You Can't Do That on Television Season 5 quotes

Oh! Video games, video games! That's all you kids do nowadays. Sitting in front of that stupid screen!

It's not true Dad. Sometimes we go to the arcade.

You know what your trouble is?

Our trouble is you can't break 100,000.

Oh no. Your trouble is you've got no ambition.

You have no idea what it's like being a kid today!

Yeah, I mean the pressures are enormous.

In your day, it was easy. You had a choice of being a doctor, lawyer.

Yeah, now there's space exploration, computer science, hi-tech.

Recreology, oceanography.

Yeah well, you know I never really did think of it in exactly that way. I guess it is scary.

Oh it sure is.

Well I mean there's so many choices, there's so many new fields opening up.

Yeah.

By the way, are you two guys got any idea in what direction in what you're leaning profession wise?

I think I'd like to be a doctor.

I think I've decided to be a lawyer.

"The Mickey Mouse Club" will not be seen at this time. In its place, we present an even goofier show.

"The A-Team Wreck Disneyland" will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you this holiday special.

The scheduled football game between MIT and UCLA will not be seen at this time because "mitucla" is a dirty word in Urundi Burundi. In its place, we present the following from the school of hard knocks.

[putting a curse on Ross] Tongue of dog, wing of bat. Toe of frog, tail of rat. Sure as kids like a video arcade, it's gonna rain on your parade.

Did you go out trick-or-treating?

Actually, no, I just took my little sister around, but it's funny, I got more treats than she did!

Why, what were you wearing?

Well, nothing special, just my gray pants and...

Oh, well that explains it, then.

Explains what?

Well, you were probably the best imitation of an elephant they'd ever seen.

Oh, Christine?

Yes, Lisa?

Did you go out trick-or-treating?

Actually, no, I just stayed home and helped to hand out the treats.

I thought so.

What do you mean?

All night long I kept hearing about the "witch" on your street!

"Boy George Without Makeup" will not be shown at this time. In its place, we bring you something more even more frightening.

Ross, thank you very much for the Christmas bonuses.

It was nothing.

Almost!

"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Joins The A-Team" will not be shown at this time. In its place, we present another Christmas turkey.

Yeah, you know, I know what you mean. I was in this one store and there was a sign: "10 Santas, No Waiting."

I know what you mean, Christine. I was in this store and there was an express Santa for kids that wanted less than five presents.

Oh yeah? Was he busy?

No. Who wants less than five presents?

It's driving Dougie crazy. He can't find his Christmas presents anywhere.

Where did you hide them?

Oh, I found a place he hasn't looked in years. Under his bed.

Okay, it has 11 letters, it begins with S, and when--

Wait a minute, Alasdair. What are you doing?

I'm giving my report, sir.

Your assignment was to give me a review of A Christmas Carol.

Well, that's right, and "Silent Night"'s my favorite Christmas carol.

Not a Christmas carol, A Christmas Carol! By Charles Dickens!

I've never heard of him, sir, but maybe if you sung a couple of lines, it might come back to me.

Every Christmas Eve, it's the same thing, I can't put these things together!

I know, dear.

I'm a senator, I'm not an engineer.

Well, let me see that, Lance. [Lance hands over the instruction sheet.] Well, maybe you're having trouble, dear, because you're using the Japanese instructions.

Let me see that! [He grabs the sheet back.] I know.

Of course you did.

I just happen to like a challenge, okay?

You bet.

"To Tell The Truth" with guest host Richard Nixon will not be shown at this time. In its place, we present another show that defies credibility.

Alasdair, if you had to describe today's politicians in one word, what would it be?

How about "unethical"?

Close, but not quite.

How about "unscrupulous"?

Even worse.

Even worse... how about "slimy"?

I said "slimy", not "slime me", you idiot!