Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Shake

I got this thing embedded in my ass!

Frylock

Oh, shoot, I'm sorry about that.

Shake

What is it? It looks like an Ethiopian toilet seat.

Frylock

It's just a basketball hoop.

Shake

What is this "bas-ket-ball" you speak of?

Frylock

Oh, hell, I forgot to put sports on the DVD!

Shake

(scoffs) And what is this "sports" you speak of?

Frylock

Shake, he's out of batteries.

Shake

No, he's being lazy!

Master Shake

[attacking the TV] Who's laughing now, bitch?! Piece of crap cable!

Frylock

What are you doing?

Master Shake

Maintenance! Shut up!

No, no, no.... don't shake it up, let the snow settle! That way you can see the little San Fransisco in there!

Master Shake

[enthusiastically] Well, come here! Let's see if we can see it together!

Okay!

Master Shake

[kicking Meatwad offscreen] HA! It's not a snowglobe, you IGNORAMUS!

Frylock

How many TV's have you broken this year?

Master Shake

A lot more than you have! I'm teaching this object a lesson. If it doesn't want to get hit anymore, it'll straighten up and fly right!

Master Shake

This is not a time for you to be picky, Carl. That's all you can get when you go to the West End.

[arms start beating up Carl] Get it off, rip it off. What am I doing, oh God!

Frylock

Oh no! The body's rejecting the head!

Oh, ya think?! Get it off me!

Frylock

Hold on!

So.. did it work?

Master Shake

Of course it worked!

Frylock

No it didn't!

Master Shake

Of course it worked not at all. Which is what I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted.

Frylock

Take this body back, and not through town!

Frylock

I give you the ultimate in military hardware! Complete with laser cannon, indestructible titanium exoskeleton, and motion activated plasma pulse rifles.

Master Shake

And you're gonna plug him in?!

Frylock

You're right. Damn, what the hell was I thinking?

Fudge!

Frylock

That's not an F-bomb.

Fart you!

Turn it left, turn it left! I keep hittin' the same spot. Look, you're gonna break my friggin' nose!

Frylock

Sorry Carl, I still haven't gotten used to the...

Just give me the damn thing!

Frylock

This switch makes it go left and right, and this switch is power.

Which lever sort of turns me to the lawyer, [ ] and makes me sue the hell out of you?!

Frylock

All right, easy Carl. Don't make me have to shut the power off.

[terrified] D-d-d-don't do that. Just sorta put it on my chin. I'll frickin' steer it with my tongue. [his tongue is made out of glass and pushes the controller off]

Frylock

That may not work. Let's just get Meatwad to drive ya home. Meatwad!

Master Shake

Get him off me, please!!!

Yes?

Master Shake

I didn't mean it! Everything I say about you, I mean about myself!

Shut up, boy, I make it worse!

Frylock

Not in the house!!

Master Shake

No-no-no-no I need to live!!!

Zone in-target.

Target locked in.

Got him! Fudge you, butthole!

Master Shake

We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years, and it will continue to work.

I don't know whose clothes that is, but, someone ain't wearin' that again, I tell you that.

Master Shake

You call this organic!?

Frylock

Well, you look in the box! All they sent were eyeballs.

Master Shake

I’m not going near that box.

Frylock

Let’s just see if it works.

Master Shake

Wait a minute. Before you turn him on, do you think he’ll be able to see us?

Frylock

In ways you can only imagine.

Master Shake

But look, I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Because if I woke up lookin’ like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.

Master Shake

(trying to imitate tree) Typical! Filthy humans! You have no respect for us trees!

He ripped my arms off!

Master Shake

Shut up! I didn't rip them!

Frylock

Shake, you're making it worse!

Master Shake

Go back to your "Strip Malls!"....where values are king....

How old is the defendant?

Frylock

He's uhhhh..... twenty-one!

TWENTY-ONE?!?

Master Shake

(to Frylock) Eighteen!

Frylock

How 'bout eighteen?

............. EIGHTEEN?!?

Master Shake

No wait, sixteen

Umm, I think he's sixteen, ok?

We shall find his age! CUT HIM IN HALF! COUNT HIS RINGS!!!

Master Shake

Okay! I'm an adult! Okay, it's fine!

Wood Court is now in session. If you do not have a lawyer, this shrub will be appointed for you.

Guilty! Guilty! My clients plead guilty!

Master Shake

Shut up!

Please note Exhibit A: on the wooden video, you will clearly see the accused dumping the oil!

Master Shake

Frylock, I'm telling you, that's not me in that video....because that's nothing! There's nothing up there! What the hell is th- this is bark!

Is the defendant a minor?

Master Shake

(to Frylock) Daddy! Daddy, you're home from your business trip! And you're sober!

Frylock

Shake...

Master Shake

Mommy moved to the city with Mommy's friend Jerry! And he tried to hit me, Daddy! Not like you do, in an extra-mean way...

Master Shake

(to Meatwad) Say it! How many years are you?!

Frylock

(to Meatwad) Just say how old you are, Meatwad.

(pause) ....I don't know.

Can I blow out the candles now? There's just wax all over my cake.

Master Shake

Of course, it's your birthday...but you gotta cough up the royalties first.

Frylock

How much did that cost you, Shake?

Master Shake

(exasperated) (Yawns) So tired of people in the private sector- Look, every business has an initial investment, okay? Everybody have birthdays and they all need to sing.

Frylock

HOW MUCH...did it cost?

Master Shake

(sighs, grabs ledger) Well, I guess we'll start with travel. Zach, as you well know, traveled by a train of white stallions...which I had to buy and feed... and of course, you know the snow machine-

Frylock

(grabs ledger) Give me that. 1.4 million dollars?!

Master Shake

The money is going to roll right in. D'you know how many birthdays there are in a year? There are hundreds. Literally...hundreds.