Scenes with Smart Butt-head 1,797
Butt-head I'm getting sick and tired of these videos where there's like, college dudes, and they're all in the water and you know, being all smartass...
Butt-head Uh...maybe we should turn the TV off.
Okay, yeah! Let's turn it off. Okay. [Butt-head turns the TV off; the two sigh in relaxation] Um...hmm...so um...how's it going?
Butt-head Uh...pretty good.
So um...so uh...so what did you do today?
Butt-head Uh...I've been sitting here all day, Beavis.
Butt-head Uh...oh boy.
Ahh! Okay. So um...you been getting any?
Butt-head Uh...no.
Butt-head Uh...I don't know, let's see.
Yeah, yeah! That's a good idea! [The video comes back on] Oh, cool! A video! Ahh, this is great.
Coolio, Gangsta's Paradise
MP Michelle Pfeiffer
You wanna tell me what this is all about?
Butt-head You wanna tell me what this is all about?
The reason I brought you here, is I wanna do you.
Butt-head Uh...oh yeah. This is from that movie where like, you know, that white chick goes into the hood and teaches everybody how to get good grades.
Oh yeah. They always have movies like that where there's this teacher, and there's like all good, and everybody stops being a gangsta and everybody gets good grades and goes to college.
Butt-head Yeah, and it's like, you know, she "makes a difference" or something.
Yeah. That's really stupid.
Butt-head Yeah. They should like, make a movie that's, you know, realistic...
Butt-head ...where the teacher sucks, nobody learns anything, and in the end, it's like you be all stupid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! That would rule! And then it's like, see, you could have some cars blowing up and stuff, and you could like, show some boobs, and like, a big chase scene, you know...that would rule!
AC Alice Cooper
I can't get a girl 'cause I ain't got a car.
Butt-head Yeah!
A Alice
I can't get a car 'cause I ain't got a job.
Butt-head Yeah.
Butt-head Me neither.
A Alice
I can't get a job 'cause I ain't got a car.
Butt-head Yeah!
Butt-head Life sucks.
A Alice
So I'm looking for a girl with a job and a car.
Butt-head Whoa! Find a girl with a job and a car. That's a good idea.
Oh yeah. This guy's really smart!
Butt-head Yeah. It's like he figures out what his problems are, and then he figures out what to do with it.
A Alice
I can't go to school 'cause I ain't got a gun.
Butt-head Preach on, brother Cooper.
Mmhmm, I know that's right.
A Alice
I ain't got a gun 'cause I ain't got a job.
A Alice
I ain't got a job 'cause I can't go to school
Butt-head That sucks.
A Alice
So I'm looking for a girl with a gun and a job. And a house, with cable.
Butt-head He doesn't get cable?
What a dumbass. If you don't have cable, you might as well, um...go to school or something.
Butt-head He can't go to school, remember? He doesn't have a job or a girl or a car or cable.
He doesn't have cable? No way. I thought all rock stars had cable and stuff.
Corrosion of Conformity, Clean My Wounds
One Adam Five, One Adam Five, we have a wild man in a cemetery, repeat, a wild man in a cemetery!
Butt-head Perpetrator was last seen running around like some kind of butt monkey! Please, uhh...apprehend and stuff.
And uh, kick his ass! Yeah, kick him in the nads.
Butt-head All these videos nowadays, it's like, they have this one really weird dude in 'em.
Yeah, yeah, it's like, all of them have this one really weird guy running around. Except for this video.
Butt-head Uhh, Beavis, I was talking about this video. They got that dude with the damn tattoo and the bald head.
Yeah, but he's not that weird. There's dudes like that everywhere.
Butt-head I know, and they're all weird.
It's like, everybody knows that, y'know, like, death and, like, the graveyard and all that stuff is pretty cool and everything, but it's like, they need to show it in a new way or something.
Butt-head Yeah, really. it's like, y'know, it's pretty cool that they decided to do a video in a graveyard, y'know, with like, a little crazy dude running around, but it's like, I've already seen it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Exactly! It's like, I mean, I don't have all the answers, y'know, it's like I probably couldn't do a better job myself, but y'know, I just gotta say, y'know, frankly, um, uh...it's been done! Heh, heh, Frankly.
Butt-head Frank.
The Cramps, Ultra Twist
N Narrator
And now, the twisted Madam Olga will teach you a lesson you'll never forget.
I think this is Tales From the Crypt! Alright. Sometimes they show boobs.
Butt-head Uhh, I don't think so, Beavis. I don't see the Crypt Keeper.
Oh yeah, yeah. You know that Crypt Keeper, he's got, like, wrinkled up skin and everything? I always wondered what his nutsack looked like.
Butt-head You're a prevert, Beavis.
Well, you know, it's probably all scary-looking. [imitating the Crypt Keeper] Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!!! Good evening, boys and ghouls!
Butt-head Shut up, Beavis. I'm gonna kick you in the nutsack.
Eheheheheh! Naturally! Here's a little tale from my nutsack!
Butt-head That's enough, Beavis.
Butt-head Hey, those are like those sunglasses your grandma wears, Beavis.
Yeah, it's like, [imitating an old lady] "I'm going out to get some medicine and a carton of smokes. Beavis, honey, go get your grandma her sunglasses, okay?" [coughs]
Butt-head Yeah. And then you're like, "Get 'em yourself, buttmunch!"
Yeah, really. Get 'em yourself!
Whoa, Butt-head! Butt-head, look at that up there! You can see something, look!
Butt-head Yeah. There's a lot of butt wigglin' and butt snappin' and like, people sticking their butts out.
Yeah, yeah. This is what we need!
Butt-head And then it's like, this guy's goin' around stickin' his butt out goin': "Jam it in and screw i-uuuuuuuuut! Do the ultra twee-uuuusssssst!"
Boy, this is some nasty stuff.
Butt-head These guys understand the importance of a good butt.
Crowbar, All I Had (I Gave)
Butt-head Whoa! This dude looks like that assistant football coach.
Yeah. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY, BOY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!! "
Butt-head Yeah. "WHAT KIND OF A MAN ARE YOOOOOUUUUUU? "
"YOU LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF GIRLS OUT THERE!!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OVER THERE AND SHAKE IT OFF AND GIVE UP RIGHT NOW?! "
Butt-head How many fat dudes are there in this band?
Um, uhhhhhhhh, well, there's at least, um, two.
Butt-head Yeah. They need to get a big, fat drummer.
Yeah, really. And like, just a couple big, fat dudes dancing around would be cool too.
Butt-head He's having trouble defecating.
KW Kirk Windstein
OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!)
Butt-head He just took a dump!
Crowbar, Existence Is Punishment
Butt-head Oh yeah. They're always taking a dump.
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Beavis and Butt-Head · 2,204 quotes
Butt-head