Arrested Development quotes

I'm in love with your brother-in-law.

Gob

You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?

No, your sister's husband.

Gob

Michael? [angrily] Michael!

No, that's your sister's brother.

Gob

No, I'm my sister's brother. [happily] You're in love with me -- me!

I'm in love with Tobias.

Gob

My brother-in-law?

I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.

Gob

To be with your brother.

No!

Tobias

I'm afraid that this offer comes off the table at midnight.

Michael

That may be the worst bluff I've ever heard.

Narrator

Even the members of Gobias industries agreed on that one.

Lindsay

Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.

Michael

Lindsay, new outfit?

Lindsay

This? No, I've had this for years. I think it's a hand-me-down from Mom.

Michael

You got a price tag. Right there.

Lindsay

Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.

Michael

Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. And where did you get that outfit?

Lindsay

Old thing got it for me.

George

No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just... a turd.

Michael

Not really. Kids love boundaries. I mean, look at these girls. (Talking about the "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" tape) Is this what you want?

Tobias

Oh, God, no.

Michael

This could be where your daughter is headed.

Tobias

Oh, no, no, I don't want this for Maeby either.

Gob

The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. [thinks for a moment] There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Michael

I might not be the best witness either. I got a call from Kitty this morning.

Barry Zuckerkorn

Your secretary?

George Sr.

My secretary.

Michael

She says that she's got some evidence and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.

Gob

Oh, that is just great. Now I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob [bleep] our way out of it."

Michael

Tell me the truth, okay? 'Cause there's been a lot of lying in this family.

And a lot of love.

Michael

More lies.

Tobias

You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.

Lindsay

Well, did it work for those people?

Tobias

No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.

Excuse me, Mrs Fünke.

Oh, this guy again.

Michael

How is he, doctor?

It looks like he's dead.

Oh, my God!

Gob

Oh, little guy. The tears aren't comin'! The tears just aren't comin'!

Michael

Uh, just to be clear: looks like he's dead, or he is dead?

It just looks like he's dead. He's got, like, blue paint on him or something. But he's going to be fine.

Gob

What is wrong with you?

Maeby

This [bleep]ing doctor!

I'll let you celebrate privately.

Narrator

Tobias went to a try-out for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen.

Narrator

Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he couldn't be seen.

Lindsay

What did he say? Tell me the last thing he said.

Tobias

[in flashback] I'm afraid I just blue myself.

Michael

He said some wonderful things.

Michael

Well, I better get over there before he brings the whole company down.

Lindsay

It's only been three hours. How much damage could he really do?

Narrator

In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.

It's not fair to Buster. He's a nervous wreck right now. He's going into the Army, for God's sake.

Michael

You volunteered him.

I knew you were going to throw that in my face.