Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Shake

Hey, check that out!

What?

Shake

Yeah, I know! You're sad about it, right?

(still can't hear) What?

Shake

Hold on. (holds up post-it reading, "Your Cat — Dead!!" Meatwad writes one saying, "It's your cat, not mine.") Mr. Sparkles! (Sparkles explodes in microwave)

What?

Frylock

Look at this! It's melted straight through the floor!

Shake

Don't bring that shit in my house!

Frylock

The radioactive mercury isotopes are off the charts. Do you know what this means?

Shake

Yeah. It means new carpets, bitch!

Frylock

Hell, yeah, it does! Gimme some!

Shake

(he has a cigarette in his mouth and ready to smoke) Let's all smoke some cigarettes to celebrate.

Frylock

No, Shake! The gas leak!

Shake

All right (throws his cigarette away), MOM!

(Meatwad answers the door and sees zombie animals) It's a reunion. Group hug.

Frylock

Meatwad back away! There all zombified.

Shake

(Comes out and notices the gorilla) When did you get a gorilla?

Oh, you don't remember this guy? back in '02. I got tired of always loosing them hamsters you know. So I splurged, 'get me a gorilla'.

(Speaking in grunts and sign language) Yeah, you don't remember? Shoving me into a microwave?

Shake

(Now a zombie, Returning after sex with the zombie ape) Do I have a big smile on my face? Oh, I'll never kiss and tell...but I pounded that ape, twice...

Frylock

Meatwad, back away.

Shake

Yeah, and bow down to the king of ape sex!

Frylock

I'm sorry you had to see that, Meatwad, but in order to kill a zombie, you have to separate the brain from the spine.

Shake

(bottom portion standing up) Hey, I just heard, like, a pop, did you hear that?

Frylock

Goddamn Wikipedia!

Frylock

What's your point?

Shake

I never had one. And that just drives you crazy, doesn't it?

Shake

The jewel is mine! (with Frylock's back jewel, rising into the air) I have the power of a thousand suns!

Shake

I'll go twenty on this.

12–thats the best I can do.

Shake

Alright How about 20?

How about 12?

Shake

Count me here. Alright(guesses & clears his throat) Tell you what? I'll go 20.

(mocks him) Tell you what? I'll go 12.

Shake

How about that boom box back there??

That's an AM transistor radio.

Shake

But it will play cassettes right? And the MP3s?

I don't know. Yeah, it does.

Shake

You throw that in?

Okay. Sure.

Shake

YES!!! You got a deal... SUCKER!

Shake

[To Carl] Yo, chubbs! Hey, hairball!

[Puzzled] Okay? Hehe, I'm sorry, you talking to me, there?

Shake

You spin around and direct your attention to me!

You had your cholesterol checked recently? You probably got a heart condition coming on. [chuckles] Oh, yeah!

You serious?

Shake

Yes, big boy.

What, you got, uh... you got a death wish or something, there?

Shake

I'm gonna hop in my pool right now and do a few laps, and when I get out, you had better, if you know what's good for you, have a warm towel for me, hot out of the dryer, and I mean HOT! I will not say it again, so if I were you, I'd get those cottage-cheese thighs moving to the laundry room, and eat a salad once in a while. But time is money...

Time IS money! You GIVE us the money!

Shake

And my time right now is devoted to laps.

Hey, you told him, man. You TOLD him!

Shake

Yeah, I know that I did. It's just so EASY.

I'm gonna tell you Milkshake, you mouth is really writing some checks your cup can't cash.

Shake

Is that right? Well why don't you deposit this in your bank of choice!? [Shoots hole in the side of Carl's house] Boom!

No!

Shake

You take it!

The breakfast nook!

Shake

Yeah!

Ah, that was a whole Tuscan theme!

Yeah, boy, you did it, whoo! You did it!

Shake

What? You callin' me boy?

No.

Shake

Do I look like a small child to you?

No, no, of, of course not, of course not. It's a term of, of endearment. I just.. you know, like "I love you, you love me and... well, we big happy family"... p-please don't hurt me.

Shake

Yes yes, sally forth. Fetch me my floatie, knave.

Aww, yeah, boy! I mean... y-yes, sir. Yes sir, I'm doin' that.

Shake

Ah, oh! (Shake is now seen in Carl's pool) We have talked about this before. I like it at 7, this clearly says 6.8.

What's gotten into you, cup? You put fertilizer on your balls last night?

Shake

Yes...but that is none of your concern, and to clarify, you will speak when spoken to.

