You know what I can go for right now?
I felt you, dawg. (Beck smiles)
Tacos. Those sound really good right now.
(while ripping paper) I'm down for tacos.
Robbie(nervously) Yeah. I love tacos.
(about Cat) Look who's being real quiet.
I'm just not that hungry right now.
Yeah, why don't you tell everyone the truth?
(goes to Cat) Our pristine little friend Cat has never had a taco.
I'm not that pristine. (pause) Wait, what's pristine mean?
(to Cat) Are you a vegan?
Robbie
It's a person who doesn't eat meat.
Robbie
Shhh.
C'mon, Cat, tell us. Have you ever had a crispy corn shell, filled with meat... lettuce... shredded cheese... (Jade glares at Cat)
(Tori comes over)
What are you gonna do if I don't?
Well, I might just go online, to the Slap, and unfriend you. (Cat gasps)
Two clicks. One to unfriend you, and one to confirm that I really wanna unfriend you. (Jade glares at Tori)
Hey, c'mon, y'all, how we gonna get some tacos?
I could call Trina, ask her to pick some up and leave them in my locker.
Robbie
(crying) You're so conceited, Tori! You're so conceited!
(the group is avoiding Mr. Dickers in the hall when they run into some wet floor signs)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! The floor's wet.
We can't run across that, it's too dangerous!
Way to go, Tori. You just had to have your taco!
Robbie
We're dead...
No...just me. (stuffs the bag of tacos in Robbie's pants) You guys get back to the library.
I'm gonna get Dickers' attention.
(singing loud and off key while running and ripping posters) HERE I AM, ONCE AGAIN... FEELING LOST... (The screen cuts to Dickers turning suspicious and heading in the direction of the singing) YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR DREAM IN ACTION, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FADE YOU'LL BE THE MAIN ATTRACTION... IN MY VICTORY, JUST REMEMBER ME, WHEN I MAKE IT SHINE-(bumps into Dickers)
Oh, ho ho. I'm gonna make it shine. I'm gonna make it shine REAL good!
Aaaaaahhhh, you're in big trouble, Vega.
For leaving the library, skinny jeans! And singing off-key! Come on. (pulls Tori by the arm)
I was running and singing at the same time, that's-that's really hard!
Are we gonna be just like our parents?
When you get old, your butt sags.
And you can't find your pants.
Sometimes, I feel so much pressure, y'know, with my music. My cousin J.J., he's always telling me, "You know, you gotta be the best. You gotta be number one! Number one!!!" And I wanna tell him "Hey, man, get off my chizz!" But he drives me to school, and I don't wanna blow my ride.
(raises hand) I have a weird talent.
Robbie
(crying) You're so conceited, Tori! You're so conceited!
Yeah, let's see it. (everybody joins in)
Okay. Okay. I'll show you. (Tori starts pulling out her socks ) Can't believe I'm doing this.
(Tori gets a bow and arrow and uses it with her own feet and the arrow hits a poster. All of them start talking in amazement)
(sarcastically) That was amazing! You learn that from your daddy? Your daddy know how to shoot a bow and arrow with his foot?
(after a pause) I'm sorry, did I miss something?
Go on. Shoot another arrow.
Oh, c'mon, show us what your daddy taught you about foot archery.
BECAUSE MY DAD CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIS FEET!
STOP IT!!! As teenagers, we are all under too much pressure!!!
(after a brief pause, everybody starts laughing)
(as Robbie starts to tackle Tori) Robbie!
(while everybody is laughing, Robbie blows raspberries on Tori's stomach)
(reading the tracking number) Here it is, tracking number. A, K, 4, 5, 5, H, J, 1, 4, 7, 7, H, Y, 7, F, L, 4... (later) 6, Q, L, 4, K, 3, 2, A, M, T, Y... (later) K, L, 5, 4, 9, B, D, 6.
Shush, they're about to tell me where my package is!
RReceptionist
Your package was delivered at...8:21 PM.
Robbie
It's 8:21 right now.
Oh. (runs to the door) I don't see the-(gets hit by the package and falls to the floor)
(When Tori is practicing her audition as Sikowitz, Andre and Robbie watch her, Jade suddenly enters with a big boombox.)
Robbie
Darn it, oh! (Robbie and Andre stand up as Jade plays the boombox. A song similar to MC Hammer's starts to play and both Robbie and Andre start dancing like MC Hammer.)
Robbie
DON'T LOOK AT IT! (Robbie and Andre continue dancing)
Robbie
What up, girlfriend?
Stop pretending we're a couple! The game show is over. [squeezes Robbie's mouth]
Robbie
Amhh, I don't think you should be getting snippy with your pretend boyfriend who fixed your PearPhone.
Robbie
Yep, your mobile phone is once again mobile.
What... what... what is this?
Robbie
Car batteries, from a Volvo.
So I'm supposed to walk around with these giant car batteries to power my phone?
Robbie
Or you can just buy a new GX and replace that one.
No, if I buy another GX I guarantee you the new XT will come out like the next day and then I'll be the pre-turd with the stupid GX while everybody else has the cool new XT.
Robbie
(touches her shoulder) Take it easy, baby.
Oh! Great, it's-it's you guys!
