Pam Poovey quotes from Archer

You are not robbing my palace!

Malory

Oh yes, we are. And if you've got any sense, you'll fill your pockets too. Because your regime is officially over. I've seen coups from Angola to Zanzibar and this is how it ends. In the trunk of a taxi to the airport, your belly full of diamonds and vodka, praying your driver doesn't rat you out to the Reds at the last checkpoint. Because then the last thing you'll ever hear, besides a pistol cocking behind your head, is Ivan's laugh... [Pam starts laughing] What in the name of God is funny?!

Pam

You said you'd seen cooze!

Cyril

[on guards advancing on the plane] Those guys look furious.

Archer

Yeah, no shit! So thank you, Ray!

Ray

For what, safely landing the plane?

Archer

What, like that cancels out you getting it shot down in the first place?

Ray

You were the one yapping your head off about my damn teacup pig!

Archer

Who I hope to see on my next BLT!

Ray

Well, too bad, beause... he went to live on a...

Archer

A farm! Exactly! So unless that farm had a magical talking spider...

Pam

Yeah, they don't keep 'em around for their milk.

Archer

Guys, come on, what's going on here?

Malory

I was just explaining some basic tenets of fieldcraft to these three.

Archer

Yeah, you gotta blend, but I meant what's going on hors d'oeuvre-wise?

Pam

Wouldn't you like to...

Malory

Ahem. Blend.

Pam

[each presenting platters] This is a deconstructed slider made from certified Kobe beef from Hyogo prefecture, with a tarragon aioli.

Ray

Tapas of pata negra jamon iberica, topped with queso Torta del Casar.

Cyril

And these are tiny quiches, probably made from endangered quail eggs, or...

Archer

No, none of this is that. [Takes one from each platter and puts them together] This is the world's most expensive Mc10:35.

Pam

Everything is my business.

Archer

Oh, including white slavery?

Pam

What?

Archer

Those girls are tied up, asshole.

Pam

No they're not, they're just...aww dog dicks.

Archer

Yeah, so...

Pam

Uhhh, wouldn't it be "yellow slavery?"

Archer

[gasps in disbelief] Uh, I don't know, racist!

Pam

White slavery is just as racist!

Archer

WHAT??

Pam

Nooo, you know, if you differentiate between cotton-picking slavery-

Archer

Jesus Christ!

Pam

-and then white slavery then that's-

Archer

SEXUAL slavery, then.

Pam

Okayyyy!

Archer

Goddammit.

Pam

My point is I think we're both anti-slavery.

Pam

I don't know what the hell you're going to do.

Archer

Well, that makes two of us!

Archer

Look, I know you cops have to check your weapons up front, and there's five of us and only one of you, so...

Pam

So who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserker.

Archer

I really wish we hadn't have done that.

Pam

I can never unsee him naked.

Archer

I mean, the size of that thing.

Pam

Hollow that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.

Archer

Typical! Typical typical typical typical!

Lana

What could possibly have been typical about that?!

Archer

ME! I always do shit like this.

Poovey

Like what?

Archer

All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!!

Lana

Hurry up!

Poovey

Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.

Wait, there's toast?

WHY would there be toast!?!

Why WOULDN'T there be?

"You destroyed my marriage!"

"Hey, it takes two to tango!"

Pam

"And obviously you guys already had some problems, so…."

Ray

"Zut alors!"

"You wanna talk problems?!" [drinks deeply from decanter]'" "My marriage is ruined: when my family find out why, they will disown me, as will all of New York society. I have no money, no job, no skills and no prospects - and it's all your fault! And so right now the only thing I want in this world - besides for you to die of some heretofore unknown form of eye-hole cancer - is to get off this god-forsaken island!!!"

"And when does it come back?"

Pam

"2 weeks"

"And Whitney's on it?"

Pam

"Uh-huh"

[Cries]

Pam

"Ah, come on now, it's not that bad…"

"He has my passport…" [irony no.2]