Zoey 101 · Season 4
[after Burvich sees that Michael and Logan used a fake Chase]
FAKE! He's a fake boy! I knew Chase Matthews left PCA. And let me tell you something, mister...you and Logan are getting...
OH, HA HA HA! [runs off]
You and Logan...ARE GETTING A NEW ROOMMATE!!!
(Coco is crying really loud and putting suitcases into the back of her car)
Um, Coco?
I can't go camping, leave me alone.
Okay, what do you mean you can't go camping?
What's the problem?
I thought Carl, my boyfriend, might be cheating on me.
(The kids all moan)
So I went to his house and I climbed up the tree in his front yard to wait for him to come home, right?
Right, makes sense, yea.
Then I thought he was gonna bring home another girl, which he did, but it was his mother.
Okay, well, that's good.
No, because the branch I was sitting on broke and I fell on her.
Oh my God!
Is she hurt?
I don't know, Carl says she has a fractured neck or something.
Okay, so then what happened?
He called me a lunatic, then broke up with me, so now I have to drive to Frezno and fix this.
(Coco continues crying and gets in the front seat of her car)
You can't just leave us here at PCA.
It's semester break!
(Coco starts driving away and crying)
Wait!
What are we supposed to do?
(Coco drives away and her suitcase falls out of the back of her car spilling underwear and ravioli all over the road.)
You both know why you're here? [neither Michael nor Logan talks] Well? You want to confess?
I'm sorry! My apple tasted funny so I just heaved it! I didn't know it was gonna hit that squirrel!
I have no idea what he's talking about.
This isn't about squirrels or fruit!
Hey guys, we got a problem.
What's wrong?
Michael just called me and said that he and Lo...Why is Quinn a clown?
I got bored!
So you're sure you were nowhere near the admin building last night between midnight and 1:00 a.m?
I'm sure. I was already in bed asleep by 10-
[yelling] WE'RE NOT IDIOTS!!!
I-I never called you an-
WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND 1:00 A.M.?!
Now you're scaring me!
'Scuse us! (drags Lola away)
She's a liar! That's a lying lunch lady!
[yelling at Shaymus] DID YOU SMASH THE TROPHY?!
I never smashed nothing, you little chicken!
LIAR!!!
We're sorry we bothered you!
[to Lola] I'm sorry SHE exists!
Okay, but hurry, because I bet the guys are freaking out.
I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Relax!
We're under dorm arrest! If my grandma hears my name in the same sentence with the word "arrest", that lady's gonna back up over me with her pick-up truck. And she's got big old tractor tires on that thing! How come you're so calm about this?
Because, I'm rich and innocent. I'm also great looking, but that's just gravy.
Awesome. So, I'll see you in class tomorrow.
I'll see you.
(James and Zoey stare passionately at one moment. Then they kiss for the first time)
Oh, my God.
(they kiss again)
(Logan is sending an angry voicemail to Dustin)
Listen to me, Dustin! I told you that I expect you to answer your cellphone when I call! I've been trying to reach you for over 10 minutes! And now, I'm late for ping pong! Okay! You've made a fool out of me for the last time! I don't care if you're 11, or 12, or however old you are! You're old enough to not be this much of an idiot!
[After Dustin plays Logan's voicemail for Zoey, James, and Michael]
Oh my God.
Who talks to a kid like that?
[angrily walks over to the closet and begins rummaging] Michael, where are your golf clubs? I'm gonna use a five iron on Logan's head! Here they are. [draws out a long golf club and begins walking towards the door, but James takes the club from her and Michael grabs her around the waist and lifts her up] Hey, put me down! [Michael sits her down on the couch beside him] Am I the only one who wants to do something about this?!
No, you're just the only one who wants to drive Logan's head 150 yards.
I want to get him!
We're gonna get him.
How?!
I think we just need to let Logan hear what he sounds like. [waves Dustin's cellphone with Logan's voicemail on it]
He won't care.
No way he'll care.
I bet he'll care if a lotta people hear what he sounds like. [connects Dustin's cellphone to the computer and begins uploading the voicemail online]
[while Logan's voicemail is being shown on PCA News]
I know it's not the place of a journalist to give his opinion, but in this case I must. Logan Reese, you are despicable! Jeremiah Trottman, PCA News. Courage!
Did you, or did you not leave that message on Dustin's voicemail?
Yeah, but I didn't want anybody else to hear it.
Everybody's heard it. Half of America has heard it. It's all over the web. You have brought disgrace to Pacific Coast Academy and-- What are you doing?
Just checking some sport scores. You should get one of these--
Stop speaking! You should never have left that voicemail, it was out of control.
OK, I get it. No more angry voicemails. Now can I please go work on my tan while the sun is still out?
You don't get it.
Get what?
I've had calls from the PCA Board of Directors, the Alumni Association, and I've heard from dozens of parents, all of them complained about that vicious voicemail you left Dustin. A lot of people want me to expel you.
Then why don't you tell them all, that my dad donates a million dollars a year to this school, which makes me untouchable.
Your daddy's money isn't going to help you this time.
Come on, you can't expel me.
I'm sending you to a 10 week class in anger management.
Why?!
Because you have an anger problem.
I do not! This whole thing is just stupid. I don't have an anger problem!
Logan, can you answer the question?
I don't know. I guess people get angry when, they don't get what they want.
That's part of it. Yes.
(addressing anger management class) I go to PCA, a boarding school not too far from here. And I left a voicemail for this kid, Dustin---
You're the jerk that left that voicemail?!
I heard that on the internet!
(Anger management class surrounds Logan and starts yelling at him)
(To Katie) Hey, can I borrow a pen?
(To Logan) DON'T HASSLE ME!!!
(Anger management class surrounds Logan and starts yelling at him once again)
Ha, hey! It's the angry young man!
Not funny, dude! I just spent two hours in a classroom full of freaks!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Zoey 101 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
