Archer · Season 4
But the real good news is that we saved the Pope's life!
For which we are grateful. However, we cannot tell these two apart, so...
So I actually have an idea about that.
Is it... take them both home, see which one's a better butler, and give the other one back to the Catholic Church?
Uhh, never mind.
Last night, an Air Force B-52 bomber crashed off the coast of Bermuda!
Well it's about frickin' time! [Beat] What, we're not bombing them in advance of an amphibious invasion?
Why would we invade Bermuda?
Oh... Bermuda, duh. I was thinking Bahamas.
Same question.
Same answer: Why not? It's how we got the Virgin Islands.
Actually, the United States bought the Virgin Islands from Denmark.
Okay, Mr. Peabody...
Are you finished?
Yes?
Good. Because the B-52 was—
In the middle of the Bermuda Triangle! Is this about the Bermuda Triangle? Because that's my fourth biggest fear.
The B-52 is on the ocean floor here at a depth of 8,000 feet—
Or 1,333 fathoms.
How do you know that?
How do you not?
...So we're going to beat the Russians!
[Sarcastically claps] Give it up, everyone. Mike Eruzione!
[Tiffy, the pilot, has been arguing with Cheryl about veganism over the intercom]
Hey, Tiffy. Could you, instead of antagonizing her, maybe go ahead and take off? [The chopper judders as it takes off] Love you! [To Archer, who's mixing a cocktail] We'll rendezvous with my research vessel in a few hours. So, in the meantime, I guess, continue to make such wildly liberal use of the bar.
Done!
Hi, it's Pam, right? Enjoying the cruelty-free vegan seafood buffet?
It's pretty good once you get over how allergic I am to soy.
What?! Oh my God, don't eat that!
HEY! I'm a consenting adult! [coughes] Plus, I assume you've got an Epi-pen on this rip-tide-looking bastard?
Yes, in the cockpit. In the first aid kit.
Then shut up! [continues devouring the "shrimp"]
[whispering from offscreen] Psst.. Pam!
Oh, Already?! [to the "shrimp" she's holding] Look, auditory hallucinations aren't gonna make you any less delicious!
[To her brother] You really spent your entire inheritance on... the poors?
I'll be waiting for you.
Was that... Did he sound like... Do you think this is some kind of a trap?
What? No, I don't think it's a trap! Although I never do. [Beat] And it very often is.
We're from ISIS.
Jesus Christ, no wonder this all went tits-up.
LANA! Would you hurry up?
Said the guy apparently too busy counting his bionic legs to help.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
