[First lines of the original series]
Newsreel of the Stars! Dateline: Hollywood, 1930, the Warner Bros. Studio. Here at the studio's new animation department, the artists toil endlessly to come up with cartoon stars, ultimately creating three new characters. [The Animator, Lon Borax, draws a wise-cracking, smart-and-fast-talking, oldest sibling with pants with a black belt; a very sweet-natured, loving, laughable, and positive middle sibling with a backwards baseball cap and a pale turtleneck sweater; and a cute and sassy youngest sibling with a skirt with a flower ribbon. Then he gets a red marker and paints them on their noses] The Warner Brothers and their sister, Dot.
[They jump out of the paper and Dot sits on The Animator and Yakko and Wakko jump on The Nurse]
Unfortunately, the Warner kids were totally out of control.
[The Trio runs off]
[bouncing down the stairs] Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy!
The trio ran amok throughout the studio. Until their capture. The Warners' films, which made absolutely no sense, were locked away in the studio vault, never to be released! As for the Warners themselves, they were locked away in the studio water tower, also never to be released! Publicly, the studio has disavowed any knowledge of the Warners' existence, to this very day- when the Warners escaped!
[narrating] After the Varner Brothers escaped, I was called to see the chairman of the board of the Varner Brothers studio.
[Dr. Scratchansniff enters the office. He sits at one end of the long table while a short, stout man sits at the other end. The man pushes a button, closing the curtains]
[smiles, then shouting] THE WARNER BROTHERS ARE WREAKING HAVOC THROUGHOUT THE STUDIO, SCRATCHANSNIFF! AND I WON'T HAVE IT! [walking on the table up to a nervous Dr. Scratchansniff] In order for a studio to run efficiently, there must be order, calmness, control. The Warner Brothers have taken the calmness and replaced it with chaos! They're too zany, Scratchansniff! I haven't been this upset since we made Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. And I have chosen you to get the Warner Brothers under control.
Because you're a psychiatrist, dummy.
Und zo, I scheduled an appointment with The Varner Brothers. I'll never forget our first session...
[Hello Nurse leads The Warner Siblings to Dr. Scratchansniff's office while Wakko drums to her footsteps]
The Warner Brothers are here for their 3:00 appointment. You be good little boys.
YWYakko and Wakko
Mmm. [fall their heads down]
[After Hello Nurse leaves, Yakko and Wakko's tongues pop out while they are in love]
[walks over, and pulls their tongues back into their mouths like a window shade; shrugs to the camera] Boys.
[jumps into Scratchy's arms along with Wakko] How you doing, Scratchy?
Oh, sure. Take all the umbrage. Don't leave any for us.
No, I mean I take offence.
And you want our fence too? [pulling a wooden plank fence out of nowhere] All right, take it, but that's all. We're tapped out. [gives Dr. Scratchansniff the wooden plank fence]
[throws the wooden plank fence away] I think it's time we got down to business, ja?
[rapping] Now-our first quarter figures are really low as this-a business-a graph will hopefully show.
We're getting down... to business.
[takes the stick] You always make ze jokes. Zis is not good. No more jokes, ja? [the Warner Siblings nod] Ja. Good, now, plant yourselves on ze couch there. [the Warner Siblings jump onto the couch and literally sprout up into flowers] I said, no more jokes!
This isn't a joke, it's a visual gag.
Well, no more jokes, gags, or monkey stuff.
Yeah, THE MONKEY STUFF! THE MONKEY STUFF! You know, you walks around like a silly monkey. [acting like a monkey] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Und' you be all goofy like a monkey. Zat is the monkey stuff.
[The Warner Siblings look at the camera with confusion]
Maybe you should see a p-sy-chiatrist.
I am a p-sych-...uh. I mean, a psychiatrist! EUH! [while he paces back and forth, the Warner Siblings follow him, copying him, walking like Ancient Egyptians, and as a British tourist group] Ah... I know vhat you kids vant, ja! You vant to talk to Mr. Puppethead! [pulls out a hand puppet resembling him] Hello kids, I'm Mr. Puppethead! Tell me vhy you always make the jokes. [the Warners look at the puppet awkwardly] Vhy aren't you talking with Mr. Puppethead? No, no, it iz very easy. Watch me, watch me. [clears throat] Hello, Mr. Puppethead, how are you? I am fine, Dr. Scratchansniff. How are you? I am fine, Mr. Puppethead. Did you have a yummy breakfast? Oh yes, yes! Very yummy, thank you. How was your breakfast? My breakfast was yummy as vell. [to the Warner siblings] Now you see? Isn't that easy?
Uhmm...are you sure you don't want to see a p-sychiatrist?
I am a p-sychi- I mean psychiatrist! [tearing at his hair with the puppet] I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM!
Dot...may I call you "Dot"?
Yeah. But call me "Dottie" and ya die.
"Dot" is it. I'm going to show you some pictures, und I vant you to tell me what they look like. [shows Dot an inkblot] Vhat do you say to this?
I'd say you're not a very good artist.
Well, whoever did needs to go back to school.
No, no, no. It's not supposed to look like anything!
Then you did a very good job.
I DIDN'T DRAW IT! Doesn't it looks like a little kitty cat or a butterfly or something?
No. [takes off the inkblot and changes it into a butterfly] That's a butterfly.
[The butterfly comes to life, and Dot tries to catch it with the butterfly net, but catches Scratchy's head instead, much to his annoyance]
Now, then, Wakko, let's you and I talk, hmm?
Good. Vhat's on your mind?
No, no, no. Your hat is on your head. Vhat is on your mind?
No, that's on your head. Vhat's on your mind?
Your hair is on your head! [tears off some of his hair] ZIS IS HAIR! ZIS IS HAIR! IT IS NOT ON MY MIND! IT IS ON MY HEAD!
[shakes in anger before exhaling] Let's try something different, okay?
Vhy don't you tell me vhat you're feeling?
No, that's vhat you're touching.Vhat are you feeling?
THAT'S VHAT YOU'RE TOUCHING! VHAT ARE YOU FEELING?! [calms down] Just tell me how you feel.
Good! Now, ve're getting somewhere. Vould you care to expand on that?
Okay. [breaths in and his whole body expands like a balloon]
Vhat? No, no! Not that type of expanding! STOP IT!
[Wakko pricks himself with a sewing pin and flies around the room like a deflating balloon before falling into Scratchansniff's lap]
'Scuse me. [kisses Scratchansniff full on the mouth and runs away]
[Dr. Scratchansniff growls and tears out more of his hair]
Now, then, Yakko, let us do a little word association, hmm? I'll say a word, und you say any word that you think of. Any word that comes to mind.
No, no. We haven't started.
Would - You - Please - Listen?!
NO, YOU STUPID KID! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
[screams in frustration and carries Yakko to the door] Get out, get out, GET OUT!
[kicks him out and slams the door, huffing and puffing] THOSE KIDS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!
[pops his head through the door] Insane, unhinged, demented.
[Dr. Scratchansniff angrily shakes his fist at Yakko, tears out his remaining hair, and collapses on the floor, sobbing]
[Back to Hollywood, present day, in psychiatrist's office]
Und zis is how it's been. Zey's always driving me kooky in the kopf, und they're still not de-zanitized. Am I crazy, doctor? [turns to see in shock] Huuuh!
[The psychiatrists are revealed to be The Warner Siblings]
[in a German accent] You are suffering from acute Warneritis.
AAH! [literally blasts off into Outer Space like a rocket ship, leaving a hole shaped like himself in the ceiling, and blasting all the way to Mars. He crashes upon landing on Mars]
[in a normal voice] Was it something I said?
