Ahem! Anyone having any... [robotic voice] computer problems? [a laugh track plays out and stops in recorder he is holding]
How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo?!
[cackling] My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code!
STOP TALKING LIKE A NERD AND GIVE IT TO US STRAIGHT!!!
Once the glitch does its work, the whole world will be deleted except for me and my Bubblygums. [he moves to smooch Bubblegum; she keeps him away with a tree branch which she throws at his face] Ow!! [stammers] Well, see y'all! I'm gonna prepare for my... date. [teleports away. A glitched donut person runs out screaming]
DPDonut Person
Aaah!! My beautiful face! My hopes and dreams ruined! [screams distortedly, runs away]
Don't worry, Princess, we'll take care of this thing.
Oh, me too. [loads her candy tranquilizer gun] I'm gonna take care of it, too.
(At Ice King's castle, Bubblegum, consumed by anger, begins smashing his computer with a bat.)
STUPID...COMPUTER! (grunts) YOU... SASSAFRASSIN'...HAMMASLAMMIN'...WHAMMAJAMMIN' (delivers a battle cry as she bodyslams the destroyed computer.)
I mean, here you are chillin' with history's coolest friends building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulkin'. I'm like, what gives?
[sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day, and she didn't even laugh or anything. Guess it's over between us.
Maybe she just didn't get it yet.
Yeah right, Beemo. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes, probably. Man, having a girlfriend is hard.
No! Being crazy is hard. You're getting all hung up, [stretches his arm around his face] all hung up on imaginary problems. [opens arm as a miniature Jake in his head] You gotta focus on what's real, man. [grabs a cup] You see this cup? This is literally my favorite cup. [throws cup out the window] Now it's gone forever, so it's not real, and I don't care about it anymore.
[gasps] Oh no! My favorite window!
I don't even know what you guys are talking about. [picks up sword and cup] I think I just need some alone time. Gotta let my mind fester a bit, you know? [enters pillow fort] I'll be back in a little while.
Finn, festering's always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering!! FIIINN!!!
[lays down with its screen cracked] So... this is the pits. [a bubble pops out of a mug]
BBubble
I hear that, friend. Do you mind if I wallow with you for a bit? I'm a bubble.
Okay... nothing stopping a bubble.
BBubble
[sighs] That's what they say. Looks like you've given up on things. I'm thinking about giving up things myself. I've been lost in this wilderness a long time. Maybe you and me can wait here... to get eaten by a carnivore.
No, Bubble. [gets up] I know two heroes who can help you.
Yes. Help me get to my home and... and we will help you find your home.
BBubble
Your friends sound great!
BBubble
Well, then, what are we waiting for?
BBubble
Um, hey... so, BMO, since we have a little time, there is something I've been wanting to say.
BBubble
I know I might never find my real home.
[gasps] No, Bubble! That's not true!
BBubble
It is. I know it is. But it's... it's okay. Because I realized something. All this time we've been together, BMO, I haven't felt lost. I felt at home. [hear Jake yelling and crashing inside] And it's you, BMO, I feel at home with. [BMO gasps] So, I thought... I mean, if you feel the same way, I thought we could... get married. I-I mean... I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but—
BBubble
Oh! Wohohoho... whoo!
Hey, a bubble! [pops Bubble] Pop! [BMO gasps in shock; Jake giggles]
Bubble? Bubble?! [wails, plucks up grass; Finn comes over] No! No, no, no! My Bubble! No!! [falls on the grass]
Oh, it's just BMO. He's pretending to be all messed up 'cause his bubble got popped. [chuckles as BMO starts grieving on the grass]
Ohhh. [chuckles] That is pretty funny.
Oh, Bubble, I'm so sorry I brought you here! [sobbing]
BSBubble's Voice
[heard disembodiedly] "There, there, BMO. It's okay."
Bubble? Is that you? I hear you in my head, but I don't see you! [both Finn and Jake start snickering] Oh no, have I gone bananas?
BSBubble's Voice
"No, BMO, it's okay. You see, I'm finally free."
