Adventure Time · Season 5
Captain, the milk delivery has arrived.
Well, check them in, Private.
Yes, sir. [walks out]
And, Private, I'm very thirsty. Bring me back the most delicious flavor they have.
Yes, sir!
Cinnamon Bun, you can't sleep with the nightlight anymore. You're basically 30. It's starting to bum everyone out.
I CAN'T HANDLE THIS DENIAL OF LIIIGHT!!!
Yeah, well...
[Finn and Jake stand up before a pile of ordinary, everyday objects]
Now that's a time machine.
Hey, sweetie! Sweetie, look! Your time machine's all ready!
Aw yeah, you havin' fun, dad?
Aw, anything for my baby pup.
OK. As long as you're having fun.
[laughing] Time machine! SHIPYOW!
[Jake presses a button, when suddenly the entire room gets covered in a red light. Finn and Jake scream while Jake Jr. is shouting in Korean and then everything suddenly stops]
Ha-ha! There it is! You see? The birdhouse door—it's right above the peg thingy. Why didn't I think of that? [laughing] Well, I guess that's it for this week. I'll see you crimpy glimmers on the-- what? What's that? You want to finish the grayble? [the screen is seen moving up and down, implying the viewer is shaking his head in confirmation] You want to see if you can still guess the theme? [the screen is seen left and right, implying the viewer is shaking his head in negation] You just want to see how it ends. [the screen is seen moving up and down, implying the viewer is shaking his head in confirmation] Well, let's get right to it, then. Ha-ha.
[The scene cuts back to the Tree Fort, the camera reveals the bright red lights are coming from BMO, making an alarm.]
STRANGER! STRANGER! STRANGER! STRANGER! STRANGER! [he is shown pointing toward Cinnamon Bun trying to take the night-light in form of Jake. As he continues saying "STRANGER!", Cinnamon Bun puts his finger before his lips, telling BMO to hush. Jake Jr. then walks up to BMO and types "ITS OK," making BMO disarm the alarm] Excuse me.
[puts BMO down and turns toward Cinnamon Bun] HEY! Why are you trying to steal my dad's stuff!?!
Hey, I need a night-light because I'm so scared!
Man, you can't steal, dummy. [Cinnamon Bun starts crying] Fine! [uses her hair to get the night-light and gives it to Cinnamon Bun] Here. NOW GET LOST!
[gasps; laughing] Yes! Take that, Princess Bubblegum! [leaves the Tree Fort in a hurry; Jake Jr. closes the door]
Jake Jr., I'm sorry for messing up your time travel.
Aw, that's OK. [pets BMO, making it smile] It was just make-believe, anyways.
O-ho-ho, was it? Then how do you explain tomorrow's newspaper?
[Jake is holding up newspaper with the headlines "Tomorrow's newspaper. JAKE JR. REAL COOL KID!"]
[meets Ann at the pharmacy] I'm Finn. [holds Jake as a police badge] This is my partner, Jake.
Hello, citizen. Had anyone in here looking to buy some mini adhesive bandages today?
A lot of people come through my store, gentlemen. You can't seriously think I'd be able to remember any one particular customer among the countless others I see on a daily basis now, can you?
[long beat] I guess not. Fair do's. C'mon, Jake—
Wait! Now that you mention it, there was this one guy in here earlier. Real suspicious type. Had a nosebleed. Said it was the first one he'd had in years. [Finn takes out a notepad and writes down] Used to get them all the time as a kid, he said. [Jake slaps notepad away, jumps onto Finn's hand as a notepad] Could never remember if he was supposed to pinch his nose and hold his head back, [Finn tries to put his pencil on Jake but keeps the point away from him] or pinch his nose and hold his head forward. [Finn finally pokes Jake's body] Maybe it was a case of being boxed on the nose too many times—made the blood vessels in his lower septum weak and vulnerable to hemorrhaging. Anyway, his mammy always said it was because he couldn't keep all those picky little fingers out of his dirty little nose holes. [Jake climbs on top of Finn's head, morphs into a police hat] He didn't buy it, though. He always thought it had—
Ma'am, can you give us a name?
Mmmm... nope. No, wait—yes, I can. Pete Sassafrass.
[Finn and Jake look at each other, surprised. A transparent LSP flies across the screen from earlier saying, "Pete...sa...sass...as..."]
Did you catch which way he was going?
Of course! He said he was catching a train at 11:27, Candy Kingdom station, Platform 5. Heh. I'm sorry, I wish I could remember more.
Man, we didn't just crack that case... [throws donuts bags to Jake as a police car] we crunched it. Crumbled it.
We are awesome at being cops. [munches donut] There's no question about that.
Ahh, call me crazy, but I was thinking... maybe we should actually become detectives, like... as a job! When we were out on the streets back there, getting those leads, busting that perp, it just felt so... I don't know... right. [Jake's head forms up underneath Finn's coffee cup]
I know, man. [eats donut] I actually totally do know exactly what you mean. [Finn takes a yellow donut out of his bag and munches it]
Ah— dude. [show Finn sitting on the street with Jake in his hands]
I told you, I have a problem. [turns back, sweating] I can't stop!
