Charlotte quotes from Archer

You're not planning to blindfold me and hide me in a bomb shelter with limited oxygen and send my family cryptic notes about how to find me in a race against time for my life?

Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene?

What?

Who would go through all that trouble?

Johann Schmidt, a.k.a The Red Skull in my Nazi kidnap/rape fantasy.

Ewwww.

Lana

Hurry up!

Poovey

Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.

Wait, there's toast?

WHY would there be toast!?!

Why WOULDN'T there be?

"You destroyed my marriage!"

"Hey, it takes two to tango!"

Pam

"And obviously you guys already had some problems, so…."

Ray

"Zut alors!"

"You wanna talk problems?!" [drinks deeply from decanter]'" "My marriage is ruined: when my family find out why, they will disown me, as will all of New York society. I have no money, no job, no skills and no prospects - and it's all your fault! And so right now the only thing I want in this world - besides for you to die of some heretofore unknown form of eye-hole cancer - is to get off this god-forsaken island!!!"

"And when does it come back?"

Pam

"2 weeks"

"And Whitney's on it?"

Pam

"Uh-huh"

[Cries]

Pam

"Ah, come on now, it's not that bad…"

"He has my passport…" [irony no.2]