Master ShakeLook, yes, I have banged hundreds of broads, internationally, but know this, I wrap my rascal TWO times cause I like it to be joyless and without sensation, as a way of punishing supermodels.
Yeah well, let's see what a DNA test would say about that.
Master Shake
Oh, that's where it starts. Then pretty soon he's gonna want 65 cents for bus fare, liquor for his stomach. You know, I counsel dog in better shape than you. Free-jacking all around here like you're Mick Jagger. [to Ezekiel, he is about to cry] Listen! Why don't you hustle on down to the soup kitchen, Mick?
WAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAH!!!
[Ezekiel runs outside crying]
[gets in the car seat and buckles up while crying] Daddy no want me! I'm gonna take a bus to Reno!
Oh no, that won't do. Why don't you just stay with us untill you old enough the leave home.
Hooray! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Hoo-ray!
Master Shake
{Sarcastically} Yeah. Huzzah.
I wanna name him. Can I name him?
Master Shake
No! He's my son! And...NO! No he's NOT my son! Nobody can prove that!
I wanna name you Jesus... Ezekial... Jesus, and that's from the bible.
That's a good name, Ezekial.
Ezekiel! I am Ezekial! That is me! Ezekial is—I am!
Master Shake
Why do you disappoint me? [Ezekiel starts crying] Second by second, you waste my time.
Shake Shake Shake, lets just have some fun out here, okay?
Master Shake
Why? He sucks. C'mon Sucky, before you ruin the entirety of my future.
Master Shake
The only reason God doesn't erase you from the face of the Earth is because you amuse him somehow.
[Carl sees Master Shake in his car with a hose connected from the exhaust pipe to the car interior]
Shake! Shake! Wake up! What are you doin'?
Master Shake
[weakly] My son...he doesn't listen.
[angrily] Look, whatever. Get outta my car! It's freakin' three bucks a gallon--how long have you been running this engine?! What, you think I should pay for this?!?
Master Shake
No...
Yeah, that's right! You're dead, you don't have to worry about it! Meanwhile, your bowels are leakin' all over the dash, stainin' my shag carpet. That's freakin' authentic red pleather, that ain't cheap.
Master Shake
Yeah...
[Carl throws Master Shake out of his car and onto the street]
Smells like friggin exhaust in...here. You know why I had car wash people put cocoa butter smell in there?! Because I want prostitutes to feel welcome! I don't want them to feel like it's a death trap!
[piano music plays]
Master Shake
I'm sorry, Carl. It appears I failed you as well.
Look, I'm sorry. I should not have unloaded on you like that. [puts a steak knife in Master Shake's hand, casual] Here's a steak knife. Go kill yourself on your lawn.
[Before Shake kills himself, Meatwad comes out]
Hey Shake, what you doin'?
Master Shake
I want my son to feel guilty for what he's doing to me. Bring him outside so he can watch me slit my own throat.
He's inside, slaying the Chess Dragon. No one beats the Chess Dragon not even me, and I'm retarded.
Master Shake
Yes, i would like to speak to a supervisor. Because you were very rude to me. I will fly directly to India tonight and see your face in my face. What is your name?!? Give me your name.
Master Shake
I am about to find out. Hello. Hung up.
Master Shake
You tell me.
Master Shake
I swear to God. A whole night of TV has been ruined, Thank you India. You know it's the Indians and their barbaric ways. Yogurt running down their faces and boobs flapping around. Hey, ever hear of a bra? I've seen one.
[Meatwad is reading through job ads] Hey, here's one. "Looking for dollars? Are you stupid, and gullible, as hell? You may qualify to be part of our dangerous experiment. Bring your resume, wallet, social security, ATM, and all credit cards to Carl's Car Wash. Minorities need not apply, or we gonna sue your balls to the wall." ...That sounds promising.
Master Shake
That job is perfect for you.
CBCarl Brain
I am Carl Brain.
CBCarl Brain
I am Carl Brain.
