Arrested Development quotes

177 total quotes



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Barry Zuckerkorn: It would help if you would all show up looking like a loving, supportive family.
Lucille: For how long?
Barry Zuckerkorn: Ten minutes tops.
Lucille: See if you can get it down to five.

Buster: And I'm going to continue dating, Mom.
Michael: It sounds a little bit like "dating Mom."
Buster: It's starting to feel a little like it.

Buster: I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Lucille: Suddenly, playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.

Buster: She's just wigged out because I have a girlfriend.
Lucille: A waiter hands him a note and suddenly he's Steve McQueen. He doesn't even know what she looks like.
Buster: I know that she's a brownish area with points.

Buster: Uh, I'm unclear about what it is exactly you do.
Jessie: Excellent question. What a publicist does--
Buster: No, no, I was talking to George Michael. When did you get a job?
George Michael: I work at the banana stand.
Buster: Oh, duh. I thought you meant, like, a plumber or something, and I was like, when did that happen?

Buster: Well clearly the blue part is the land.

Cab driver: Where to, mate?
Tobias: The Gothic Castle.
Cab driver: Gothic Asshole?
Tobias: That's what I said.

George Michael: Was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
Gob: Oh yeah. Dozens of times.

George Sr.: [in prison] Gentlemen, we do not wave our genitals at one another to make a point!

George Sr.: [regarding Buster] Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I -- I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So ... he turned out a little soft, you know... a little doughy... I dunno. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe. Maybe I just ignored the guy. [the camera slow zooms out to show Buster sitting between Michael and George Sr.]
Buster: [After yawning for a long time] Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?

George Sr.: [repeatedly] There's always money in the banana stand.
. . .
George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand!
Michael: What?
George Sr.: Cash, Michael.
Michael: Why didn't you tell me that?
George Sr.: How much clearer can I say it: "THERE IS ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!"
Prison Guard: NO TOUCHING!
George Sr.: NO TOUCHING!

George Sr.: I just haven't had sex in a month.
Michael: You know, you've been here two months.
George Sr.: It's hard to gauge time.
Michael: Yeah, I'll bet.

George Sr.: Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael: Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.

George Sr.: This is my vacation, Michael.
Michael: You're doing time, Dad.
George Sr.: I'm doing the time... of my life!

George Sr.: What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty. First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power.
Michael: I do, and I had to -- she's crazy.
George Sr.: Well, that's why you don't fire her. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.