I got traumatised by those underpanties. This sucks.
[on tape recorder] "No way! I'm no rat! I am bound by the sacred trust of esoteric knowledge!"
"Say the password, Ice King!"
"You think I'll just hand you the keys to the city? I'd rather DIE."
"Say the password."
"OW!! MY PINKY!! Ow.. Thank you. You know, no one has touched me in months. Could you touch me again?"
"PASSWORD!! NOW!!! "
"AHH!! OH OWW~!!! WIZARDS RULE!! THE PASSWORD IS "WIZARDS RULE!"
You were a little rough with the Jake suit today, bro. You mashed up my doggy bag pretty hard.
Why didn't you stop me?
When you're in my body, it pushes out my brain, so I have no control.
Come on, bro, taking pain is easy. You just have to imagine that every bruise is a hickey from the universe. And everyone wants to get with the universe.
I bet you wouldn't be saying that nonsense if I wore you as a suit.
I bet I would be saying that nonsense.
Okay, bro, let's see how you like it. I'll bring the pain!
Do it, bro! Get in here!
[Lady Rainicorn is washing dishes when she sees Finn out the window and gasps]
Hi, Lady. [walks around, kicks front door open]
[in Korean] ("Finn! Where are you going? Where is Jake?") [Jake stretches out of Finn's mouth]
I'm right here.
Oh... [T.V. walks by holding a bowl of nachos]
'Sup?
What's T.V. doing here? I thought all the kids found apartments.
("It's just that he won't leave the house, regardless what I say to him.") [T.V. starts typing on his computer]
Ha-ha! That's my boy. Momma's basement baby. [sighs. He makes Finn sit down on bean bag chair]
("Jake, what are you doing? Why are you in Finn's body?")
Oh, it's this bet we're doing. It's not really a bet. It's more like a showdown. I'm trying to get him to admit that it's hard when someone wears you as a suit. How do I win the bet, Lady?
Hey, Dad? Why don't you try jumping in a volcano?
[distorted] Beemo? [see a distorting image of Finn and Jake]
Beemo? [BMO groans]
Beemo, are you okay?
What did you do?
It wasn't me. I didn't do [glitching] noth— do noth— do nothing.
Come on, Beemo. We gotta get you to the hospital or whatevs.
No, no. I am fine. Really. [BMO's screen glitches out and he yells in pain. He emits smoke and stops glitching] Oh, yes... okay. Please take me to get fixed. I need— need— need— need to get new core system drivers installed. We can get them at the MO Factory in the Bad Lands, where I was born.
The MO Factory?
Yeah. I am programmed with emergency instructions to get there. Come on! There's no—no—no—no—no time to lo—lo—lo—lo—lose.
Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in like three seconds. A Raggedy Princess can BE your new Hambo. She'd do it too. That girl has like, zero self-respect. Haha. That's mean. Don't tell her I said that.
..You killed him??
Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.
He's been with the witch this whole time! Maybe he can talk now!
Oh, man! Times! I call times! [encases himself in a larger version of his head, whimpers]
It's only okay if the person who's making the fun is someone that I'm [punches off nose] cool with.
We're totes cool! I-I-I'm Ice King!
[continues punching parts off] And they do it in a respectful and knowing way!
Respect? I got all kinds of respect! [she lands down]
Oh, yeah? [a moving snow bear approaches behind her] Then what's with that stupid, smirky face?
Smirk? Why, I smirk when I'm nervous.
Ugh, bear hug!! [crushes her]
WHAAAH!!! [cools down, Finn gasps]
And also when I'm about to win! [cackles] Boo-yah! And I didn't even get to test out my new fireproof grundies.
Put it away, man! You didn't win nothin'!
Jake! I had another dream! My body was being blasted! [inhales sharply] But this time, Ice King was blasting me with ice cubes! Ohh! It was awful! And someone else was there. He was just laughing and laughing. He was in the first dream too, but he was whispering. I couldn't make out what he was saying. [snaps finger] Oh, yeah! It was the Cosmic Owl! [Jake spits out all his tea off his mouth]
WHAT?!! You didn't tell me the Cosmic Owl was there!!
I couldn't see him last time!
Dude, that means it was a prophetic dream. You have to finish the original dream! Cosmic Owl could be whispering something wildly significant! You have to get Flame Princess and Ice King to fight again so you can see the end of the dream! Make 'em fight!! Ahh!! Do it now!!
[Finn runs frantically to the table and writes down a piece of paper]
"Dear Ice King, you smell like stink, you're unpleasant, you're not funny, you're old, blahblahblahblah, sincerely love, Flame Princess. P.S. Let us fight!!" HAHHHRR!! [writes another paper] "Dear Flame Princess, you're just the worst, your hair is bad, your feet smell like face cheeks, blahblahblah, let's meet up and fight, dummy, sincerely, Ice King." [checks both papers] Hm. Flame Princess fight Ice King.
[last lines]
You blew it, man!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Adventure Time pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
