Michael, I've been looking for you.
Looks like you're looking for dragons... In the future.
S2 E15The Sword of Destiny
S2 E16Meat the Veals
Ann just called. They had a pre-dawn mass. Then they were going to mass, so...
Ann's got a great deal of mass.
I think they are too young to get involved that seriously.
RVRev. Veal
My wife and I were about the same age when we got engaged.
[Glancing at the reverend's wife] Well, yeah, you've gotta lock that down.
Don't you think they're a bit too young [to get involved]?
RVRev. Veal
Well, we got serious around his age.
[Glancing at the reverend's wife] Well-who can blame you? You gotta lock that down...
S2 E17Spring Breakout
Well, gee, I never thought the woman I'd be checking out at spring break would be Mom.
She's better looking than the whores you date.
Don't call my escorts "whores."
Mom's still got it!
I DON'T DATE WHORES!
Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop.
It's just Mom and whores.
Oh, please. I've been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol's the reason I'm here, I got news for you, bub. It's the only reason you're here, too.
Hey, look at that. You're mean sober, too.
SNScandalmakers Narrator
When allegations surfaced that he’d illegally built homes in Iraq, George Bluth Sr., assisted by his secretary, Kitty, escaped the country...
Due to poor acting, the burden of the story was placed on the narrator.
SNScandalmakers Narrator
...only to be found hiding under one of the homes that he himself built.
He was actually found in a hole near the house, but this inattention to detail was typical of the laziness the show’s narrator was known for.
[As George] I cannot survive under the house. Perhaps an attic shall I seek.
Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.
S2 E18Righteous Brothers
Why don't you get Gob to do your dirty work for you? Shall I knock Dad out and chain him to a pipe somewhere, or should I risk another herpes outbreak with Kitty? Which is it this time, Michael?
Well, definitely neither of those two things.
Gob had hidden his father under a house that had just collapsed.
[Seeing George Michael and Maeby] Children - you're small. Crawl under there.
S3 E1The Cabin Show
Pardon me if I don't burst into tears, Michael. At least he promised to take you. [bursts into tears] He just let me blindly enjoy my childhood! [sobbing] I didn't even know there was a cabin... he wasn't taking me to!
We did it, Mikey! We're super-rich again. And I'm going to buy a car. The Volvo. [hands Michael a piece of paper]
No, Lindsay, you're not going to start spending money. [looks at paper] And this is not a Vol-vo.
Oh, that's from sitting on the copier. Michael, I've got nothing. My husband dumped me and ran off to Vegas with Kitty, that bleached-blonde whore.
He's definitely got a type.
I can't believe he left me. I mean, this? [points to her face] And these? [points to her breasts] And this? [holds up paper]
That's the car.
Oh. [holds up other paper] This?
Glad I didn't spring for color.
Well, I will tell you this, Michael: I don’t have a son...
He does.
...But if I ever do, I'm either going to take him to the cabin in the woods, or I'm going to promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods, and then not take him!
Gob was growing up.
[Later, waiting for Michael to take him to the cabin]
There's only one sleeping bag, so we're going to have to double up. Pigs in a blanket!
Sorry, pal, something came up.
It is worse to know.
Gob was getting life lessons all over the place.
I'm your uncle! I'm your dad's twin brother! I'm Oscar! He switched on me! Noone believes me!
Unfortunately for Oscar, "You got the wrong twin" was a very popular alibi.
(scene cuts to an example of other convicts being arrested)
AMArrested man
You simply got the wrong twin!
ATArrested twin 1
We're quadruplets! You got the wrong two!
ATArrested twin 2
We're Larry and Dave!
ATArrested twin 1
You want Curtis and Jack!
(scene cuts back to Michael and Oscar)
I even started up a website: I'mOscar.com! (we see the I'mOscar.com main webpage) I'm innocent Michael! I'm Oscar! Dot Com!
S3 E2For British Eyes Only
We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
GSGeorge, Sr.
I thought, I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work.
Great. I was wondering if you might be willing to go somewhere with me. I would pay you.
You'll pay me?
Not... not for sex. You're going to think that I'm Jack the Ripper, right? Didn't he kill prostitutes or...?
I'm not a prostitute.
Then I shall let you live.
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