Are those police boats? [house band does a rimshot, as if GOB was joking] No, seriously, I think those are police boats.
That's the Securities and Exchange Commission.
They have boats?
S1 E1Pilot
I thought Buster had everything under control. I thought you've been going in to the office.
Yes, and I've enjoyed that. It's just that I was constantly being called to the phone, or I was asked a question, or I was being resuscitated and it was really hard to get a good work flow going.
Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. [GOB notices children in earshot] ...Or candy!
[From the extended pilot]
Not tricks, Michael, illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money. [GOB notices children in earshot] ...Or cocaine!
Well clearly the blue part is the land.
Okay, guys, um... they are going to keep Dad in prison at least until this gets all sorted out. Also, the attorney said that they're going to have to put a halt on the company's expense account. [The others gasp.] Interesting. I would've expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail."
What have we always said is the most important thing?
Breakfast!
....no. family.
Oh right! I thought you meant in the things you eat.
If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all my children equally.
[Flashback to that morning]
I don't care for Gob.
Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals.
S1 E2Top Banana
This is my vacation, Michael.
You're doing time, Dad.
I'm doing the time... of my life!
LBLucille Bluth
You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.
I should be in charge. I'm the older brother.
Do you even want to be in charge?
No... but I'd like to be asked!
[repeatedly] There's always money in the banana stand.
. . .
There was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand!
What?
Cash, Michael.
Why didn't you tell me that?
How much clearer can I say it: "THERE IS ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!"
PGPrison Guard
NO TOUCHING!
NO TOUCHING!
S1 E3Bringing Up Buster
[regarding Buster] Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I -- I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So ... he turned out a little soft, you know... a little doughy... I dunno. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe. Maybe I just ignored the guy. [the camera slow zooms out to show Buster sitting between Michael and George Sr.]
[After yawning for a long time] Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?
Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? 'Cause if it's business I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away... but I won't be happy.
It's personal.
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