Come, Kriegerbots, avenge your fallen comrade! What voice is that? Is that from Bullwinkle?
S2 E7Movie Star
[with Lana's sniper scope] Oh my God, I can see my penthouse!
Well unless there's a sniper in it...
Well somebody's in it. Who the fuck's in my fucking penthouse?!
[In the penthouse are Ray and Pam with their hands up, and Cheryl, whose hands are behind her back]
We are! We're complying!
CCop
You! Get your fricking hands up!
You're not my supervisor!
Shut up, we're gonna go to prison.
No we're not. Say the right stuff, and they just send you to a mental hospital for ten months.
I just this second realized why you do macrame instead of knitting.
Yeah, no sharp objects on the ward. They were super strict about that.
These like Kung-Fu monks make this fifty foot tape, like a cloth measuring tape, but it's kelp.
Ah...
And you swallow over, like, three days and you start to, y'know, pass it. Then you just slowly, slowly pull it out of you over three more days...
Wait, what?!
It pulls all the toxins out of your body. And you just feel so clean.
[Eavesdropping] Oh yeah? While you're tangled in a half-mile of shit covered tape? ... Frickin' actresses.
Lana, hush! If you sit quietly, the toxin should wear off in, like, four hours. But if you struggle, your heart could...
[Bursting in with his gun drawn] Freeze!
RSRussian Soldier
[Patting the voice-changing gadget] Is my new favourite device of ever.
S2 E8Stage Two
Do anything fun this weekend? [Malory ignores her] 'Cause I sure did. Friday night was cornhole league and
[Interrupting] If I cared what you did on a weekend I'd put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes. [Malory leaves]
On Saturday I watched a building burn down.
Pam, those quarterly reports better be on my desk when I walk in there!
Ummm... Are you walking in there right now?
[Malory has revealed she may have breast cancer]
My entire laboratory is at your disposal.
[Sarcastically] Thanks. I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.
A What?! I don't have one of those! [Cut to a shot of Krieger killing 'Pigley'] ... Anymore.
[Archer is standing over what appears to be a partly-dismantled nuclear warhead. It's emitting a green glow]
Wait, seriously don't open it?
[via Com link] Yes!
Oh. I thought you were being sarcastic.
[Holding a radioactive vial] Looking for this? Or maybe the lead container I probably should've kept it in?
Yup, Stage Two breast cancer. Yeah, I mean it's not as bad as stage three or four. But, obviously not as good as no cancer.
It's a pink ribbon, I have breast cancer.
BBrett
[Laughing]' Seriously, breast cancer?
Yes.
BBrett
Sure it's not lady vagina cancer?
[Laughing weakly] Excuse me.
[He leaps on Brett and starts punching him.]
[Between punches] I'm trying... to stay positive... both mentally... and spiritually... Brett!
Well he certainly doesn't have cancer in his fists.
Nah, he's beatin' his ass.
[To Woodhouse] Macrobiotic food. Find out what that is and start cooking it.
[seriously drunk without eating all day] If I don't get something to eat, I'm literally going to die.
I spent last night in the tombs, getting worked over by the cops!
Fun! ... Oh, you mean literally.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.