You Can't Do That on Television quotes

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Season 6
  Season 7  



Announcer: "Love Connection Short Circuits" will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring you the following heartbreaking show.

Announcer: Wild Wild Kingdom will not be seen at this time. In its place we present a program in which people act like animals.



Christine: Justin! You ate all the pancakes!
Justin: I was hungry. Next time don't get up so late.
Christine: "Next" time? What about this time?! I was all set to come in here and pour the syrup over a big stack of hot pancakes!
Justin: Well, find something else to pour your syrup over.
Christine: [Laughing] All right, I will.
[Christine pours the syrup over Justin's head.]
Marjorie: Justin, is that what they call "Sweet Revenge"?
Justin: [Tasting the syrup] Guess so.

Christine: Oh, Lisa?
Lisa: Yes, Moosie?
Christine: How did you learn to act? Did you take acting lessons, or did you just kind of watch other actors?
Lisa: I guess I learned by watching other actors.
Christine: That's what I thought. You know what they say, "Monkey see, monkey do."

Lisa: [grousing about having to go to the drive-in movie] Oh, I hate sitting in the car and getting bitten by bugs!
Alasdair: The food is terrible, and the video games at the snack bar are out of date!
Mom: Well, you'll have a nice time, children, really.
Lisa: Are we going to same old stupid drive-in on Highway 41? We're always the only car there!
Sen. Prevert: I'll tell you why we're going there - because that's where I asked your mother to marry me.
Lisa: Oh? Well, what was the movie?
Mom: Bride of Frankenstein.
Lisa: Sounds right to me.
Sen. Prevert: LIIIIISA! Don't encourage your mother!
Season 7 (1986)

Vanessa: Doug, what's the matter?
Doug: I'm doomed. No one on this show has been slimed yet, and I just know I'm going to be the one to get it.
Vanessa: Cheer up, Doug, you've got to think positive. Anyway, what makes you think you're the one who's going to be slimed?
Doug: You know, you're right, Vanessa. Why should I feel so down? I don't know what came over me!
[Doug is slimed]
Vanessa: Well, I guess sometimes you've just gotta go with your feelings!

[Christine is doing her screen test for You Can't Do That On Television - The Movie.]
Christine: [enthusiastically, with a big smile on her face] "Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television, The Movie. Don't ask me what it's about, because I..." excuse me, could we make a small line change here?
Director Frederico Panzarotti: No, no, Christine, it's gotta be done exactly as it's written.
Christine: No - it's just that...
Panzarotti: No, no, no, no - look, you wanna be in the movies?
Christine: Yes, of course I do.
Panzarotti: Then READ THE LINES!
Christine: [with much less enthusiasm] "Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television, The Movie. Don't ask me what it's about... because I don't know."
[Christine is slimed.]