he's drinking.
I can hardly wait 'till I get older and like, get a job and stuff so I can drink.
Yeah. I plan on doing some smoking too.
Hey, that's that street where Madonna wanted to have her baby.
So what?
Well, then you think of something to say, bunghole! At least I'm trying.
Okay, I will think of something to say. Schlong. Poop. Anything's better than that.
[a woman grows to an enormous size]
Whoa! Check it out!
She must have been drinking milk, because she's getting bigger, see?
Yeah. And her boobs got bigger too.
Whoa, hey, that just gave me an idea! You know what would be cool, is if they could make me big, then shrink me again, but keep my wiener the same size! That would rule, because then I'd have this gigantic schlong!
Uhh, yeah. But, like, if they could really do that, then you could just have them just make your wiener bigger.
No no, Butt-head. I'm saying they make me bigger, see then because my wiener would get bigger, then shrink me, and keep my wiener the same size.
Dammit Beavis! What are you talking about? Who are "they?" And who cares anyway? Just shut up!
Well...I thought it was a pretty good idea.
Grant Lee Buffalo, Mockingbirds
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.