FDr. Filly
Folks, a one-eyed doodlebug can see that this barnyard is rife with emotional tension.
OtisWhat?! That's crazy.
FDr. Filly
Bingo. Families are like a beekeeper with his hair on fire. You can't tell him what for, and if'n you do, he'll ask you for change!
[The animals stare with confusion.]
FDr. Filly
[about Pig] Okay, for example, this little feller right here uses pancakes to smother the sad clown inside his heart.
[cries] It's true! Oh, it's true! [falls to the floor, and notices a stray pancake] Oh, finders keepers. [eats the pancake]
FDr. Filly
[about Pip] And this little feller lives in the shadow of a best friend with whom he could never hope to compete.
Otis
Is that true, Pip?
I'm not just a sidekick. I'm a person! OH, SWEET CHEESE! IT HURTS!
FDr. Filly
[to Otis and Abby] And you two are mired in the pasty quicksand of your ongoing romantic tension.
Otis
I don't secretly love you!
[Both giggle nervously.]
[A meter reader visiting the barnyard is horrified to discover the animals walking and talking.]
MRMeter reader
Talking animals! I saw you! You animals were walking, and talking, and playing an obscure form of golf!
Otis
Sir, calm down. We are not talking animals. We're... um... you know.
Otis
No, we're...
Otis
That is not helpful.
Oh, I know! We're imaginary brain pixies, and only you can see us. Nailed it.
[Otis sighs and pulls a rope, dropping a hay bale on the meter reader's head.]
MRMeter reader
Head hurting. Memory of recent events fading.
Otis! Otis! I figured out what the whale's been saying. He's saying, "chase me."
Otis
"Chase me"? He must think this is some sort of game. How do you say, "please give our friends back" in whale?
Oh, that's easy It's-- [eaten by Schmoozy]
Otis
WOULD YOU STOP EATING MY FRIENDS?! At least your still safe, Peck!
Yeah, knock wood- [knocks the TNT and explodes while he Screams and the ship begans to sink]
Otis
Okay, that was kind of our fault, but this general predicament an still be largely attributable to you! Schmoozy!
[after calling Baxter on the phone] I'll show Baxter, I don't need the farmer, I got all the friends I need right here. So, uh, who wants to deworm me?
[The animals are confused]
Otis
It's time to do the barn meeting. Listen guys, we can't let Baxter get away with this, we need to get him out of the house once we get Duke back inside, but for all these sakes.
If Baxter sets me up for good, the farmer won’t even take me back to another place.
Otis
Listen Duke, you just need to help the farmer get rid of Baxter until you save him from a bear.
Ooh, i like where this is going.
It’s because i don’t know, Freddy.
Otis
Don’t worry, animals, won’t even be a real bear, it's going to be me in a bear costume that can make me dress like a bear, the farmer needs to take Baxter outside to take a walk every afternoon.
Otis
I didn’t say that yet, Freddy.
I don’t know why i'm not confused.
[Daytime, the farmer takes Baxter out for a walk]
Okay Baxter, you lead the way. [Baxter barks; chuckles] What a cute little dickens. [suddenly, a real bear jumps out from behind a tree! Baxter screams] A bear! Get him, boy, get him! [Baxter circles around the farmer then pushes him toward the bear] Huh, what, don't, stop. Bad dog, what are you doing?
[watches them through binoculars] Look at Otis in that costume, here we go, it’s showtime. [charges straight towards the bear, wondering if it was Otis who was wearing the bear costume]
[The bear looks around as Duke kicks his leg, double kicks his back, bites his rear end, and Kung Fu kicks his face. Being knocked out, the bear stops near the farmer's feet]
[unharmed and surprised] Well done Duke, you saved my life, you saved me from the bear, i’m not going to kick you out. Can you just forgive me? [The farmer pets Duke's head just as Baxter approaches them, the farmer glares at him] And as for you, Baxter, look what you did to me, you threw me to the bear, bad dog, you're going back to the animal shelter to find a new home.
[As Baxter watches the farmer walk off with a hurt expression, he turns to Duke angrily]
Goodbye Duke, this isn't over, i'll be back, you'll see, and then we'll- [gets yanked away]
Come on Otis, get up, the farmer is heading straight to the animal shelter before Baxter finds a new home, he can't recognize you in your costume.
Otis
[in a bear costume, approaches] Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar! [takes off the mask]Hello Duke, what happened? Where’s Baxter? Where’s the farmer?
The farmer sent Baxter back to the animal shelter. Who's that? Is that the real bear? [points to the real bear]
BBear
It’s time for a round two, sheepdog.
Wait, i can explain, you see, that other dog stole my identity in the previous episode, and recently returned to try it again.
