Jake the Dog quotes from Adventure Time

Finn

Why don't you just help me find my sock?

Jake

[sarcastically] Oh, Finn lost his sock! Everybody stop what you're doing and help Finn find his precious sock!

Show us now!

Show you what?

What you said!

We didn't say nothin'!

It's too late for take-backs! We practically know everything already! NOW SHOW US!!

Jake

[as a cape] Looks like a beach brawl

Finn

Looks like there trying to drown a barn

Jake

That's not abarn man[the white barn-like creature rises from the water] that's a dude

Finn

What's goin' on here, tough boy? What is that huge dude?

He's The Farm, the legendary fighter of the Shiney Isles. I came here to participate in his open challenge, but this mother can't be beat!

Give up, worms! My fight power is supreme! I'm too [punches water] freaking legendary for you!!

[chanting] Train! Train! Train! Train! Train!

Finn

Whoa! [see people cheering to an imposing figure on a cliff]

I love you, The Train!

You're almost as legendary as The Farm, The Train!

The Train is gonna smack you down on his tracks! Whoop! [jumps down into lake] Your caboose is mine! [runs toward The Farm] Choo-choo! Choo-choo!!

Finn

Oh, my Glob... [watches The Train running underneath The Farm]

Choooo! [gets crushed by The Farm] Ow! My legs are backwards! Oh! Why?! [The Farm kicks him ashore in front of Finn and Jake] Ohh, you're mean! [farts]

Finn

Did you just die?

No... The Train will chug on... My friend makes bionic legs. I'll be better than before.

Finn

[gasps] I want bionic legs! Who's your friend?

Yeah, right. It's secret! [begins dragging himself away] Ah! Don't follow me. [continues dragging] Oh! Train can do this. [drags out of scene]

Jake

You don't want bionic legs. It ain't natchy.

Finn

I don't care about natchy.

Jake

Let's discuss this later.

Jake

Hey, did you dream about Dream Warrior?

Finn

Yeah. What was he trying to tell us exactly?

Jake

I don't know, I didn't get it. But listen, man. I'm sorry I got mad at you. Who cares about my high score at "Kompy"? It ain't important.

Finn

No, man. It is important. Being the third best at something is math and deserves respect, not like I did to "Kompy". Anyway, I think we both got cranky after all that training.

Jake

Well, good thing we're rested, 'cause now we can beat this beast.

Finn

Yeah. [see groups of marauders cheering on the cliff] Oh, hey! Look!

Jake

The dudes came back to watch us fight!

Finn

A'ight. This is it. Let's use what we learned in training!

Jake

Uh... All we did was fight dirty with cheap— wait...

[flashback] My cars are che-e—che-e-eap.

Jake

Dream Warrior was telling us which cheap moves to use on The Farm! Headlights mean eyes!

Finn

Mud in the eyes!

Jake

Give-up-on-life pants!

Finn

[pants down] Pull down his pants like you did to moi!

Jake

Two golden apples!

Finn

Hm... I think I know what that means.

Jake

Well, sure, I can make a wild guess.

Finn

You ready, man?

Jake

Yeah, dude! [they bump fists; whispers] Put your pants on.

Finn

[deep voice] Okay.

Finn

What's going on with the costumes?

This is a theater troop, we're getting ready to perform for the king. Everyone in the kingdom shall be in attendance. Of course, you know all this being fellow actors from the exact same troop.

Jake

I have an idea. We'll go on stage, act like two conspirators. You'll have one shoe untied, I will talk with hiss voice. We'll talk about how we wanna kill the king. As we do this we'll study the faces of the audience and look for guilty reaction.

Finn

That's brilliant!

Jake

Thanks, it's an original idea. By me.

Here we are: the village of my people. It doesn't have an official name, but I call it "South Woobeewoo". [thunder rumbles] Uh, this way. [they walk over to a red mudscamp wearing a jingle bell on top of two mudscamps] This is the village elder. He'll fill you in on the deets.

Greeting, heroes. [squirts red sauce at Jake]

Jake

Blehh!! Ohh! Ughh!!

I'm so sorry about that. You know, we-we secrete stink-oil all day o-out our awful-sauce glands. You know, I guess I should have warned you. Anyway, let me cut the cheese.

[whispers] Cut to the chase.

Yes. You know, I mean, of course, cut to the chase. I mean, for many... for many moons now, our village has been under siege by the Mega Frog.

He's 100 stories of 110 percent 10-speed terror like bam—like fresh out the grease. I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home, trying to eat us alive. We-we've always managed to escape, but it's crazy scary. I mean, w-what if you got ate? Think about it. All alone in a stomach full of acid? [high voice] "Mommy! Mommy, mommy, help me!" [low voice] "Billy, is that you? Mommy, you sound exactly—" "Mommy, you sound exactly like me... Mommy, you sound exactly like me!" "Billy, uh..." [normal voice] Anyway... If this keeps up, we'll have to move to the city and get jobs. We don't know how-how to do anything cool. Look, see? The-they're already practicing, the poor fools. They don't know what they're in for.

Jake

Whoa! Relax, buddy! You're talkin' to the right couple of guys.

