[The cartoon opens up on an aerial shot of The Warner Brothers Studio as upbeat music plays throughout the background. Cut to Warner Brothers Studios building. Inside, a woman passes by a portrait of Thaddeus Plotz. Camera pans right to his office]
UMUnknown man
[first lines; to two other unknown men] He's a chicken, I tell ya. A giant chicken!
[Fade to inside of office]
Dr. Scratchansniff, do you know what keeps this studio running?
Err, your brilliant leadership, T.P.?
I mean besides that. What keeps this place going?
YES! That's it, sniff. And how do we pay for those movies? With money! money. And we need more. With that in mind, I've invited some powerful foreign investors to come here tomorrow. They'll prepare to give us... [babbling and drooling in excitement] 1 billion of it. Billion of it. 1 billion. 1 billion dollars! Do you know what that means?
Ja, that's a one with lots und lots of zeros after it.
No! It means tomorrow is the most important day in the studio's history! I'm throwing a gala banquet on sound stage 10. Now, every star in Hollywood will be there. Investors will get the royal treatment, and we'll get the check, IF, it goes smoothly. There's just one catch. Before they invest, they wanna meet every one who works here. Including you.
Ooh, that's nice. I like to party.
And including, the Warner Brothers.
[The Warner Siblings are running around outside]
YWYakko and Wakko
Hi, T.P.!
DotAnd the Warner Sister.
No, T.P.! Don't let the investors meet The Warners! They're out of control! They're koo-koo! They're-
Your responsibility. You're the studio psychiatrist. You have 24 hours, Scratchensniff, to teach them some manners. I can't have those-those-What are they?
Well, I can't have them ruining this banquet! Understand?!
Trying is not good enough, Scratchensniff. [shouting loudly, blowing Dr. Scratchensniff away] DO IT!!!
[bouncing out of the building] Uh! Eh! Pleugh! [falls down, and rests his elbow on the concrete, irate] Rggrgh!
[After "The Studio Shrink Song"]
Stop zat! Stop! Do you know why you're here?
No one really knows why, Doc, although Schopenhauer put forth an interesting theory-
Dot
Then why'd you say it?
[standing next to Miss Interpreting] No, this is Miss Interpreting.
[standing next to Miss Understanding] This is Miss Understanding.
Dot
[laying on a pillow] And I'm Miss-terious.
[playing with a golden bust of Sigmund Freud] Wow, a giant Pez dispenser! Want one?
Stop playing with my bust!
[Awkward pause]
[blows the audience a kiss] Goodnight, everybody!
Be quiet, please! I have something to tell you!
Get right to the scary part.
Dot
The part with my pet. [opens the tiny white box. Dot's pet appears as giant crab with eyeball replacing its head]
[startled] Eagh! Ya, yeah your pet, okay. Good pet. Heh heh heh. Now, listen. The studio is getting a big fancy party for some new investors, with movie stars und everything, und, uh, you have been invited.
Dot
Mel Gibson.
Please! There's also some bad news.
Dot
Bea Arthur is putting out a swimsuit calendar?
She is? Of course, not. No. The bad news is you can only go if I train you to be polite, clean, well-dressed children on your best behavior.
Dot
[wearing a party hat and holding a pony by the reins in front of balloons] I thought you said it was a party!
Und now my little, uh, friends, we shall begin training you for the party. Oh, Miss Nurse! Will you please come in here?
[Hello Nurse opens the door, walking in provocatively]
YWYakko and Wakko
[panting] Hello, Nurse!
Dot
Boys, go fig.
Miss Nurse here, is going to assist me in your lessons on etiquette. We'll start with ze receiving line. [the Warner Siblings all form a line behind Hello Nurse and do a conga dance] No, no, zat's a conga line!
Ooh, nice to know you're up on your dance steps, doc.
Grragh! Hurgh! Hrrr! RRRRR!
Now, in a receiving line, if I introduced her to you, what would be ze proper greeting?
YWYakko and Wakko
Hello, Nurse!
No, no, a proper greeting like zis. [bows and shake hands] "How do you do?" Now, you try.
[bows and shake hands] How do you do...that thing with your mouth? [lands in Hello Nurse's arms, then kisses her] Take me away, but be gentle. I'm fragile. [fractures into many tiny pieces]
[as Dot puts Yakko back together] No, no, it is impolite to be that personal. [to Wakko] Wakko?
No, I want you to greet ze lady.
[literally zooms around to Hello Nurse at lightning speed, with a lightning bolt trailing behind him, kissing her] Hello, Nurse!
No, no, no, "How do you do?".
Oh, fine, thanks. [shakes Dr. Scratchensniff's hand]
Rgh! [to Dot] Dot, would you care to give it a try? But, I'd like you to make a little curtzy.
Dot
Thanks, but I did before I left home.
No, a curtzy, make a little curtzy!
