“C”
In this episode: Smart Beavis (69), Smart Butt-head (65), Butthead (3), Johnny Cash (1)
Uhh, check it out! An Indian!
You know, something I've always wondered about Indians, are they Mexicans?
Uhh, Beavis?
Yeah?
Remember, you asked that question in Social Studies, and the teacher sent you to the principal's office?
Oh yeah, yeah. And the principal didn't know either!
Uh, do you know what "Cage the Elephant" means?
Oh yeah, like um, choking your chicken?
Beavis, you think everything means that! But uh, in this case, it does.
[laughing and a shot of a very content face is shown]
Whoa! That guy just caged his elephant!
California Raisins, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
What's this? This is pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah! Who are these guys?
They look kinda like turds!
Yeah, yeah! Turds are cool!
Hey Beavis, if turds could talk, what would they say?
They'd say: "I don't like being a turd! Being a turd sucks!" It's like, you gotta, like, try to swim in the toilet, and then you like, get flushed down, and then you, go through the pipes, and then you go out to the ocean! And then there's like, sharks and stuff!
Shut up, Beavis! Turds don't drown. They float!
Oh yeah, yeah!
[a group of camels are shown]
Whoa! Those giraffes are pretty cool!
Yeah, yeah! I like the turds better though.
Would you feel bad about flushing a talking turd?
No way! I'd say: "Drown you fecal matter!"
Cannibal Corpse, Staring Through the Eyes of the Dead
[immitating the singer's growl] OAAAA! DAAAAUUUUGH! Yeah. It's like, everybody sings like this now.
WHoa, look at their hair, Butthead! It reminds me of like those pom poms, at like pep rallies.
You go to pep rallies?
Yeah. You know, sometimes I go just to check out the butts.
If these guys practiced their instruments, as much as they practiced shaking their hair around, they'd be like pretty good, probably.
I don't know, they'd probably still suck, probably. But you know maybe that's just me, I don't know.
Carcass, Heartwork
[the band members have long blonde hair]
Whoa, check it out, it's Cousin Itt!
Yeah.
[jabbers like Cousin Itt]
[seeing what appears to be two men using a welding torch on a taller man's rectum]
Whoa, what are they doing to that guy?
Uhh...maybe they're welding his buttcheeks shut.
Um, heh...why would they do that?
Uh...I dunno, I think it would be cool to have a butt without a crack. It's like, instead of having two buttcheeks, you just have one. That would rule.
So like, um, how would you take a dump?
Uhh, it's like, you wouldn't have to take a dump anymore. Because like, you know, you'd only have one butt.
Really? But, I dunno, I'd kinda miss it.
This buttmunch sounds like Dave Mustaine.
Yeah, really. [imitates Dave Mustaine, growls incomprehensible gibberish]
Yeah. What a buttmunch!
Whoa look, he just flipped somebody off!
He did?
Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool cool.
Uhh, not unless we know who he flipped off.
Oh yeah.
[sees a man being crucified] Maybe he flipped off that dude.
Yeah, what is that?
Uhh, I think it's like, a gong.
Yeah, it's like, you hit him in the nads and he goes [screams] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Yeah. Why don't they do that? It might help the song out a little bit.
Johnny Cash, Delia's Gone
Uh...who is this dude? He looks familiar.
Oh yeah! That's um, um, uh, what's his name, uh...Captain Kangaroo!
Captain what?
You know, Captain Kangaroo! With Mr. Green Jeans and Magic Drawing Board. You know.
Um...what kind of music is this?
Uh...I think this is like some kinda gangsta rap.
I bet this dude scores a lot because like, he wears black.
Plus, he's like, old.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