Finn

Yeah, man! Me and Jake will bust this Mega Frog up right up his bumblestop! [imitates bomb whistling, exploding]

That is excellent news. I mean, h-here, take this, please. [two mudscamps bring in a bag of lollipops] It's not much, b-but it's all we have. [Finn takes bag] It's... it's a bag of lollies.

Jake

That's nice! Thanks, man!

Now farewell, heroes. We're counting on you... for reals!

Ice King

Hey! What's goin' on here? Why's this place all crazy? I was just flying by and— [sees Gunther, gasps] GUNTHER!! YOU TOOK MY STUFF!!

Gunther

Wenk.

Ice King

That's bad! You know what you get now?!

Gunther

[sadly] Wenk...

Ice King

That's right, you get the squirty-squirts. [squirts spray bottle at Gunther] Bad! Bad! Now take off my demonic wishing eye.

Ice King

All right, Gunther, now go home.

Gunther

[walks off] Wenk.

Ice King

That's right, walk! And while you're walking home, you think about what you did! [sighs] It's getting worse and worse with him. He just— he hates it when I leave the castle. I'm sorry, guys.

Jake

Uh, dude, where have you been?!

Finn

Yeah, and why are you all jacked up?

Ice King

[chuckles] Well, I got into some crazy wiz-biz over at Wizard City. Honestly, I don't even know how I survived. Basically, it was the craziest showdown ever. I— [catches himself] I wish I could tell you all about it, but you know... "Wizards only, fools." Keep it tight.

Finn

Well, well, well. [watching Ice King from a distance] Looks like Ice King is up to bad biscuits, braddah.

Jake

Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro.

Finn

Ice King, you make our job too easy. You ready to roll on this fool?

Jake

Dinner rowh!

Jake

BILLY, WAKE UP!!!

Billy

What the heck are you guys doing in my crack!? It's 3 o'clock in the morning!!

Finn

Oh you know, just droppin' by to say hello, see what you been uhhhhhh... up to what uhh... How are these days..?

Jake

We came to see if you're dead.

Billy

What? Why would I be dead?

Finn

Hehe yeah.. stupid, umm... I had a dream about a bear and an old lady and a snail, and you were there and the snail killed you or something.

Billy

Was the Cosmic Owl there?

Finn

Uhh... yeah, on TV. Does that count?

Billy

Your dream is an ill omen of grave significance.

Billy

Finn?

Finn

Yeah?

Billy

Are you ready to come with me on a mission to save all life from the Lich?

Finn

...Yes.

Prismo

Did you guys see that? You know there was a ghost wearing a dead guy. That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen. N-n-n-n-nasty! Nasty jazz! Nas—

Jake

Hey, hey! Easy, buddy! That's our friend, Billy! He got possessed by the Lich!

Prismo

Oh, sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean nothin' by it! I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends, and my uncle was nasty. I'm basically honorary nasty.

Jake

[in Time Room] Finn? Finn! Hey, guy, where's my buddy?

Prismo

Oh, when he wished for the Lich to have never existed... [slurps cup] Finn left my Time Room and entered his wish-altered reality. We can watch him on my TV wall.

Jake

Whoa. Alternate-wish-world Finn is mad uglies. [sees Bartram] Dang, I'm mad uglies too! [Finn climbs up the ice] Everything looks nuts!

Prismo

Yes. Sometimes a well-intentioned wish can lead to... nuts. But, you know... you get a wish too.

Jake

What?!

Prismo

Yep, totally. [press button, mutes TV wall] You can have anything you want.

Jake

I wish for... a sandwich!

Prismo

A sandwich? You're gonna waste your one wish on a sandwich? You don't want anything else?

Jake

Nah, sandwich is good. Maybe about this big, or... this big. On ciabatta bread, maybe? Hmm, I don't know. Whatever you got around, your choice.

Prismo

Dude, I'll just make you a sandwich! You should use your wish on something important. [beat] You know... on someone who might need it? [looks at TV wall, Jake stares blankly] I'm talking about him over there.

Jake

Ohh...

The Lich

Ha ha ha... I wish, for the extinction of all life-efil- for Finn and Jake to go back home, to Ooo. [Realizes what he just said] Huh?! NO WAIT! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WISHED FOR!!

Prismo

Sorry, guy, you only get one wish. [The Lich and Prismo look towards Finn & Jake] Hey Jake, did you see that? Monkey's Paw. [Finn & Jake fade away]

UGH!! [Both of them hit the ground]

Finn

[Shocked] JAKE! WHAT THE... WHY DID THE LICH WISH... WHA?! JAKE?!

Jake

It worked! [Hugs Finn]

Finn

Jake, this is serious! Something really messed up is happening!

Jake

HA HA! It already happened, and it never happened!

[Horrified] WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!

Jake

Nothing, 'cause i saved everyone.

OhwhatagodboyamI!

Finn

Hey, Jake, do you think you should date someone just like you, or someone who's like... your opposite?

Jake

I don't know. I'm the "first come, first serve" kinda guy. Get in line, ladies! This Rainicorn thing can't last forever! [chuckles] I didn't mean that. Don't spread that around.

Finn

So it's not good to weigh someone's qualities against your own?

Jake

Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you feel something. It's not about personality matrixels and charts, it's all about the bu-bumps in your heart. You can't stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps!!