[Shake is frantically pressing the thermostat]
How do I get this to be cold?! I keep pressing it and pressing it and pressing it, and it won't get cold now!
[Frylock checks the thermostat.]
242 degrees?! Man, that's insane!
That's what I've been sayin' for the last hour and a half, while you've been "Dreamin' of Jeanie."
Dammit, I think we're gonna have to freakin' call the landlord. The compressor's on the fritz again.
MMeatwad
Well, he...he may be gone. I...I wouldn't go out there.
[As we see that the outside background is melting] And why not?!
MMeatwad
Watch this. [Flings a skillet out the front door, causing it to explode almost immediately]
That was my Alton Brown saucepot! I use it to make my Balsamic Reduction! Dammit! … You've seen me do it.
Shake! You left that grill on, didn't you?
[looks outside] Oh... uh... no!
Well then, why is it on?!
I don't know... uh... it's in "self-cleaning" mode!
No, I think it's on "create-a-hole-in-the-ozone" mode, Shake!
MMeatwad
Well, we got all that cream cheese we won at the fair. Can you tan through that?
Master Shake [dramatic music plays] ...It's worth a shot.
MMeatwad
And it may be the only shot we have...
[Shake and Meatwad are rubbing the cream cheese on their bodies]
Or we could just shut the fucking grill off!
[Treading water] Phew. Feel that cool water. So soothing!
MMeatwad
Yeah. Feel that polar bear chewing on my head up here. [We see this is actually happening]
Oh my God! This is a melted polar cap!
Uh, no, no. Polar caps are traditionally cold. And this... [The water begins to boil] ew, this is starting to get hot. [The grill is still running] Aw, hell.
We've got to get to that grill.
I know. You've said it like 93 times!
MMeatwad
Hurry somebody! Hurry!
Mex—Mexicans! They'll do it! They'll do anything! Who here knows Spanish?
MMeatwad
Carl may. His hair is dark.
That's a good thought. I'm gonna ask him.
MMeatwad
What is this dissension in the ranks? Someone refuses to blow.
[grabs crotch] Oh no, I got somethin' you can blow all right.
WELL, WHY IS HE THE KING?!
[shoves Carl aside] Uh...because he is the smartest and best...looking, and his wisdom lead us to this great utopia, isn't that right, handsome master?
MMeatwad
Yeessss, that is correct. Mucus minions, congest him, at once!
[Two mucus men surround him] Ah, that takes two of ya. Let's go.
[Carl is immediately congested]
MMeatwad
I remember that one time you was in the bathroom...with that magazine. 'Cept that we ain't got no bathroom, so you know. And we all know what you was doing...
[Start Flashback]
I'll show ya stars! Take this! [shoots lasers and hits wall, revealing Shake]
Wait! What I'm doing in here is private!
[End Flashback]
Oh man! Back then I was so self-conscious about my body. You know, Frylock wanted to fix that hole but I said no. And now, I like it when people watch.
MMeatwad
I still can't figure out what you're doing with yourself.
Remember when I save both of y'all's asses?
[A flashback starts, with 'Party Party Party' playing, Frylock destroying the RainbowMaker 4000 from "Escape from Leprechapolis", then a clip from "Super Squatter" is shown]
He needs medical attention.
[A clip from "PDA" is shown]
Well, I guess I'm satisfied then
[Meatwad coughs, then A clip from "Frat Aliens" where D.P. is tied to a rocket and Frylock lights it up and launches into Carl's house, the security system slaughter D.P., A clip from "Super Birthday Snake" where Frylock destroys Nathan Scott Phillips with a fireball, A clip from "The Clowning" where Frylock freezes Carl, A clip from "Dusty Gozongas" where Frylock freezes the blue flame pipes]
Wait no, those are awesome!
[A clip from "Balloonstein" whete Frylock throws a broken glass covered Meatwad, A clip from "The Dressing" where Frylock and Meatwad drag a curtain covered Turkitron]
TTurkitron
Fine. I'm not spinning, don't touch--
You son of a- [Kicks Turkitron
[A clip from "MC Pee Pants" where the place explodes and blows away MC Pee Pants, A clip from "The Cloning" is shown]
GWGeorge Washington
Wait no!