BBear
Who are you? Professor Exposition?
[The Professor Exposition gag is shown.]
Who? [the bear pounds him into the ground and leaves]'
Otis, I can't believe that phony Big Bones is getting the credit for your mustache recipe.
Otis
Mmm. Who cares? Freddy's imitation rooster is awesome!
[Everyone else agrees.]
Hey, wait a minute. Where's Peck?
[Everyone looks at their forks, thinking they ate Peck.]
Otis
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[monotone] Aaaaaaaaahhhh.
[Otis uses a plunger on his mouth. Just then, Freddy and Peck enter.]
[Everyone is relieved to see Peck.]
Otis
I don't even wanna tell you what we were thinking.
That the secret ingredient in tofrooster is dandruff? How'd you guess?
[Beat.]
Otis
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[monotone] Aaaaaaaaahhhh.
[still suffering from indigestion] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
RRooster
[singing opera] Aaaaaaaaaahhh!
Otis
So how much longer do you think before he grows out of it?
According to the book, four to six years.
Otis
WHAAAA?!
[In a shock, Otis accidentally drops the disco anvil, which bounces off two trampolines, and a couch the goat is sitting on.]
And we both reached for the blueberry juice at the same time! [he, Freddy, and Peck laugh]
[The anvil crushes the chair Mr. Wiggleplix was sitting in.]
[devastated] Mr. Wiggleplix! NOOOOOOOOO...!!!
[At Mr. Wiggleplix's funeral, Pig is sobbing at Mr. Wiggleplix's grave.]
Friends, we're gathered here remember Mr. Wiggleplix. He lived a short, full life until Otis crushed him with an anvil.
Otis
I didn't! [growls]
Otis, since you often, maybe you'd like to say a few words.
Otis
Um, yeah those words would be "no".
Otis, you've got to! It says so in "What to Do Your Friend's Imaginary Friend's Funeral"!
Otis
Oh, okay, fine. [gets up and walks to the "R.I.P. Mr. Wiggleplix" sign] Uh... Mr. Wiggleplix was transparent. I, for one, will never forget how I was never able to see any type of physical manifestation of this... [looks at the sign] uh, giant top hatted koala.
Hedgehog! He was a giant HEDGEHOG!!! [runs away in tears]
Otis
Well, draw better!
Yeah, first, you off his friend, then you call him a filthy koala!
Otis
Oh, okay, first, I never said filthy. And second, HE DOES NOT EXIST!
Look at her beady, little eyes, her furrowed brow, her cruel hateful beak.
Freddy, you're looking at me.
Guys, Bessy's my best friend. I refuse to believe she stole those paintings.
Otis
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Confront her with what we saw?
Otis
No way! You remember the last time we tried to confront her with something?
[Flashback to Bessy dropping an anvil on Otis' head.]
Otis
Ha! You remember the last time we tried to alert the authorities?
[Flashback to Bessy shoving Pig in Otis' mouth.]
Maybe we should forget the whole thing and go about our business.
Otis
You remember the last time we tried to forget the whole thing and go about our business?
[Flashback to Bessy dropping the henhouse on Otis.]
Okay, Otis, you got your candy back. Now can we get out of this creepy place?
Otis
Sure we can.
[The animals agree to leave the cemetery]
Otis
Right after I take a handful of candy from this tree trunk. [Otis attempts to take candy from Hockey Mask Bob's tree trunk but the animals stop Otis right before he does it]
Otis
Ah! What?
Otis, don't you dare take candy from Hockey Mask Bob's tree trunk.
Otis
Oh, come on, just a little to replace what we lost chasing Snotty Boy. Even a freak like Bob could understand the economics of that.
But the legend. He'll come back and take his revenge.
Otis
Oh, his revenge? ”Golly, I'm all a-tremble.” Guys, Hockey Mask Bob is all moon cheese and cracker dust. He doesn't exist. Now I'll just take a tiny handful, and we can be on our way.
First the lights, then the scream, Now the locked door, This has Hockey Mask Bob written all over it!
Otis
There is no Hockey Mask Bob. Someone get me a shovel. I'm breaking this door open.
Not me. I'm waiting right here so he doesn't get me.
[Hockey Mask Bob grabs Pig in the basement and the animals start to panic that Hockey Mask Bob was here]
Otis
All right, stay calm. Nobody panic.
Otis
Because I'm gonna panic enough for everyone. [panics] OH MY GOSH, IT WAS REALLY HOCKEY MASK BOB! HE'S REALLY REAL! AND HE JUST TOOK ABBY AND PIG AND NOW HE'S GONNA COME AFTER THE REST OF US!
Back at the Barnyard · 303 quotes