YWYakko and Wakko
[laughing] Make a little curtzy, a curtzy! [do a curtzy] A little curtzy! [do a curtzy, they laugh more]
Stop it! Stop zat! I am not here to amuse you!
Then, please, stop being so funny!
[Wakko laughs]
[facepalms] Now, Dot, please give it a try.
Dot
How do you do? [does a curtzy, then midway, collapses onto the floor] Tee-hee, curtsy laugh.
Ooh! [double facepalms on the couch] Nngnhuh! Let's move on.
YWYakko and Wakko
And lift!
Dot
[pushing a fridge with a lift] Comin' through!
Uh, where do you want the couch, Mac?
Now, we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution?
Stay inside during a thunder storm.
[Wakko does a rim shot]
No, no, elocution, diction, pronunciation! We will work on our vowel sounds! Let's pronounce zis! A-e-i-o-u.
[trying to pronounce the as one word] "Aeiou"...
No, no. I want ze letters, the letters!
[dressed as mail men, throwing actual letters out of mail bags] Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff.
Hey! Doctor Otto Scratchansniff! You may have won 10 million dollars!
Dot
Are you married? [kisses Dr. Scratchansniff 6 times. The lip imprints stay]
Dot
With a temper like that, it's no wonder.
Stop! Haltenzie! For-ge-No! In your seats! [the lip imprints disappear] If you want to go to the party, you must stop with the gags!
[The Warner Siblings all wear physical restraints. Wakko has a lock, and Yakko and Dot have blindfolds over their mouths]
[in unison with Dot, taking the blindfolds off] Oh, alright.
[The Warner Siblings all jump off a high diving board into a small tub of water]
[The Warner Siblings splash him and the screen]
[nervously] Please, tell our honored new investors this party is our way of saying welcome, and, heh heh heh, [in a Western accent] you're A-O.K., partner. Ha ha ha ha.
TMiss Tanaka
[to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Yoko so, soshite anat wa A-O.K., partner. ("Welcome, And you're A-O.K., partner.")
[still nervous] Heh heh heh.
Ahem. Dr. Scratchensniff is arriving with The Warner Brothers.
[praying] Please, let those kids behave. I want my money. I want my money.
Uh... [points to Dr. Scratchensniff and the Warner Siblings]
Mr. Chairman, may I present, the Warner Brothers!
Dot
Addendum-the Warner Sister.
TMiss Tanaka
[in a Japanese accent] Gokigen ikaga desuka? ("How are you?")
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Tokyo wa totemo omoshiroi tokuro desu ne. ("Tokyo is an extremely interesting place, isn't it?")
[to Yakko, in a Japanese accent] Zehi irashite kudesai. ("Please, go there.")
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Mada iki basho ga areba ne. ("If there's still a place to go, eh?")
[He and the Japanese investors laugh. Thaddeus Plotz laughs. The Japanese investors look at him. Thaddeus Plotz sighs weakly]
[The Warners walk into the party. They see Spike Lee, Annette Bening, and Warren Beatty sitting at a table]
SLSpike Lee
[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?
[They see Bea Arthur sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito, who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish]
BABea Arthur
I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.
DDDanny DeVito
[gags] Not while I'm eating!
Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.
[shocked] What? But they did their part of the bargain.
I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!
[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?
[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.
Dot
Yeah!
Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.
Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-Go on now. [leaves]
Dot
No dinner with Mel Gibson?
No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?
No chit-chat with Don Knotts?
[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.
Ferman Flaxseed is pouring a bag of marshmallows into a barrel. Yakko, disguised as a mail man, comes in with a telegram for him]
Telegram for Ferman Flaxseed! [hands him the envelope] How about a tip?
FFFerman Flaxseed
Don't eat lead!
[as he and Dot appear out of envelope] Didja miss us?
Dot
Give us a kiss, kid! [kisses him on the nose. They run as he gives chase]
Look! Malted milk balls! [pours the malted milkballs out of the jar and into his mouth. He becomes a machine gun as Ferman Flaxseed advances towards them. He spits them out with Dot winding his tail, shooting at Ferman Flaxseed. Ferman Flaxseed deflects the malted milkballs, which go into Yakko's mouth, using the silver platter as a shield. Wakko runs out of malted milkballs] I'm out!
FFFerman Flaxseed
[angrily grabs Wakko and Dot and holds them up] Naugh-ty, naugh-ty children!
[offscreen] Stop right there! [as her shadow overlooms Ferman Flaxseed] You put those children down, you beast!
[Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July stands at the doorway with a ruler, very angrily; Yakko smiles]
FFFerman Flaxseed
But, you-don't understand! They were-
WDWakko and Dot
[pretending to cry] WAH!
Come on, girls! That's the one I toldja about! Get him!
[She and the nuns march in angrily, with yard sticks in their hands. Camera trucks-in on Ferman Flaxseed's terrified face]
FFFerman Flaxseed
Wait! You're nuns! You're not allowed to resort to physical violence!
