Pip quotes from Back at the Barnyard

When Bessie steps right on that spot, a rope will tighten around her ankle, then, she'll get spun around, squirted with lemon juice, and then, that basket of apples will fall all over her! [hysterical] Then, she'll get zipped out that window, AND SMASH INTO THE TREE, BEHIND THE OUTHOUSE! It's hilarious, even just talking about it. [laughs]

Pip

You've stopped sleeping, haven't you?

Yeah, it's been about three days.

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[Bessy is seemingly about to have her brain harvested.]

Wait, wait, wait, don't do it! Please, she's our friend.

Pip

She's the love of my life. We're going to have beautiful cow-mouse babies together.

Hmm? [shakes her head] Mm-mm!

And she's a good person. I mean, sure, she yells a lot, and she insults me, like, 24/7, and snores like a sailor, and...

Pip

Ahem!

But we still like her is the point. I don't want to be on the farm without her.

?"Alien"

You convinced me! Your brain, it is!

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Turn off the fan!

Pip

[unable to hear Otis over the fan's noise] What?!

Turn off the big fan!

Pip

Of course, I'm your biggest fan! These creative types are so insecure.

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[The animals have decided to do chores for the farmer.]

Pip

We're in a lot of trouble, aren't we?

Yeah, a lot of trouble.

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[At the milking machine...]

Abby

You go first.

No way, you go first.

So, how are we doing on the milk, gals? [sees empty buckets] What? What's going on? We should be snorkeling in milk by now.

Look, no one but the farmer is clamping any electric doohickeys to my milk-giving areas.

Bessy, my bashful bovine, it couldn't be safer. Here, let me demonstrate. [fits the hose on his udders] Put these on...

Pip

Otis, that's not how it looks in the instructions.

Relax, I've seen the farmer do this, like, a hundred times. Okay, turn it on, turn it on.

Pip

Okay, you're the boss. [turns the dial, turning the machine on]

Mm-hm. Oh, it's quite, pleasant, actually. It's like a gentle tug. [chuckles, then starts to feel uncomfortable] Okay, slightly less gentle now. [yells in pain] AAH, OH! MY UDDERS... ARE... ON... FIRE!!!

Pip

[mishearing Otis saying "fire"] Higher? You got it! [turns the dial up higher]

[Otis screams hysterically in pain and tries to pull the hose off of his udders.]

[shrilly] TURN IT OFF!!!

[Otis yanks the hose off of his udders and he falls to the floor. Pip turns down the dial, turning off the machine.]

[moans in pain]

[laughs] That is one funny milking machine!

[high voice] Guys, I'm gonna need some private time. [crawls across the floor]

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[reading a note left by the sheep] Dear Duke, you vacuous, simpering moron.

Pip

Hey, you're not vacuous!

Our mental superiority makes it impossible to tolerate your... idiotic leadership? Goodbye for-e-e-e-e-e-e-ver.

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Pip

Welp, there's the glue factory. I told you I knew where it was.

This ain't the glue factory. It looks like a train station.

Pip

Uh, it's a train station slash glue factory.

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[to Otis, about Mrs. Beady] Nice going, dum-dum. 'Cause of you, we're all gonna have to move to the Yukon!

I can't move to the Yukon! I'll be devoured by grizzly bears!

Pip

Eh, the wolverines'll probably get you first.

Good point.

Oh. Still, I hate moving.

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Pip

[telling a scary story] And some say, when the moon is full, or really close to full... You know, like those times when you go, "Hey, look, it's a full moon," and somebody else goes, "No, man, it's not totally full. See the edge?" And you're like, whatever, dude, I can see the whole moon!

Pip, please.

Pip

Oh, right. When the moon is pretty much full, you can still hear the shrieks of her helpless victims.

[The other animals, except Otis, react in fear to Pip's story.]

Pip

And that's why I hate veterinarians.

Pip, would you stop scaring them? I mean, you've never even been to the veterinarian.

Pip

Hey, I've never been hit by a meteor either, but I know it hurts.

Pig

Well, uh, enjoy your check-ups, folks, uh, I'll be in Guatemala.

Right behind you.

This veterinarian madwoman will KILL US ALL!!!

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Guess I'm first. Check it out guys, won't even break a sweat.

Pip

There goes one brave cow.

GDr. Glove

Oh, aren't you a big sweetie Okay honey, I'm just going to do a little looky-loo, yeah, that's all. [snaps glove suggestively] Mm-hm.

Moo? [wails in pain as animals watch on in horror]

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I... I've only got a week to live?

Abby

Oh, my goodness, Otis. I am so sorry.

But... That's impossible. I feel fine. Although, you know, I've been getting a little tired around bedtime lately, and I seem to lose my appetite after heavy meals, and dry grass has really lost its flavor-- OH, MILK ME, IT'S TRUE! I'M DYING! [runs away sobbing]

Pip

Boy, dying really seems to bum him out.

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BBessie

[sighs] I'm glad you're not dead.

And we aren't leaving your side until you get better pal.

[Someone honks a car horn]

Pip

Dr. Glove is back!

[The animals scatter]

GDr. Glove

Hey, sweetie, how's my big sweetie, okay? I'm just going to do a little check poo. [snaps glove suggestively]

Moo? [begins screaming hysterically off camera]

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[riding on a motorcycle shocked about himself and Pip being mistaken for real moose by bikers] What the cud? Didn't they see we're moose? We're moose!

Pip

[trying to get Otis' attention] Uh-- Uh, Otis. I think Moose Appreciation Week might be over.

What are you talking about?

Pip

[points out a billboard] Check out that sign.

Moose Hunting Season starts today? AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

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[after crashing the motorcycle] Okay, that was not awesome. New plan. We get these antlers off, and never do anything I say again.

[Otis and Pip try to remove the antlers, but they remain firmly to their heads.]

What'd you put on these, glue?

Pip

No, I used pastrami. OF COURSE, I USED GLUE, STUPIDHEAD!!!

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[Otis and the animals are at the circus parade, standing behind the crowd of people.]

This stinks, I can't see a thing! [notices a water tower] Hey, let's climb that water tower and get a better view.

[The animals mutter with uncertainty.]

Abby

I can see fine from here.

Too high.

[Otis sneaks behind the other animals, and imitates each of them.]