No I think I speak when I want, it's a free country, jack!

Shake

Oh, you like to be free, huh? Well feel free, to feel your ass burn! (fires his lasers at Carl, flying him off-screen)

(screams)

Shake

So young...so naive.

Okay, I'm comin' out, I'm comin' out, please don't - (Shake fires lasers at Carl's feet, he backs off) I told you not to shoot! C'mon!

Shake

Is this a game to you?

It's not, it's not, please!

Shake

'Cause it is to me! (Shake fires his lasers at bags of take-out food Carl is holding)

(screams) Look, I ordered the Mongolian beef like you said! It was combination 79, I got the menu right here; you circled it!

Shake

And I changed MY MIND before they got here!

Look, we can reorder!

Shake

I was to receive multiple little corn-cobs, and that is NOT what I got!

That ain't necessary! (Shake shoots Carl with lasers)

(screams) Relax, okay! We... we... we... we... we can reorder!

Shake

Your time is running out my friend. Ya keep makin' mistakes, and sooner or later, I'm gonna have to put ya down.

Shake

I'm gonna catch some Z's and for your sake I hope it doesn't rain... and Carl, when I get up the sheets had better be different. Because your Lawrence Taylor linen set...is not a sexual turn-on...when I'm jerkin' off in your bed.

HE WAS A CHAMPION! (struggling in his chains)

Shake

YEAH!

You don't touch those sheets, you're gonna be pullin' back a stump!

Shake

ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS WATERBED!

I'm gonna get you, Cup, if it's the last thing I do!

Shake

Yes, I'm sure you will. And by 'sure' I mean, I highly doubt. (chuckles as he leaves)

Frylock

Shake, wait. You can't overuse them. They'll do serious damage to your eyes.

Shake

Wow. You know what? (zaps Frylock) BOO-YAH! I will totally annihilate that bridge when I come to it, and, I'm not real happy about your tone right now.

Frylock

Meatwad, did you get the key?

(shoots lasers at the tree) I got what I need, and now I'm gonna tell you what I want. (shoots lasers again) Yeah! That looked good!

Oh, Meatman... you took his friggin eyeballs out. That's intense!

Frylock

Yeah, you didn't have to take his eyes out man! Damn!

(chuckling) Yeah, I did.

Shake

(Comes out and has two empty eye sockets) Okay, fools! I have re-energised, and you will be receiving the dividends of my constant laser spanking. Where are you? And I'm only going to ask that once. And my second question is, where the hell are my eyeballs?

Y'know, you oughta just go ahead and get the corrective surgery.

Frylock

I heard it messes with your night vision, y'know.

I've heard good things about it, though. Think: not having to have that saline, not having to keep up with glasses...

Master Shake

Listen, the technology's improved: it's hard to say no to!

Frylock

Ehh, it's so EXPENSIVE, though...

Yeah, but it's been going down the past couple of years. This one cousin of mine- you know Terry? He-he ain't a medical doctor- he's self-taught, though. He passes the savings onto you.

Markula

Fryman, this could all go away if you would simply pay me for October...and YOU fix the gas leak!

Shake

I'm not fixing that gas leak for me or anyone else, you son of a bitch!

Frylock

Save it Shake.

Markula

Yes, save it, for tomorrow it won't matter when we play pin the tail on the Shake, and we bob for meatballs, and then we'll play ignore the Fryman.

I'm playin' it right now.

Master Shake

Once, there was a beautiful little girl...

What happened to her?

Master Shake

Her mom threw acid on her face because she was jealous of her beauty!

No...

Master Shake

Skulldilocs! Skulldilocs! Thats what the schoolchildren cried... And she was so upset... she threw acid on the schoolkids faces!

Oh my goodness!

Master Shake

Cause somebody from the bible told her to do it!... now press the button...

I don't wanna press the button!

Master Shake

If you don't press it she's gonna come for you in the night!

With a bucket of acid for my face?!?

Master Shake

Spoiler alert: yes...

No!

Master Shake

Press the button with all your might! Now give me your hand!

NO! I won't do it! (Shake smashes the button against Meatwad, pressing it and causing the book to make screaming sounds)

Master Shake

...the children screamed, again and again and again... Press it again (Smashes it againest Meatwad again. making the book scream again.) Press it again twice fast. (Smashes it against Meatwad twice making the book scream twice.)...and Skulldilocs was never found...Good-night! (Leaves a crying Meatwad in his room and is shown locking the door with multiple chains and bars) See ya in hell! (Meatwad squeezes throgh the bottom of the door.) Fine.