He's right. Let us pray. [she and the nuns pray mumblingly. Outside Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy, a Notre Lame bus pulls up. Cheerleaders and The Notre Lame Marching Band come out of the bus as The Notre Lame Football Team comes to beat up Ferman Flaxseed] Our prayers have been answered! [blows the whistle]
[The Notre Lame Football Team marches down an aisle of Cheerleaders and beat up Ferman Flaxseed]
WWarnerss
[cheerleading] Clobber Flaxseed, clobber Flaxseed! Sis-boom-bah! Fighting Irish, Fighting Irish! Rah! Rah! Rah!
Dot
Go, Flaxseed! [violence stops] Just kidding!
[Violence continues. The Warners eat popcorn as they watch the violence. The Notre Lame Football Team stops beating up Ferman Flaxseed, and leaves. So do Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July and the nuns. Ferman Flaxseed is beaten up and weak from the fight]
You should go hit the shower!
[They throw him into the quick drying chocolate. He gets covered in chocolate]
Make sure to wash behind your ears!
[They dunk him in quick drying chocolate. He becomes a chocolate bunny]
Dot
He's so cute!
[Open on The Himilayas. Triumphant music plays in the background]
The Himalayas. The largest mountains on the face of the Earth. [Fade to an "Up this way" sign, outside Mt. Gesundheit] And here, high atop Mt. Gesundheit, lives the wisest creature in the world. The great Wally Llama, knower of all that is knowable. People from all over the globe seek his advice, for there is no question he does not have an answer to.
WLWally Llama
So, you see, Miss MacLaine, there is no way you could have been Kaye Ballard in another life. She is a Winter, and you are definitely an Autumn.
SMShirley MacLaine
It's true! There is no question you don't know the answer to. Oh, thank you, Wally Llama. [kissing Wally Llama on the lips] Mmm . [skips away]
WLWally Llama
Huh, boy, what a dumb question. Phew! [goes back inside his temple. He puts a "Closed" sign on his door] All day long questions, questions. I'm sick of questions! I will answer no more questions today. [goes into his meditation room. He sits down on his cushion, pulling on a rope. A T.V. set pops up. He watches a Western, sighing]
[Outside the temple, The Warner Siblings are walking up the stairs to The Temple of Wally Llama. They sit down on a step, tired, exhausted, panting]
Phew. That's worse than sweating to the oldies.
Dot
But not as annoying.
True, no Richard Simmons.
[Dot pants. Wakko Eats snow, then turns to see The Temple of Wally Llama]
Hey, there it is! The temple of Wally Llama!
Dot
C'mon!
[The Warner Siblings run up to the doors. Yakko rings the doorbell]
Wow. Just think, siblings, soon we'll know the answer to the most important question in the whole wide world.
[Wakko Eats more snow. Yakko rings the doorbell]
WLWally Llama
Go away! [all Warner Siblings sniff themselves and shrug. Yakko rings the doorbell again] I said, "Go away"! I am missing Baywatch.
But we have a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very- [Yakko jabs him with his elbow] important question to ask you.
WLWally Llama
I'm sick of questions! Everybody always wants to ask me a question. [mockingly] "Oh, Wally Llama, I have a question". "Oh, Wally Llama, why is this?" "Why is that?" [angrily] No! I am not answering anymore questions today!
WLWally Llama
That's a question! And I'm not answering it. So there! [slams door]
[Yakko rings doorbell]
Dot
This is fun!
[The Warner Siblings put on a slide show]
Dot
Oh, great Llama, we have journeyed 8,000 miles through rain, sleet, and snow.
Dot
We humbly request that you answer our one, tiny, ever-so-important question.
WLWally Llama
Well... [angrily shouting, blowing Dot away] NO! [slams door]
["Let the Anvils Ring" plays]
Let us introduce ourselves, o people of this land.
We are the Warner brothers...
Dot
With sister close at hand.
I bet you all are wondering who is this young unknown? And why am I inheriting the Anvilanian throne?
CCrowd
Oh, please, please tell us why.
The bottom of the family tree.
Starts with Yakko; that is me.
I'm the cousin to the sister of son's niece's brother,
Of the uncle's daughter's father, of the nephew's sister's mother,
And my grandpa's only cousin was the King's daughter's sibling,
But they're all gone.
CCrowd
He is now our king!
Yes, I am now your king! Repeat what I just said!
CCrowd
Repeat what I just said! He is now our king!
[Anvil instrumental break with Anvil Chorus]
[to the tune of Old McDonald] Old King Yakko's mania [anvils play "E-I-E-I-O"] Was for Anvilania! [anvils play "E-I-E-I-O"]
So good citizens, I pledge to you, I'll do the best that I can do. For honor, country and the king...Let the anvils ring!
CCrowd
Let the anvils ring!
CChorus
Let the anvils ring!
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
