ChiefGumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's swarm of sorted sociopaths has struck again. This time, they convened a criminal conclave in Nairobi, Kenya. Nairobi has become one of Africa's leading international cities, and the gleaming Kenyatta Conference Center helped pave the way. Named for former president Jomo Kenyatta and opened in the early '70s, this 28-story building was home to the U.N.'s first African headquarters. These days, its fine facilities hosts a wide-range of conventions and conferences from around the world. And from the top-floor viewing deck, you can see the entire city of Nairobi stretched out before you. But today, meetings were abruptly adjourned when the Kenyatta Conference Center disappeared. Wonder Rat, Carmen's scruffy scheming scallywag, snatched the center then made a hasting retreat. He plans to use it as a centerpiece of his very own resort, Ratlantic City. Your mission, gumshoes: whisk that whiskered Wonder to jail, return the Kenyatta Conference Center to Nairobi, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
(to everyone in ACME Control Net, who are asleep, via noxious gas) C'mon, it's a big joke, right? HEY! Big jo--! (he then comes up with an idea) LUNCH!
(everyone wakes up and Greg laughs)
Hey, you guys! You guys! Hey! You guys! You guys! HEY!
(everyone stares at him)
(everyone angrily throws things at him as he exits)
Head for a national park with one of the world's biggest volcanoes. Native Americans called it Tahoma.
Aw, a huge volcano? Gee, Carmen, I hope you're not trying to get rid of me!
Relax. There hasn't been a major eruption for about 2,000 years. These days it's home to the largest single-peak glacial system in the U.S. outside of Alaska.
Tahoma, huh? I never heard of it.
That's because it was renamed by a British explorer. He called it Mount Rainier.
Hey. If he can rename it, then I can rename it. How about Mount Ratnier? (giggles)
(after Rockapella's parody of the Supremes' "Why Do Fools Fall in Love") Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! Along with Lisa Price! Give 'em a round of applause!
(after Rockapella chases Lisa before the Chase) Lisa Price, with Rockapella.
Darwin Research Station. (Shoeprints are revealed)
No. Thank you. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her team of twisted twerps have struck again. This time, they bullied their way to Binghamton, New York. Binghamton is the home of WSKG-TV, a member station of PBS. From its studios, WSKG serves 21 counties in New York and Pennsylvania. Other TV networks are owned by big corporations, but PBS is a joint venture of its 341 member stations. Local stations like WSKG produce both community, oriented, and national programs, and they raise a significant portion of their money through membership drive. SKG has been a PBS member since 1968. But now, Binghamton is PBS-less because Wonder Rat, that sniveling superhero wannabe, stole the station. He plans to turn it into RTV, Rat Television, 24 hours a day, written, directed, and starring himself. Gumshoes, there will be no more PBS in the 21 counties until the station is returned. You've got to round up that rat, free SKG, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.
MZMike Ziegler
Hey! When that rat stole the station, he stole me with it! He holds the station south, just across the Rio Grande. We're getting T.V. shows from a network called Televisa. It's huge! They've got 4 national channels, lots of original programming, and even some American T.V. shows dubbed with Spanish voices. I hope you get this tape, Gumshoes. Remember, (forms the ACME Triangle of Excellence with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage. Now, get me outta here!
Yeah! So, Carmen, this is great! I'll have my network goin' in no time.
ACME's on to you. Head for the home of Chennai Cheetah Studios.
Yeah, Yeah. Where Federico Fellini directed his movies. He could do my life story. We'll call it La Dolce Vita Rat On. That means this sweet ratlife.
I know what it means. Just lay low and stay away from the reconte vershoto.
Yeah, Yeah. I gotta watch my weight in these tight space. Maybe I could market a diet drink. Maybe?
(each time WSKG is revealed in the 2nd round)
Cool totebag!
Viewers like you-ooo!
Won't you be my neighbor?!
Pledge Drive!
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's ring of ruthless racketeers have struck again. This time, they struck in Southern California. The Colorado River Aqueduct is a man-made waterway. It runs from the Colorado River's Parker Dam on the Arizona border to Los Angeles, California, 235 miles away. It's a cheap source of water for 14 and a half million people in the Los Angeles area. If it weren't for aqueducts, the endless suburbs of L.A. would still be once were: a part desert. But now, these wanted waters roar no more. Vic the Slick, Carmen's showcase of bad taste, has corralled its currents. Armed with an atomic Shop-Vac, he sucked up the water and took it away. Your mission, gumshoes: cut Vic to the quick, return the river to its rightful bed, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
Vic, ACME's after you. Hide the river in a sea where you'll find the Greek Archipelago. It was home to Europe's first known great civilization.
