Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Zakk Wylde

Is Milkshake here?

Frylock

No, no, no.... I mean.

Zakk Wylde

The beating I'm about to inflict upon him is going to be indescribable.

He's in the back. Go ahead and get 'em!

Zakk Wylde

Allright, thanks. Nice place, by the way. (sees Shake hiding in the back) Hey, I see ya!

Master Shake

Zakk, my man! I've been looking all over- thank God you stopped by! (Zakk lifts up his guitar, pointing the "axe" end toward shake's head) No, no.... PUT THAT DOWN! (Zakk lodges the axe between Shake's eyes) AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!

(mumbling) I'm seeing trees! I'll take care of it.... I'm a tree..... I'm a tree wizard!

Master Shake

Hey, that is great! Come on in, I've got a tray of muffins....

Muffins! (grabs the tray of muffins)

Master Shake

One, take ONE! (grabs the tray from him)

Tree wizard will be six dollars and forty-eight cents! (mumbles)

Master Shake

Kids are comin' to see the Black Mountain Scorpion Hoedown Blugrass Experience Gang, featuring Zakk Wylde on washtub bass. Zakk, did we not do the soundcheck?

Zakk Wylde

No, jackass, I'm not working with any plastic scorpions. These things are beyond gay.

Zakk Wylde

Why did I even get wasted and work with you? I mean, this isn't even a microphone. It's a stick with a marshmallow on it.

Master Shake

The room is intimate. Just project.

Zakk Wylde

Project what?! I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about!

Master Shake

You gotta go from the diaphragm.

Zakk Wylde

I mean I was fuckin' wasted when we recorded it!

Master Shake

(Willie throws the TV out the window) HEY! That was my window to the world!

Well now it's been shattered by the monster. Pretty scary, right?

Master Shake

No! Whats that word that's the exact opposite of scary?

Tacos?

Master Shake

Taco?! Where?! Get outta my way, those are mine I made them!

There's a monster? In the attic?!

Willie Nelson

Yeah... um, I was driven here by the villagers... when I was doing 30 in a 25... and, uhm, I guess when I say villagers, it's more like this one guy... I really didn't know him.. but- eh, I knew him, but it's not like we were buds or anything.

Master Shake

Do you want him to repeat that?

Frylock

No, I heard it.

Master Shake

(disdainfully) Well, thanks for joining us, now.

Master Shake

You are the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown!

Willie Nelson

Whoa! Easy! Where's this coming from?

Master Shake

No! Let's get down to it. What I say is very baffling!

Frylock

(Pulling Shake away from Willie) Hey, whoa you two. We don't want any trouble here, alright?

Willie Nelson

No I'm with you. I don't think violence solves anything.

Master Shake

God, you're gay! You don't think violence solves anything?! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?!

Willie Nelson

Look, I'm-- I'm pretty hardcore. I mean, I've been known to do a number on plenty of guys.

Master Shake

Do a number? Yeah, I bet you do a number, in your tights on broadway, which is where you moved to after ya left Texas Chainsaw Mascara, where you're from!

Willie Nelson

What's he talking about?

Master Shake

How much you wanna bet me you couldn't scare Jack?

Master Shake

You wanna see how to scare the neighbor? Check this out.

[answering] What?

Master Shake

Hey, catch!

[thrown at Carl] Hey Carl.

[knocked to the floor] Aaaah! Get him off, get him off, get him off...

Willie Nelson

Cool, can I try that?

Master Shake

No. Only I can do that.

Willie

Wait, so, are we trying to scare him or are we trying to kill him?

Master Shake

Killing is scaring.

Frylock

What's up with the razor?

Willie Nelson

Oh, well, I shave once every couple days. It's nerve-wracking. It's supposed to be.

Shake

Well, it's not.

[horrified] You shave up there?!

Frylock

Don't mind me, I'm just a sailor on shore leave... from the Ship of the Damned!! Muah hah hah.

Okay.

Frylock

You know, the Ship of the Damned?

Nuh uh.

Frylock

Famous short story about a ship that had a hole in it?

No.

Master Shake

Yeah, just go put on your ballerina shoes get the rest of the outfit, be who you really are...Dr. Zhivago. Yeah, you suck.

Frylock

I'll just go get the candy, okay?

He's gettin' candy!

Master Shake

I got ten bucks says he's wearin' women's panties under that.

... Under what?

Master Shake

I know what I said, Meatwad!

Master Shake

Now remember: You have NO regard for human life, especially women, because they have the organs that you wish that YOU had! So you want to make a suit from them.

Willie Nelson

I don't wanna make a suit!

Master Shake

Listen to me, that's how it's done. All you concern yourself with is KILL KILL KILL!!! You GOT IT?! None of this "the shaving, the shaving" crap! Cause it's throwing you off! And Who is gonna stop you ANYWAY?! You're immortal!

Willie Nelson

Are you sure? I-I-That doesn't sound right.

Master Shake

Please uh, do me another favor. Lose the shaving. Monsters don't groom themselves! THEY'RE FREAKING MANIACS! UUUUHH!!

Shake

Doesn't matter cause I ain't picking those up.

Well it's all your bull crap. All them Battlestar Earth plastic drink cups.

Don't you touch those! They're in mint condition, and they're going to stay that way.

I'll touch them all the way to the trash, that's what I'll do.

Shake

You do that and your GI Joes are gonna be MIA my friend. Then who's gonna call, little mama joe, and tell her that her boy ain't comin' home, because someone fell asleep on guard duty!

If anybody needs me...I'll be outside...with the shovel, sucka!

Master Shake

Oh no, you don't! That bullion is mine!

Look at him. He dumb as hell.

Frylock

He sure is, Meatwad. He sure is.

Frylock

No, no, no, NO!

Shake

I know! The stupid pirates must have buried it under the gas line!

Frylock

I told you fourteen inches!

Shake

You tell me a lot of things! But that doesn't mean that I have to listen!

Frylock

Oh my God! Shake?

Master Shake

Oh my God, Frylock, WHAT?! Why's everything gotta be a federal case with you?...yeah, you heard what I said! I said it!