I don't understand, Bubble.
BSBubble's Voice
"No, not Bubble. Air. BMO, I'm Air! I've been trapped in that bubble for so long, I'd forgotten who I am. But now I'm finally home."
Yay! Oh, b-but wait! Now you don't need me... to feel... at home.
AAir
"No. See, that's what's so great. Now we can be together forever, BMO—every minute of every day. No more privacy, no more quiet, no more alone. Every room you ever go in, I'll already be there... waiting... forever and ever... until the end of time."
Oh, oh BMO, how'd you get so pregnant?
Who's the mother, oh who's the father?
Shh, I'll tell you if you keep it a secret
We will, we will, we will
All right, last night, an electric presence came into my room and said,
"BMO, I need your perfect body to host the human incarnation of a baby~!"
[Peppermint Butler and Braco proceed into her lab, where Bubblegum is seen sleeping with a pizza box on her head]
[wakes up] Hey, what? [takes pizza slice off her face] Pff... who's that?
BBraco
Son of Logan, who was begat by Hobus.
[writing notes down] Okay... yeah?
BBraco
I want to take you... on a date. [PB pauses for a beat]
Thank you, Braco. That's very sweet, but no.
Princess, this lab reeks like brown mist! It's unhealthy. You've got to get outside and do some research on boys!
That is way out of line, Peps, and you guys are donking up my research! [starts thrashing stuff off her desk] Hello!! Donk!! Donk!!
BBraco
Princess, I love you! I-I love you so much it hurts! The pain, it— Uhh... [PB walks to him and uses a laser pointer on his right eye]
Hmm. What you're feeling is called infatuation. The pain is the product of you overvaluing a projected, imaginary relationship with me.
BBraco
No, Princess! What I feel is real! Meet me in the garden tonight and unlock the mystery [runs to the balcony and jumps down] of me-e-e-e-e!!
BBraco
[lying on top of Mr. Cupcake] Come to me tonight!
[beat] Okay, Braco. But just for research, all right?
Good job, man! You take it from here!
What'd ya think of that Braco guy? I mean, he seems kinda weird, and passive, and baby lambish, [Jake gasps] and too unheroic for Peebs. [Jake panics, points Finn to see Braco behind him] And then I smashed that peach!
BBraco
[kneels down] Jake and Finn, I seek your aid. I need to ask you for that map, therewith I can bring the soul stone to Bubblegum, then she'll love me!
That road you're on leads to nowhere. [hands map to Braco]
BBraco
Oh! Oh! [runs off in the distance] Thank you!
Nah, BMO's covering for me.
FLFlying Lettuce Bros.
So what's the deal, Jake?
GGareth
Yeah, why'd you call us back?
I got a job for you guys. [everyone gathers to him] One last score—the big one.
GGareth
The Baker's Shard? [chuckles] Are you for real, man?
FLFlying Lettuce Bros.
Hey, that's crazy, Jake. [out of sync] We always said, "play it safe."
Can't you see, guys? He's desperate. Somebody got to him 'cause he's soft now.
What the— pshhh! Tiffany! I'm the same Jake! I just stopped stealing, mostly! Because when you get older, you're supposed to get in other stuff, like graphic design or pottery. It's called "growing up"!
GGareth
I don't wanna do poetry— I mean, pottery.
Dude! Are you guys on board or what?! You really got something better to do? Really?! I know you don't, Tiffany!
[roughly] Glom you, Jake.
FLFlying Lettuce Bros.
How are we gonna split the Baker's Shard?
We ain't keeping it. I'm passing the shard off to a mystery dude. [the FL Bros. and Gareth slowly become shocked]
The dude has my kid. [Tiffany immediately goes to a mix of surprise and empathy; he starts crying] My little Jake Jr. [coughs, clears throat]
FLFlying Lettuce Bros.
We're in.
I know that vault inside and out—every guard rotation, every camera, every hidden trap. And that safe is locked up so tight, it makes me wanna spit out my guts and cry about it. Do you even have a plan, Jake?!
I have the first part. Okay, let's freakin' do this!