Hey, Carmen, what makes 'em so great?
The Minoan culture on Crete goes back about 5,000 years. At a time when most Europeans were still living in the Stone Age, the Minoans were master artists and builders who used a decimal number system and created a form of writing.
Eh, that's pretty good, but no culture is truly great without polyester.
You're hopeless, Vic. Just get moving.
Ladies and gentlemen, Elliott has left the building.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's nest of nefarious ne'er-do-wells has struck again. This time, they scammed the sands from a beach in Brazil. For the residents of Rio de Janeiro, the beach is the place to see and be seen. (Rockapella sings "The Girl From Ipanema) And that song you're hearing, The Girl From Ipanema, made the beach in Rio's Ipanema neighborhood the most famous of all. Nestled between the Atlantic and a beautiful lagoon, you'll find white sands, wild waves, and beautiful people all surrounded by some of the highest priced real estate in South America. But now the girls of Ipanema have stopped walking because the beach is no more. Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's sweetfaced scoundrel, surfed in, scarfed up the sands, and sambaed away. Your mission, gumshoes: put Patty in the pin, return the beach to Ipanema, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
Patty, they're after you. Head for one of the states where Yellowstone National Park is found. Hide out in the Silent City of Rocks.
Gee, Carmen, it sounds kind of spooky.
Don't worry. It's just a granite formation. Pioneers in the 1800s thought the rocks look like a city. You can still see their names written on the granite, and legend says a bandit hid $90,000 in stolen gold nearby.
Wow! A bandit! I feel right at home. Has anyone ever found the gold?
Not yet. Bring a metal detector.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's mob of militant malefactors have marauded again. This time, they struck Istanbul, Turkey. Begun in the middle of the 15th century, Topkapi Palace was home to the ruling Sultans of the Ottoman Empire for almost four centuries. Today, Topkapi houses one of Turkey's finest museums. Amongst the riches displayed there is the turban of Suleiman the Magnificent, the Ottoman warrior, lawmaker, and statesman, whose picture can be seen in the U.S. Capitol Building. But now, Suleiman's topper has been taken. That flashy fleecer Vic the Slick, always on the lookout for an expensive-looking fashion accessory, crept in and cribbed it. Your mission, gumshoes: outslick the Vic, recapture the turban of Suleiman, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.
Vic, they're on to you. Head north of the Arctic Circle to Auyuittuq National Park. It's in a Canadian district.
G-G-Geez, Carmen, sounds a little c-c-cold.
A little cold? Auyuittuq is an Inuit word that means "the land that never melts". The ground freezes at 1,000 feet down. I hear there are no trees at all.
Sounds like I'll have the joint to myself.
Nope. It's home to the Inuit and Dene people. It was named for an Englishman who got lost there, looking for a passage from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
Lost, huh? Eh, couldn't I just go to Baltimore?
Sorry, bub. Get out your polyester earmuffs.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her troop of traitorous troglodytes have turned up again. This time, they struck in Stockholm, Sweden. Alfred Nobel was a Swede who made his fortune by inventing dynamite and other explosives. However, he was a pacifist and was bothered by the destructiveness of his invention. That's why he gave his money away to people's who work benefited mankind, so began the Nobel Prizes. Each year at Stockholm Concert Hall, the gold medals along with millions of dollars are awarded in the fields of physics, chemistry, medicine or physiology, literature, and economics. The Peace Prize is awarded in a separate ceremony in Oslo, Norway. Well, yesterday, the Peace was shattered when Vic the Slick stole into Stockholm and pilfered the Prizes. Theses medals of merit are hanging around his knavish neck as if they were just junk jewelry. Gumshoes, you must nick Vic the Slick, bring the Nobels back to Stockholm, and then manacle that maniacal mastermind Carmen Sandiego.
Carmen, babe, these prize medals look great on me. Real class.
Vic, you wouldn't know real class if it hit you in the face with a gym sock. Now, listen. Go to a money museum in a federal reserve bank.
It has all kinds of cash on display. Like some of the first coins ever minted, and a block of tea that was once used as currency. It's in a former capital of the Confederate States of America, and hide those medals, or ACME will be on you like that cheap suit.
Hey, I pay top dollar for this suit.
(Vic tells Josh to go to Europe; Josh is surprised to hear it)
You're kidding! What'd-- What did he say?!
JJosh
We're goin' to Europe!
Chief! We're goin' to Europe!
