You Can't Do That on Television Season 2 quotes

"The Muppets Get Stuffed" will not be seen at this time in order that we may give work to some human actors.

"The Dukes Of Hazzard Line Up For Gas" will not be seen at this time in order that we my bring you the following bucket of bolts.

So, come on down to Camp Fortune, because... (gets blank look on his face, and turns to Moose) ...because???

(still walking around the link set carrying her "On Strike" sign) Listen, I'm not gonna tell ya they have to answer the question, all right?

Oh yeah, and answer a simple question. ... What is it, Rod?

Well, the question is, "What is the name of our floor director"?

HEY! Hey, I know that one! Yeah, I know, I know!

No, wait a minute, you can't play, because you're on strike! Heh heh!

Aw...

Anyway, if you see our Mystery Skiier, all you have to do is come down to Camp Fortune, and find out what Ross's name is. (realizes what he has just said) Ross? ... Aww....

(smacks Kevin in the head with her sign) Youuuuuuu LUNKHEAD! Ugh! ... Well, what about the last thing?

(blankly) What last thing?

The Roving Camera! JEEZ!

Oh yeah, and that's where our Roving Camera will be, so come on down and tell a joke or give us your views on dating... (grins mischeviously) girls.

Oh, and boys! Don't forget boys!

Shut up, Moose, you're on strike!

"Captain Kangaroo Robs A Bank" will not be seen in order that we may bring you this low budget program.

"Jaws Meets The Love Boat" will not be seen in order that we may bring you the following tasty program.

"The Six Million Dollar Man Rusts To Bits" will not be shown at this time in order that we my bring you the following boring exercise program.

On water safety - the safest thing to do on this show is not to mention water.

See what I mean?

"Hit & Run On Sesame Street" will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring you the following road safety presentation.

Your safety council asks you to remember that before you go through a door, make sure it's open.

In my school, they have washrooms for boys, washrooms for girls, and washrooms for teachers. Now, what I want to know is, are teachers a different sex from everyone else?

They think with all these jokes about washrooms, I'm going to be dumb enough to mention water? Well, I'm NOT! ... Oh, no... I just did!

That's not fair!

Oh, yes it is. You guys wanted to do the links just like me! Well, that's what happens to me every week - sometimes TWICE.

Now that was truly not fair!

[Sees Christine standing above him on a ladder, holding a bucket of slime] What are you doing up there, Moose?

Well, I'm just standing here with this bucket full of coagulating green slime, waiting for you to say the magic words so I can dump it all over you.

What magic words?

The magic words, "I don't know"! ... Oops, I didn't say that, did I? Oh no...

That's not fair! I didn't - I - I - I...

"The Dukes Of Hazzard Dress Up In Drag" will not be seen in order that we may bring you the following program.

"Jaws Eats Jacques Cousteau" will not be shown at this time in order that we may bring the following special program devoted to bathroom humor.

So there it is, kids. The proof is evident, it's beyond question that a certain substance in tobacco smoke causes mice to develop cancer. Now what does this suggest?

Oh! Sir!

Schenk?

We should encourage mice to smoke, sir.