No no no no no, different-different Carl, okay!?
CBCarl Brain
...I am Carl Brain.
My friend Carl! His brain!
Master Shake
Is that Carl's brain? Over there, on the expressway?
CBCarl Brain
Beware, for it will immediately seize you upon my command, and your mind will be enslaved to forever...polish the chrome at this wash...Car Wash.
CJCarl Jr
Oh! He called you retarded daddy!
CBCarl Brain
Stop him! At once! (pause) From calling me retarded!
CJCarl Jr
Too late, he got away with it.
EWEarl Weaver
It's a bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Guy, it's a freaking light.
EWEarl Weaver
Guy, it's a motherfucking, cocksucking bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
It's a freaking light!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Light!
CHCast of Hairspray
It's a bomb!
EWEarl Weaver
Will you shut the fuck up! You stupid, shit-eating cast of the musical Hairspray! Bunch of faggot motherfuckers!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Look, seriously? It's just a light.
EWEarl Weaver
No! YOU look, seriously! It's a fucking bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Oh, my freaking God! It's a bomb!
CHCast of Hairspray
It's a bomb!
GPGhost of Paul Revere
Get the freak out of here, dude! Hey, hey! Sox rule!
Master Shake
Bomb, light, whatever. It's just a hoax.
Shake, a hoax is a humorous or malicious deception and this is clearly not that.
Master Shake
I don't care! You can't make us leave! [Cut to the house] Damn it! They made us leave!
Well, at least we made some money.
Master Shake
No, I spent it all, on this!
[The Aqua Teens' voice answering machine]
Hi, this is, Frylock. Sorry, we can't come to the phone right now as we're currently being cocooned by military spiders in the Mojave Desert. At the sound of the tone-
Shake
"At the 'sound' of the tone"? Wouldn't it just be "at the tone"?
Shut up, Shake. I like to be thorough.
(singing to his new pet cat, Terrence) Terrence, you have my heart. Terrence, you have my soul. Terrence, you ate a bug today, he's no longer moving. You spit him out, his shell don't taste good. But you ate part of his brain. This is home, this is Mean Street.
Shake
(grabs Terrence) It is time. (Shake leaves with Terrence to the kitchen, as the sound of a microwave turning on is heard)
Shake
A lot of time, these Korean capacitors can't take this many ohms, and then double the problems when you're trying to defrost somebody's kitty cat in there.
Someone's kitty cat? WHOSE kitty cat?
Shake
Whose do ya think?
Shake
(picks up a cat) This is Mr. Sparkles. He is a magician and he is NOT to be touched!
Well then whose kitty cat are we talkin' here?
Shake
Well do the math. You had one, now you have none. What does that equal?
Shake
Terrence— BOOOOM!!
Terrence! My... (sniffles) skinless love...
Shake
I am the king! (chuckles)
Oh, yeah, and the KING is going to sleep out in the yard tonight.
Shake
The grass? That is not a slumber chamber fit for a king!
He was a fine pet, good friend, and he was very cherished and...what was he?
It's a SHE, thank you, and his name was Terrence.
Oh, sorry, Meatwad, yes, SHE, and now she's gone. Her life (sniffle) snuffed out in its prime — oh, my God, what is that smell?
Shake
I'll tell you what. It's called Carl. Right there, where he dropped that deuce!
Shake
You're not gonna be able to stop him now.
It's called Reedickyoulous. Ain't you never seen the ad on TV? "Hey, baby, come by to PICK you up later," only it ain't "pick" they sayin'. It's another word that sounds like "pick", but it's like an inverted p at the beginning, so, you know, it's a different word that sounds like "pick", but it ain't the word "pick". It's a different word...
Shake
Then get it — get me one.
Shake
It lengthens, strengthen, hardens, girthens, straightens, satisfies, and fully pleasures your crotch.
Shake
It's not — they've been sued many times, but women don't get turned on by safe. They crave danger.
Yeah, they want a man who'll try anything, no matter how disreputable the company.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
