GLGeorge Lowe
[to Frylock] You look tasty and heavily salted.
S4Antenna
A1Alien #1
Someone climbs the tower!
A2Alien #2
You know what you must do, beastman!
CCarl
Yes, master.
[Outside]
CCarl
Hey!
[Camera rises to show Frylock]
CCarl
[Offscreen] Get off the tower!
No!
[Back Inside]
CCarl
Uh... He won't come down.
Hey Frylock, what's a handjob, because I'm about to get one.
S4Carl Wash
[Meatwad is reading through job ads] Hey, here's one. "Looking for dollars? Are you stupid, and gullible, as hell? You may qualify to be part of our dangerous experiment. Bring your resume, wallet, social security, ATM, and all credit cards to Carl's Car Wash. Minorities need not apply, or we gonna sue your balls to the wall." ...That sounds promising.
That job is perfect for you.
Ah no, all these shapes, just freakin' hurtin' my kidneys. Why-why can't people just like me for me.
But sadly, no one does. Not even the president. He's a great guy though.
[Carl is getting his car washed]
Oh, here we go. This is the first part of our patented three step treatment. [Garbage juice from a dumpster is poured on Carl's car]
CCarl
Ya that kinda looks like you're just sorta slingin' dirt on it.
Well that-what that actually is is dumpster juice, which is sort of a combination of rain water and garbage; very acidic. Very harsh on the paint job.
CCarl
And uh, why are we doing this again?
It's just a precoat. I mean, obviously we need to prep the outer coat for, you know, the cat urine. [Cats are lowered and shaken and their urine spreads on Carl's car] And of course the hammers. [A rotating hammer device is lowered, destroying Carl's car]
CCarl
What the hell are you doin'!?
Look Carl, lets just lay back down and relax okay [Meatwad puts on a gas mask and gas blows in through a vent]
CCarl
Whadda? Whadda?
Lets allow the mystery gas to do its work. [Carl sighs as he is drugged] And don't worry, we totally redo the paint [Two cans of green and yellow spray paint are lowered and start spraying Carl's car] in a color of our own choosing.
CCarl
Ehh, whatever. I'm easy.
(A shadow falls over him)
CBCarl Brain
Hello, Carl. I too, am Carl. And this is my son, Carl Jr.
CJCarl Jr
(vague jabbering)
CBCarl Brain
We are all Carl.
CCarl
...neat.
CBCarl Brain
Yes. Yes. Remove his brain!
Where's Carl's brain?
CBCarl Brain
I am Carl Brain.
CCarl
Carl...
No, Carl's brain.
CBCarl Brain
I am Carl Brain.
CCarl
Carl...
No no no no no, different-different Carl, okay!?
CBCarl Brain
...I am Carl Brain.
My friend Carl! His brain!
CCarl
Carl...
CBCarl Brain
Behind you.
Is that Carl's brain? Over there, on the expressway?
CBCarl Brain
Beware, for it will immediately seize you upon my command, and your mind will be enslaved to forever...polish the chrome at this wash...Car Wash.
...This is retarded.
CJCarl Jr
Oh! He called you retarded daddy!
CBCarl Brain
Stop him! At once! (pause) From calling me retarded!
CJCarl Jr
Too late, he got away with it.
[On the street, advertising the car wash] Go on, getcha car washed! [takes the shape of a fist with the middle finger up] Or you a dumbass, gonna get yo ass WHOOPED!
S5Boston
Yippie-ka yay, motherfucker!
And why are we here? Why Boston?
Synergy.
BFBenjamin Franklin
Where do you connect the kite?
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Hey, just build it, you fucking pansy! [Franklin ahems from Revere's profanity] You know what? Fuck you! I'll be down at the bar where I parked the car. I fucking meant horse.
Meanwhile, in Baltimore.
JUJohnny Unitas
Look, it's Boston! And it's a bomb!
CHCast of Hairspray
Boston is a bomb!
EWEarl Weaver
You think I don't know that, you dumb cast of the musical Hairspray dick-sucking, motherfuckers!?
EWEarl Weaver
It's a bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Guy, it's a freaking light.
EWEarl Weaver
Guy, it's a motherfucking, cocksucking bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
It's a freaking light!
EWEarl Weaver
Bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
EWEarl Weaver
Bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
EWEarl Weaver
Bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
EWEarl Weaver
Bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
EWEarl Weaver
Bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
CHCast of Hairspray
It's a bomb!
EWEarl Weaver
Will you shut the fuck up! You stupid, shit-eating cast of the musical Hairspray! Bunch of faggot motherfuckers!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Look, seriously? It's just a light.
EWEarl Weaver
No! YOU look, seriously! It's a fucking bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Oh, my freaking God! It's a bomb!
CHCast of Hairspray
It's a bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Get the freak out of here, dude! Hey, hey! Sox rule!
Bomb, light, whatever. It's just a hoax.
Shake, a hoax is a humorous or malicious deception and this is clearly not that.
I don't care! You can't make us leave! [Cut to the house] Damn it! They made us leave!
Well, at least we made some money.
No, I spent it all, on this!
That's Paul Revere going through Bill Buckner's legs with a bowl of chowder. And he's got Plymouth Rock in his pants. And those are witches casting a spell on the cast of Cheers. And that is a lobster bib, still working on that. Oh, and that's uh Ted Kennedy riding a dolphin through Chappaquiddick.
PPolice Officer
Boston is safe, now.
But, we're in New Jersey.
PPolice Officer
New Jersey is near Boston, and now they're both safe. Also, no one is safe.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.