Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Master Shake

Leave it to me.

Master Shake

And clearly ladies and gentleman my little wooden friend is torched. And yet, where did he go? Voila! (Dummy appears in lion's mouth) Thank You! Thank you very much! And the gorilla says "You mean the one that fucked' ya up the ass?" and the lion says...

Why? Did it already make the papers?

Master Shake

That's exactly what he said, you son of a bitch! Thank you! We got a million of 'em.

Master Shake

This is huge for me! You know I'm the star, right?

Frylock

Oh, yeah, man, we're real proud of you Shake-

Master Shake

You know what, Frylock? I've found my niche and I've just grooved right into it. (Dummy steals a wing) Hey! Watch the wing sauce on the tux. Jose Feliciano wants us to open for him. That's big!

I wish them dummies was real flesh and blood boys.

Master Shake

No!

Yeah-uh. I do.

Master Shake

Frylock! We found you! I miss your beautiful face!

How was Canada?

Frylock

Canada? Uh, Canada sucks.

Well, so does the Marines.

Well, pack your things, maggot. We goin' to the Middle East.

Master Shake

Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!

Shake, NO!

Master Shake

[His head having been poorly reassembled] Unbelievable! They took me like this!

Master Shake

Uh, Hello! What are you doing over there without me?

Frylock

I'm updating my MySpace page.

Master Shake

Well, I'm about to update your My FACE page with my ASS unless you get in there and read us a story!

I don't want to hear a story, I wanna watch a story.

Master Shake

No, no, the TV is tired of you looking at it!

How do you know? You don't know the TV.

Master Shake

I do! I'm very good friends with the TV. That's how we get all the good shows.

What are you doing, Frylock?

Frylock

I told you once already.

Master Shake

Look. I'm about to whip it out. And I'm gonna urinate all over this room and you will WISH that I did not ingest all that asparagus.

Frylock

All right, go ahead. Whip it out.

Master Shake

He wants to come out and punish you.

Go on. Show him.

Master Shake

Oh, I will. In private. Because there's not enough room in here.

Why don't you ask that TV if he'd mind showing me some Futurama? I like me some Futurama.

Master Shake

Well, now we're too damn cheap to receive it, so go the hell over to Carl Central and watch it to your heart's content.

Carl gets Futurama?

Master Shake

He didn't even want it until we started watching it.

Frylock

Will y'all SHUT UP?! Meatwad, will you pick up this fake vomit? I'm havin' my new friends over for drinks, and they don't need to be seein' that, okay!

Well, only some of it is fake.

Master Shake

Oh, yeah? I'm having friends over too and believe me when I tell you my friends will hurt your friends! They're gonna call them names and beat the ever-loving-sweet crap out of them!

That one's fake... [Meatwad proceeds to roll down the vomit-encrusted hallway, pointing out which is fake vomit and which is real vomit]

Master Shake

Seems like there's a lot more real than fake down here...

Frylock

Will you shut the fuck up and vacuum the hall!

Master Shake

...okay...

Master Shake

I'm making a mojito. Everyone... who would like a mojito.

Frylock

You know we only have one glass, Shake. Keep you nasty mouth off of it, okay? Save it for our guests....for..them to..share.

Master Shake

Someone wants a knife fight. Someone I'm looking at.

Frylock

You sincerely mean that?

Master Shake

Maybe I do. I just don't like the way you boss me.

Frylock

You just calm down, all right? And don't say something like that in front of my friends.

All right, this ain't happening. I'll see you fruits later.

Master Shake

Wawaa... wawaa... wait, wait, my wingman! C'mon! One of them is a WOMAN.

You poke around and figure it out. I have standards!

Well I was told that they was going to get a trampoline. You know, maybe I was just projecting my desires onto them.

Master Shake

I jump on a tramp every night. That's how I roll. The juice just keeps on flowing. Who is writing this down? This is gold.

Master Shake

Means depth for flips and twist. It means this pools poorly contructied. At Bast!

I wanna trampoline.

Master Shake

Ya heard him?! The boy's want your trampoline!

And I want a SpongeBob bounce house, and a donalds hiccups with real llamas. Not the stuffed llamas you win at the ring toss at the fair, but--but I want a fair too. Have them have a fair.

Master Shake

So you're gonna hop to it? Or will I have to beat you down in front of the child?

Master Shake

(as the worker bites him) AAAAHH! What are you, a Vampire?! (Continues screaming) Why didn't I get that tetanus shot?!

Master Shake

Dammit! I can't freestyle anymore!

Frylock

'Cause I created a blaccine. And I injected it into your orange soda when you weren't looking.

Aw, man! The hell you say! Mocha Shakah don't listen to the lies!

Frylock

Oh, really? Shake, what's the boss up to nowadays?

Master Shake

Springsteen? Man I love the E Street Band! You know he's doin an album with Pete Seeger? All acoustic. OH, GOD, NOOO!!

Frylock

YES!

Master Shake

Hey what did the Dow do today? DAMN IT!

Frylock

Down over 60 points.

Master Shake

My 401K! (kicks over Boxy Brown while running off) When do the Simpsons come on?!

Frylock

Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too. (Frylock explodes the same way)

Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...

Master Shake

What are you trying to say? (Meatwad explodes as well) AH! Well, just for the record- (Proudly) I did her, TWICE! All over my jock! (Shake awaits to explode, however he shows to have lied and rejected by her as he doesn't explode) I cannot believe I haven't exploded yet.

[looking at a large crate] What in the hell is—

Master Shake

[smashes Meatwad] Mine is what it is! You don't touch it or look at it…but if you would be so kind as to plug it in, please?

Okey-dokey, Smoky.

Master Shake

Are you getting smart with me?

No.

Master Shake

You better watch your mouth or that mouth will come off!

Okey-dokey, Smoke- um, artichoke-y.

Master Shake

Now, that's better, 'cause vegetables are the core of the universe.

Frylock

Well, fuck you too!

Master Shake

No! Fuck you! Bastard!

Frylock

No, 'cause it's 'fuck you' time!

Master Shake

You got a problem with it! You say it TO MY DAMN FACE!

Frylock

Oh, I said it to your face! A number of times!

Master Shake

Well, my face wasn't looking, and my ears weren't fucking listening!

Frylock

And your teeth are about to stop chewing, too! [pause]

Master Shake

And what's that mean, Big-Man?!

Frylock

[punches Master Shake in the face] It was an awkward attempt to tell you, that I'm about to kick the teeth out your head!

Master Shake

Well, I did not… I did not get that initially!

Frylock

Oh, no, don't you walk away from me! Where you goin'?!

Master Shake

Well obviously I'm gonna tape up my hands... to not ruin my meal ticket WHEN I'M BEATING YOUR FACE SO HARD!!

Frylock

I used up the tape. I taped a present for ya. It's a knuckle sandwich!

Master Shake

Well. I'm not hungry!

Frylock

Well you wrap it up and eat later then!

Master Shake

You wanna step to me?! What are you, a wizard? Let's go!