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's pack of pernicious pirates have struck again. This time, they pinched the Peruvian city of Machu Picchu. Hidden high in the Andes Mountains, the Machu Picchu ruins is one of the world's greatest archaeological treasures. Built by the Incas in the 1400s, it is often called The Lost City because it was abandoned and not rediscovered until this century. Why was it abandoned? No one knows. But now, The Lost City of the Incas is really lost. Eartha Brute, driving her customized Brute Haul Truck, four-wheeled up the Andes, packed up the Peruvian city, and drove it away. Your mission, gumshoes: unearth Eartha, return the missing Machu Picchu, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
Hey, Carmen, those Acme guys are closing in. Where should I stash Michi Pichi?
That's Machu Picchu, Eartha. Take it to a country where everyone celebrates the new year and their birthday on a holiday called Tet.
Yeah, but Moochoo Poochoo is pretty big. Where am I gonna hide it?
Earth to Eartha. It's Machu Picchu. Take it to Hanoi. It's the oldest capital in Southeast Asia. You can hide it in one of the city's 12 beautiful lakes.
EEarth
Are those lakes deep enough to hide Mongo Pongo?
MACHU PICCHU, BRUTEBRAIN, MACHU PICCHU! NOW GET OFF THE PHONE AND GO!
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's cartel of cruel crudballs have committed another crime. This time, they zapped Zimbabwe. In Zimbabwe, this bird is all over. It appears on the currency, flag, and coat of arms. Several ancient sculptures of the bird, carved out of green soapstone, stand in the museum near the ruins of the Shona Karanga city-state. This powerful kingdom flourished between the 13th and 15th centuries AD in the southeastern part of Zimbabwe. Its power faded but remnants remained: an acropolis, a temple with walls as high as 36 feet, and the Stone Birds. But this morning, Wonder Rat, that rodential robber, grabbed one of the bird by the beak and took off with it. He thinks it will make a cool action figure in his rat-mania roadshow. Gumshoes, your mission is to trap that wretched rat, bring Zimbabwe's beloved bird back home, and then bust up Carmen Sandiego's gang for good.
ACME's closing in on you. Bag the bird, then head for the capital of a southern state. It's where the civil rights movement got underway back in 1955. That's when Rosa Parks, an African American refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man.
Yeah. Yeah, I know the place. Uh, listen. Can I head for that lunch joint with a huge buffet of local homemade food?
You mean the Farmers Market Cafeteria.
Yeah. I'm thinkin' the customers might wanna see my rat-o-mania road show.
The customers might want to see you in jail, rat-face. Keep your tail out of sight.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's troop of tricky transgressors has struck again. This time, they pilfered a peak between Nepal and Tibet. The Himalayan Mountains are home to nine of the world's ten tallest peaks, and the highest of them all is Mount Everest. Named after British surveyor Sir George Everest, this mountain's 29,028-foot height is the ultimate challenge for climbers. Recorded attempts to reach the top of Mount Everest began in 1921, but it wasn't done until 1953 by Sir Edmund Hillary, an Englishman who was once a beekeeper, and Tenzing Norgay of the Sherpas, a people native to the Himalaya. But now, the sight of this towering peak is a gaping crater. Kneemoi, Carmen's space-trucking troublemaker, has stolen Mount Everest. She says her planet Roddenberry needs a ski resort. Your mission, gumshoes: evict Kneemoi from Everest, return the peak to its place, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.
Chief
(after Kneemoi's profile) She's an extra sneaky, extra crafty, extra extraterrestrial.
Okay, Gumshoes. For our next clue, we turn to ACME Celeb Net agent LeVar Burton. LeVar, what's the latest?
LLeVar
Greg, I've tracked some tricky aliens around the galaxy, but no one as slippery as Kneemoi. She has stashed Mt. Everest in a trench. Not a land trench. This one's on the ocean. Located in the North Pacific, it forms one of the deepest parts of any ocean on earth. It's about 7 miles down, so if Kneemoi put Everest on the bottom, its peak would be about a mile and a half below the water's surface. Wow, that's what I call being in over your head. Go get 'em.
'Kay, thanks a lot, LeVar.
Head for a town on the California coast. It was a setting for John Steinbeck's great novel Cannery Row.
Canary Row? He wrote about little birds in cages?
Not canaries. Canneries! Factories where they put fish into cans. Steinbeck wrote about the poor homeless men who worked in them, but the place has changed a lot. The canneries are gone and some of the most expensive real estate on earth is nearby.
Oh. Just one more question.
How did the fish breathe inside those little cans?
