Well, you and I have different management styles. I believe work should be fun, and you try to crush people's spirits. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose?
S1 E15Staff Infection
I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Suddenly, playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.
S1 E16Missing Kitty
What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty. First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power.
I do, and I had to -- she's crazy.
Well, that's why you don't fire her. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.
Where's Nana?
I sent her on a wonderful cruise. You just missed a wonderful call from her. She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw. She gained ten pounds, there's so much food on that boat. She's up to 74. She tried pesto for the first time. Imagine that, 92 years old and she never tried pesto. It was wonderful. Just wonderful.
In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.
S1 E17Altar Egos (1)
I'm not a one-night stand kinda guy, I don't like lying to women.
These are lawyers. That's Latin for liar.
Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
But he really didn't.
Yes, I did.
I just had a major night. With a major blonde. Who just majored in Marine Biology, if you know what I mean.
I don't know what you mean. I can't imagine what that means.
S1 E18Justice is Blind (2)
And now you love the Ten Commandments. And yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord."
I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.
Is this why you wanted to fight this thing? So you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?
S1 E19Best Man for the GOB
I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far it's been all chain and no ball.
As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Really? When did that start?
Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
GSGeorge Senior
Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be safe in IRAs.
IGIra Gilligan
It's Ira, sir.
GSGeorge Senior
Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. Will be safe in Ira's.
I’m going to Annyong’s soccer award ceremony and...
AAnnyong
Annyong. [everyone stares at him]
...and I don’t need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are.
Yeah, I think that they're going to know that Annyong's not your --
AAnnyong
Annyong.
Would somebody please tell this insufferable child... to... God!
Knock, knock! Where's the married bachelor?
Michael, I thought you weren't coming. I thought he wasn't coming.
Well, I wasn't going to, but he’s my brother and I'm here to support him. Like all these, uh... hot men and Ira.
You’re not going to stay? I mean, this isn't your kind of scene.
Dad, please, stay out of it, all right? I'm here for G.O.B. Now where are the strippers? You got a little back room going, huh? Huh?
[Gob tries to stop Michael]
No, hey, just relax! I'm as fun as anybody! I can handle a back room.
[Michael enters the back room, to the sight of an unconscious stripper and a knocked out Buster]
I'm calling the cops.
S1 E20Whistler's Mother
Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.
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