[shoots George Washington with a shotgun, A clip from "Boost Mobile" where two boost mobile phones fall into a pitfall] Meatwad. [Meatwad throws a big boulder to cover the pitfall, A clip from "Universal Remonster" where Frylock unplugs one of the wires.] There we go. [A clip from "Interfection" Where Frylock uses eye lasers to blow up pop-up ad for the tin]
[A clip from "Super Hero" where Frylock uses eye lasers to blow up three mutant worms, A clip from "Rabbot" where Frylock beams Carl up and drops him flat on his back on his roof, Another clip from "PDA" where a gigantic food crushes Frylock, A clip from "Mayhem of the Moonites" where Frylock pins Err and Ignignokt down the road]
[A clip from "The Last One" where Frylock kills Happy Time Harry, A clip from "Super Sirloin" where MC Pee Pants as Sir Lion gets shredded alive, A clip from "Robositter" where the Robositter gets liquified, A clip from "T Shirt of the Dead" where Frylock blasts the Easter Bunny's face off, A clip from "Video Oujia" where Frylock kills Billy Witch Doctor, A clip from "Revenge of the Trees" where Frylock destroys one of the trees and grabs Carl]
Come on, let's go! [The montage freeze frames]
MMeatwad
Well, you put that whole thing over the rock music, huh?
[In the giant bong, Shake puts his own colon in his mouth]
MMeatwad
Hoo, boy! What is that? Your colon? Get that out of your mouth. That's gross! You don't know where that's been.
What? I know-- I know exactly where it's been, man.
MMeatwad
Hi, I'm high. Heheheh, you get it Shake? This is awesome.
You know what we need to do? We gotta get some instruments, take lessons, and learn to play them, and then we're gonna have the hottest jam of 'Comfortably Numb' that anyone has ever heard in their life!
Look, yes, I have banged hundreds of broads, internationally, but know this, I wrap my rascal TWO times cause I like it to be joyless and without sensation, as a way of punishing supermodels.
Yeah well, let's see what a DNA test would say about that.
Oh, that's where it starts. Then pretty soon he's gonna want 65 cents for bus fare, liquor for his stomach. You know, I counsel dog in better shape than you. Free-jacking all around here like you're Mick Jagger. [to Ezekiel, he is about to cry] Listen! Why don't you hustle on down to the soup kitchen, Mick?
WAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAH!!!
[Ezekiel runs outside crying]
MMeatwad
Don't go, come on!
[gets in the car seat and buckles up while crying] Daddy no want me! I'm gonna take a bus to Reno!
Oh no, that won't do. Why don't you just stay with us untill you old enough the leave home.
Hooray! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Hoo-ray!
{Sarcastically} Yeah. Huzzah.
MMeatwad
I wanna name him. Can I name him?
No! He's my son! And...NO! No he's NOT my son! Nobody can prove that!
MMeatwad
I wanna name you Jesus... Ezekial... Jesus, and that's from the bible.
That's a good name, Ezekial.
Ezekiel! I am Ezekial! That is me! Ezekial is—I am!
[Carl sees Master Shake in his car with a hose connected from the exhaust pipe to the car interior]
Shake! Shake! Wake up! What are you doin'?
[weakly] My son...he doesn't listen.
[angrily] Look, whatever. Get outta my car! It's freakin' three bucks a gallon--how long have you been running this engine?! What, you think I should pay for this?!?
Yeah, that's right! You're dead, you don't have to worry about it! Meanwhile, your bowels are leakin' all over the dash, stainin' my shag carpet. That's freakin' authentic red pleather, that ain't cheap.
[Carl throws Master Shake out of his car and onto the street]
Smells like friggin exhaust in...here. You know why I had car wash people put cocoa butter smell in there?! Because I want prostitutes to feel welcome! I don't want them to feel like it's a death trap!
[piano music plays]
I'm sorry, Carl. It appears I failed you as well.
Look, I'm sorry. I should not have unloaded on you like that. [puts a steak knife in Master Shake's hand, casual] Here's a steak knife. Go kill yourself on your lawn.
[Before Shake kills himself, Meatwad comes out]
MMeatwad
Hey Shake, what you doin'?
I want my son to feel guilty for what he's doing to me. Bring him outside so he can watch me slit my own throat.
MMeatwad
He's inside, slaying the Chess Dragon. No one beats the Chess Dragon not even me, and I'm retarded.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