(Carmen sighs)
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her gang of vino vipers have vandalized again. This time, they did the deed on the island of Phuket in Thailand. Around 1785, the governor of Thalang, Phuket's administrative center, died. So the king of Burma thought, "Hey, good time for me to invade." His army tried to take Phuket, but they ran into two obstacles: the governor's widow, Khun Ying Chan and her sister, Kung Ying Muk. The two rallied the townspeople and forced the Burmese army to retreat. Thailand's king was so grateful that he had these two bronze statue of the sisters erected. They guarded Phuket until today when Patty Larceny, that greedy goody-goody, snuck onto the island and grabbed the girls swords and all. Your mission, gumshoes: lock up Larceny, send the statues back to Thailand, and then catch that crazed crime creator Carmen Sandiego.
I just adore these sisters. They're pretty, but they're dangerous. Just like me!
But always remember, dear, they are good guys, and you're a bad guy. Now, listen. Sail off the Río de la Plata to the capital of Uruguay. Hide the Heroines behind the Gaucho statue. It's a bronze monument to these hard riding horsemen.
I know what Gauchos are. They're cowboys.
That's right, Patty, dear. Now, quit showing off and shove off.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's failance of felonious flimflammers has struck again. This time, They've pinched a plane in Vietnam. Ho Chi Minh City, still widely known by its former name Saigon, is home to Vietnam's Military Museum. The museum is a tribute to victory after a long history of occupation. This Southeast Asian country outlasted four major military powers: China, Japan, France, and the U.S.A., finally unifying in 1976 when the last Americans left. One of the Military Museum's proudest showpieces is a captured F-5 Freedom Fighter Jet, complete with a loaded 20-millimeter nose gun. Well, the gun is gone, guys, and so is the plane. It's attached to Robocrook. Carmen's mechanical marauder crept into the cockpit, revved the engines, and took off. Your mission, gumshoes: deplane Robocrook, return the jet to Ho Chi Minh City, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
Chief, what's with the fruit here?
Chief
Greg, is this one of your practical jokes?
No, Chief! No way! You made me promise, no more practical jokes after that disaster with the hair dryer and the 9 ferrets.
Chief
Ooh! Then it must be Carmen Sandiego who's behind this! (laughs like a maniac) Well! If this is the way she wants it, I'm going to fight fire with fire!
Robo, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for an African capital located on a large river called the Zaire.
Affirmative. It's in a country that's also called Zaire. Was the river named after the country?
No, it's the other way around. Zaire is the Portuguese version of a Kikongo word that means large river.
So, the country called Large River is on a large river that's called Large River? That is very logical. What is the meaning of Kikongo?
It's one of the national languages spoken in Zaire, but the official language is French because it was once a Belgian colony.
Orders received. I'm on my way.
(each time the Freedom Fighter Jet is revealed in the 2nd round)
Filched Fighter!
$10 headsets!
Off we go into the wild blue yonder! ("The U.S. Air Force")
Leavin' on a Jet Plane! (John Denver song)
Be all that you can be! (Army jingle)
(Robo is revealed, to Greg's surprise)
WHOA!!! WHOA!!! Oh, my goodness!
(singing) Robocrook! YOU'VE WON!! (sings their fanfare)
(Ricky goes to the chain, when the confetti is ready to fall)
(races to Ricky, pushing him back to his podium) Wait! Wait! (laughs) Go back and... some of this! (Ricky finishes getting confetti) There you go. Now come over here. (he and Ricky walk up to the chain)
Chief
This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: We're on the case like fleas on Lassie, with better ratings than Degrassi.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's ring of rabble-rousing rapscallions has struck again. This time, they burgled bones from the National Museum of Ethiopia in Addis Ababa. In 1974, paleoanthropologists digging in Ethiopia uncovered uncovered the oldest and most complete skeleton of an early human. It was a female about three and a half feet tall and 25 years old if you don't count the 3 million years she's been dead. Her discoverer has called her Lucy because they we're listening to the Beatles song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" when they found her. But now, Lucy's skeleton hangs in Top Grunge's closet. That skid marked scallywag cycled onto the site, disguised Lucy as a biker, then drove her away. Your mission, gumshoes: fracture Top Grunge's evil plans, bring back Lucy's bones, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
(Rockapella parodies the "I Love Lucy" theme song)
Grunge loves Lucy, and there they went.
Dinosaur National Monument.
That's where the creep took the skelly-ton.
He's such a VILE, nasty smelly-ton.
He wants to take her to ski at Vale.
Toss that big, wheezing crook in jail.
Check Pueblo out for the Grunge path!
And please...
Oh, won't you please?
Oh, won't you give...
Oh, won't you please give ol' Lucy a great, big, beautiful sponge...
Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen, if you will, please!
DMDennis Miller
Hello. Greg, Dennis Miller. Look, I've got a little message for you and your puttyboots, pal.
