Aqua Teen Hunger Force quotes

[Master Shake explodes] Oh, no! He was the bomb, not the sandwich! The sandwich was harmless all along!

Or so you think.

Err

Fools!

For in a mere forty eight hours, this sandwich will rot in mold and envelop the panicked city in blue spores of... sandwich mold.

Err

Oh, man. Look. He just threw it away.

The sandwich?

Err

Yeah, man! The sandwich!

Really?

Err

Threw it in the garbage.

Damn it.

Err

SHIT!

We must go to the store at once and stock up on deadly meats and cheeses, spreading fear and mayonnaise and... your choice of spicy or regular mustard throughout the Western world.

Err

Yeah, let me just get my money and just go on down to the... Oh, wait! Where the fuck are we going to find a store?!

Look, we're not going to do that. That's... that's just for the video.

Err

Oh, yeah, the video.

You were filming, right.

Err

Is this on?

Here, take a picture of me. I'm going to... saw my own head off.

Err

Yeah, do that. That will show them.

Yes, it will. Down on your knees, America. The rivers will run red with my blood. Digital... This sucks, I'm not doing this.

WE live here now!

Yay!

Who are you?

Well I'm thee uh...I'm thee, real-a-tor... and I gotta say, I'm puttin' my foot down. I need proof of uh... you know-you gotta job, man?

I have no credit, no savings, and I'm between opportunities.

But I must warn you, he is lazy...

...Extremely lazy

Markula

Carl, have you seen the deadbeats around? You know, "the food".

No, they left in the middle of the night.

Markula

That's because I had demons drag them off into the night. I'm not going to fix a gas leak for them. At this very moment they are being cocooned by military spiders in a cave in the Mojave Desert. That's what I do to a-holes. But not you [the robots]. I would never do that to you. You're free to stay here forever and ever. [Transforms into a bat] Now, feast! [leaves]

Feast on what, man?

Oh, boy! Invisible robot meat! My favorite.

Look, kids! Invisible robot meat!

Robot meat! Robot meat! Robot meat!

...All right, if you need anything [holds a flame to the gas leak setting the house on fire] do not-do not come next door.

Carl...Carl...Hey Carl...CARL!

AH!!!

We can't sleep.

Can you?

Get outta my friggin' house!

No, I want some water.

Yes, we all want water.

Yay! Water! Water! Water!

Fine, fine! Get some in the bathroom and then get out of here!

[pause] Robots don't drink water. Use your brain. You failed test #1.

What're you talkin' about man?

You will pass or else [dramatic music plays].

Or else what?[the robot shoots Carl's right shoulder hair off] Ah! My shoulder hair!

Come on kids. Chubby is grumpy.

Chubby's grumpy.

Whoa whoa whoa, do the other one. At least make it even [the robot shoots Carl's left shoulder hair off] Ah! Now get outta here!

Hey Ma! It's Carl! How are you doing! Hey Ma, I'm thinking of packing my bags and heading over to that dark dismal va hospital you live at.

Carl, come outside!

Carl, hang up!

Oh, no, no, no, I'll bring a car it'll be fine.

Carl!

Hang up, Carl!

What do you mean tomorrow's physical therapy? It's Carl! Your Son! Ya, the one with the mustache! Oh, is that right? WELL YOU TOO YOU BITCH!

Frylock

Hi, this is, Frylock. Sorry, we can't come to the phone right now as we're currently being cocooned by military spiders in the Mojave Desert. At the sound of the tone-

Shake

"At the 'sound' of the tone"? Wouldn't it just be "at the tone"?

Frylock

Shut up, Shake. I like to be thorough.

Apply the diodes!

You will feel no pain.

You will feel no pain.

But you must sit very still.

You must sit very still.

Ring the bell when the flies come.

Ring the bell when the flies come!

Okay, is this a test?

Yeah, it's a test, sure. See you in one hour.

Okay, I got a bee. Does a bee count?

No...no, only flies.

Only flies!

We have had legendary arguments with flies!

I still got one more test here. I got a test, uh, for you.

Well, we don't take tests.

Yeah, but this one's supereasy. It's called..."count the bullets."

Well, we're not good at math.

15,943. Do more! More! They're like vitamins to us.

Yeah? (Carl keeps shooting through the end of the show)

Uh, let's be frank, that gas leak is going to kill anyone who tries to live in here...

Markula

I'm not fixing that gas leak for you or anybody!

All right, I mean, are you dead set on that price? I mean, 20 grand a month man.

Markula

I need that money. The cost of blood is going up. I need to feed.

Yeah, you keep throwing around words like "blood" and "feed". I mean, feed what man?

Markula

Never you mind. I've said too much already. Oh, I'm so stupid. Stupid!

69, when you eat a junk lunch

I don't dance...unless I'm totally wasted.

John Kruk

Hell, let's get wasted!

[singing] We do not like it.

John Kruk

That uh, That pretty much means they don't like it Carl.

Oh, c'mon! What do I gotta do here?

John Kruk

Here, take this knife, slice off your nipples, and feed them to the sisters. Like grapes.

All right. No, I'm not doing that.

John Kruk

Oh, c'mon man. You know you're drunk.

Yeah, I know. [cuts off his nipples] It's a good thing too, otherwise I would totally feel this.

John Kruk

Do you have them? All right, now take them and throw them in the sewer.

I thought that you said-

John Kruk

You thought what?! That you're stupid? You're so stupid! That's for hitting me with a battery at Schuyler's, you asshole!

So, they don't want the nipples?

John Kruk

Dude, who WOULD want them? Dogs don't want them. Okay?

(singing to his new pet cat, Terrence) Terrence, you have my heart. Terrence, you have my soul. Terrence, you ate a bug today, he's no longer moving. You spit him out, his shell don't taste good. But you ate part of his brain. This is home, this is Mean Street.

Shake

(grabs Terrence) It is time. (Shake leaves with Terrence to the kitchen, as the sound of a microwave turning on is heard)