Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

That guy looks like a cheerleader. Yeah, yeah: "All those years of hard work and practice in the garage, finally pay off when you see the looks on those peoples faces out in the audience!"

Butt-head

These dudes are like: "Look at me, I'm kicking!"

Beavis

"Yeah, yeah, look at me! I'm throwing my guitar around and wiggling my butt, see?! Just like we practiced!"

Butt-head

"Yeah, look at me! I'm shaking my hips and kicking just like we did at practice!"

Beavis

Oh, man! Boy I'm glad that's over.

Butt-head

Yeah. Check it though, they're not stopping.

So what do you think, y'think we got a hit with this one?

Butt-head

[mockingly] "So you think we got a hit? Mwuh wuh buh uhhhh."

Beavis

Oh, boy.

Butt-head

Uhhhh.

Beavis

[mockingly] Ohhhh, ah ha ha ha ha! Boy, that was funny!

Butt-head

Uh-oh.

Beavis

Eh ha ha ha! Ohhhhh, they went to Bon Jovi! [mock laughter]

Beavis

These guys are in a trash can.

Butt-head

Yeah. Somebody probably threw them in the garbage.

Butt-head

Who are these guys?

Beavis

Um...I think it's the Village People.

Butt-head

Uh...oh yeah.

Beavis

Well I'll be hornswoggled and dipped in turds!

Butt-head

This guy keeps saying "I wanna destroy you."

Beavis

Yeah, they got some pretty good lyrics, you know? Seems like it must be pretty hard to come up with stuff like that.

Butt-head

Uh, but you know, I bet if I was making as much money as these guys probably make, I bet I could do it too.

Beavis

Uh... I don't know, Butt-head. I don't know, I mean... you're kinda stupid.

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis! I could come up with stuff like this.

Beavis

OK, let's see you write a song. Come on!

Butt-head

Uh... OK. Uh, let's see. Uh...I wanna hit you.

Beavis

Uh-huh.

Butt-head

Then I wanna kick you. Then I wanna smack you across the face. Uh... then I want some nachos... baby.

Beavis

Whoa! That's pretty good, Butt-head! We should start a band.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

That'd be cool.

Beavis

Alright, Montel Williams! Maybe they'll have some whores.

Butt-head

Yeah. Or some sluts!

Beavis

Or a girlfight.

Butt-head

Yeah, or some skank-hos!

Beavis

Yeah...ah, oh no. It's a video.

Butt-head

Uh...

Beavis

...yeah.

Butt-head

Well, see you later Beavis. [Gets up from couch and walks away]

Beavis

Ah, wait wait wait. Wait just a minute. Just check out. Maybe like, "give it a chance?"

Butt-head

Uh...okay. [sits back down] At least it doesn't look like a video.

Beavis

Yeah, exactly.

Butt-head

Uh...doesn't your mom watch Montel Williams?

Beavis

Yeah, she watches Montel Williams, The Jerry Springer Show, Jane Whitney...she watches all of them. She's always like, "I should be on one of those shows, Beavis!" [makes drunken sound]

Butt-head

Yeah, but like, what would be the topic?

Beavis

Um...I don't know.

Butt-head

It would be like, "I'm a slut and my son's a dumbass." Next on Montel Williams.

Beavis

Yeah, that's a good one, Butt-head! That way, we could both be on it. That would rule!

Butt-head

You dumbass.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, who is this?

Butt-head

Uh...I think it's Seinfeld.

Beavis

Really? I didn't know Seinfeld rocked!

Butt-head

Uh...this is like back before he had his show. It's like, you know...Queen Latifah used to do videos and how she has a show?

Beavis

Oh yeah. I like the fat dude on Seinfeld.

Butt-head

I think he replaced the drummer. Remember the episode where they talked about choking their chicken?

Beavis

I thought they talked about not choking their chicken.

Butt-head

Yeah. I like that episode where he can see Elaine's boobs on the Christmas card.

Beavis

No way Butt-head! I couldn't see them!

Butt-head

Yeah, you could see her boobs! TV needs more stuff like that.

Butt-head

This is that group with George Michael, and Kenny G., and Snow.

Beavis

It's a superSUCKgroup!

Butt-head

Oh no.

Beavis

Oh God. Here we go again with another crappy suck video.

Butt-head

Here we go again.

Beavis

This sucks!

Butt-head

[Imitating lead singer] UHUHUHUHUHUHUH!

Beavis

Oh God.

Butt-head

What the hell is the problem with this crap?

Beavis

This sucks.

Butt-head

[Sees a note that says Don't try to follow] Yeah, I think that's what that note said.

Beavis

[in time with the song] Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch. Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch.

Butt-head

If those were the words, it'd be cool!

Beavis

I was thinking of writing a song called "Damn it, Son of a bitch!" And it's gonna go something like "Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Son of a BIIIITTTCCCHHHH!/SON OF A BITCH, SON OF A BITTTCCHHH!/Dammit dammit dammit".

Butt-head

That's pretty cool.

Butt-head

She sucks so bad, they locked her in a box. You know who else ought to do a concert inside of a box? Nelson.

Beavis

Yeah, Bon Jovi.

Butt-head

How come those guys have to use a crowbar? Nobody nailed it shut!

Beavis

They're using Crowbar?

Butt-head

Yeah. They should get that big fat dude from Crowbar to come into this video and straighten everybody out.

Beavis

Yeah. He'd make them all do push-ups.

Beavis

Um...water! Wa-ter!

Butt-head

Yep, there's some water.