DDennis
I don't care if their horseshoes, cha-cha. Okay? Listen. There's a pan-global kleptomaniac in a slouch hat running around out there, and it's time you did something about it. I know trilobytes who are closer to... catching Carmen Sandiego than you. You're lurals are creasing, Greggo. It's time to stop resting on them, pal. (hangs up)
Nice guy. Dennis Miller, my good buddy. (hangs up the phone)
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her flock of fleecing flunkies have done it again. This time, they put the whammy on Wiltshire, England. Around 4,000 years ago, ancient people built the circle of huge slabs called Stonehenge. No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but at certain times of the year, the position of the stones line up with the rising and the setting of the sun and the moon. So Stonehenge may have been an astronomical calendar or maybe an ancient observatory. But today, it fell into the metallic mist of Robocrook. He stole every pebble of the monument and stomped off across Salisbury Plain. Gumshoes, you've got to bring in Robocrook, bring back Stonehenge, and then bring an end to the career of Carmen Sandiego.
Chief
(on phone) Greg, please come into my office.
Yes, ma'mm. I'll be right there. (her phone starts ringing) You guys stay here. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna check with her. I gotta catch the phone. (enters the office where he discovers that she is missing) Yeah, Chief? Chief! Well, the Chief isn't here, but I better answer this phone. (clears throat and picks it up) ACME Crime Net!
Chief
This is your Chief.
Oh, hi, Chief! Where are ya now?
Chief
I am unavailable, due to classified business. I have left these taped voicemail instructions. Please dial 1 to continue.
Voicemail! I love voicemail. All right. (he dials 1, then looks at the Chief's papers) What's this?
Chief
Please do not touch my papers! Listen up!
(puts down the Chief's papers) Yeah.
Chief
1st question: How close are you to catching Carmen Sandiego?
Dial 1 for: We got her,
2 for: We're extremely close,
or 3 for: As usual, she's evaded us 3 times, and we look like dopes.
Oh, I guess that would be 3. (he dials 3)
Chief
Well, I'm not surprised. 2nd question: How should we encourage the Gumshoes to work harder?
Dial 1 for: Threaten to fire them,
2 for: Poke them with sticks,
or 3 for: Offer the one who catches her a free trip anywhere in North America.
(applause)
Hmm... Ah! That's a tough choice. I'm gonna go with 3. (he dials 3 again)
Chief
Thank you. Inform the Gumshoes. 3rd question: How should I terminate our discussion?
Dial 1 for: Tell you you're a great guy,
2 for: Offer you a raise and a big office,
or 3 for: Set you up with my gorgeous cousin, Gladys.
Ooh! Uh, I'm gonna go, uh, 3-amundo! (he dials 3 again)
Chief
I thought you'd choose that one. Greg, go away. (disappointed, Greg hangs up)
You know, I don't need her. I'll dial Information. I'll get Gladys' number myself. That's no problem. (he dials Information and picks up the receiver)
NVNasally Voice
(on phone) Hello. Information.
Uh, yeah. Calling for Gladys.
The Chief's gorgeous cousin.
VVoice
Go away. (the phone clicks, and Greg hangs up and exits the office)
NOTE: This episode contains two Gregs. Greg Lee, the host, and Greg Spatz, the Gumshoe. The lines will be revealed as "Greg" for Greg Lee, and "Greg S." for Greg Spatz.
Chief
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's throng of thorny thugs has speed again. This time, the wrangled a raveled road in San Francisco. The Guinness Book of World Records says that San Francisco's Lombard Street is the crookedest street in the world. The Lombard Street S-curves were built on San Francisco's Russian Hills in the 1920s. Back then, the switchbacks allowed cars and horse-drawn carriages to safely get down the treacherous slope. These days, Lombard's a big tourist attraction and the view from the top is quite a thrill. But now, this crooked street has been crooked. Vic the Slick, driving a souped up street sweeper, swept it up and swiped it. Your mission, gumshoes: outtrick Vic, return Lombard Street to San Francisco, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
(hears pounding coming from the alley) Wait a minute, something's goin' on in here. Let's, uh, go find out what it is. I'm not sure exactly. (enters the alley) Hey!
WHAT'S THE WORD ON THE STREET!?!?!
(stops pounding) Hey, man, you don't hafta yell. Greg, the Word on the Street is "industria". That means "industry" in Spanish. Now, industry's growin' really fast in Mexico, and Vic's in a city where about a quarter of all of Mexico's factories are located and they get their power through big natural gas pipeline that runs into the city from nearby Texas. (he and the rest of Rockapella resume pounding)
I just, uh-- I just wanted to say thank you,... because courtesy still counts around here, Mister.
Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? · 274 quotes