See? They're all here. I told you, they'd all be here.
Listen, I am sorry that we didn't invite you guys to play, but, uh-
Tell her why you didn't invite us to play.
Well...cause...we were...planning your surprise party...?
Alright! We didn't invite you guys to play because you two are always screaming at each other, and it makes everybody feel awkward, it makes Cat faint, and sometimes it makes Robbie cry!
Robbie
One time! I cried one time!
Robbie
Six times!
See?! We fight so much, even our friends don't want us around!
Tori's not my friend, I only tolerate Robbie, no one likes Trina, and Cat's basically a pet.
Are you guys gonna let her say that nobody likes me?! (Beck and Jade both turn to Tori then back)
So...why don't you guys play cards with us. (touches Jade's arm then walks to the table)
Look, I-I don't want to be your boyfriend if we're just gonna fight all the time.
No, I-I didn't say that. I'm just saying...
You guys might break up? Because I'm not dating anyone, and I always thought Beck and I would make the perfect- (Jade throws a pillow at her, and she stands shocked)
Next time it's a hammer! C'mon, Beck, take me to get some food.
Ok. I'm gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna count to ten.
Don't forget three. (everyone looks at her) Some people forget it.
If I get to 10 and you're not out there, I'm going home… and we're over. [Jade goes outside] 1!
(while touching Beck seductively) I would never fight with you.
2… 3… [Cat claps] 4… [Beck heads to the door] 5… [Trina follows Beck to stop him] 6… [Trina jumps on Beck and pins him down]
TRINA! [Tori, André, Robbie and Cat go to Trina]
Get OFF! NO!(André and Robbie pull Trina off of Beck)
I'm a really fun girl... (Robbie pins Trina)
(to Trina) No! You're not!
(while holding Beck's leg) ...And so good looking!
Stop! What are you doing?! Stop! (Beck stands up and goes to the door)
7… (Beck holds the doorknob and stops) 8… (Beck looks at Trina, who is pointing at herself and winking) 9… (André, Cat and Tori glare at one another) 10! (Jade stops while Beck is still inside, holding the doorknob. Jade goes to the door, but steps back and leaves. Inside, Beck lets go of the doorknob while he hears Jade's car leaving)
(sadly) Yeah, let's play… (everybody goes to the table to play cards)
Make sure you get all 52.
KK. 1, 2, (forgets three) 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11... (Trina sits beside Beck and lies her head on his shoulder)
(Tori has bought a new Pearphone GX. Suddenly, Trina walks in)
Hey. Look what I got, everyone. (shows her new Pearphone XT)
Robbie
The new Pearphone XT?!
Yep. (Tori, surprised, looks at the phone)
What? No, no, no, no, no..
Uh huh. They just hit the Pear Store this morning.
(also holding a Pearphone XT) I got one too.
B1Boy #1
(also holding Pearphone XT) Same here.
LLuther
(holding also a Pearphone XT and a sledgehammer) I got a blue one...... with unlimited texting.
(furiously) DOG JAM IT! (goes to the trash can) Buh-bye! (drops the phone in the trash can)
TRTalking Reggie
Buh-bye! :Tori: Ugh! (kicks the trash can and leaves) :Talking Reggie: EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!
(Jade attempts to put duct tape around the broken guitar. After doing so, Jade holds the guitar but it snaps again.)
Do you think my mom's boss will notice?
Robbie
(outside) Cat! Hey, Cat!
Yeah, so he can help us put up the guitar and fix the window.
Robbie can barely work his zipper on his own pants! (Cat giggles)
Robbie
(entering the room holding a bucket of materials) What's up, little pigeons? (Suddenly, Beck enters, also holding some materials, which leaves Jade surprised)
(to Cat) Why did you invite Beck?!
(to Robbie) You didn't tell me Jade was gonna be here?
Robbie
I didn't know!
(to Jade) I thought you had a date tonight.
It said so on your Slap page.
Why you stalking my Slap page?
Why is Robbie's zipper down? (Robbie notices and pulls it up)
Look, let's just get this stupid guitar fixed and hung back up there before Cat's mom's boss gets back.
We have to fix the window, too.
Robbie
Oooh! I'll find a window repair company using the new feature on my PearPhone. (his PearPhone dings) I need a window repair company in Beverly Hills.
PPearPhone
(ding) Checking for...adult diapers. (Cat, Jade and the puppy all look questioned)
Robbie
N-n-n-n-n-no, that was my last search.
(back at the mansion, Robbie and Jade fix the guitar while Beck and Cat talk to the window repair company worker)
Thanks for fixing the window.
Yeah. And we didn't even notice your lack of hair. (the worker leaves as Cat waves)
Guitar all good up there?
Robbie
Yep-per-die-doo.
Yeah! And look. You can't even see where it broke.
Robbie
Nope.
Yay! My mom's boss will never know anything bad happen!
Robbie
(picks up the skull) Whoa! Is this a real human skull?
Yeah. Give it, so I can put it back.
Robbie
No. I'm looking at it.
(gets the skull) Robbie, give it to me. (Jade and Robbie start to fight about the skull)
Robbie
Shut it.
Robbie
Just----
Robbie! We don't have time!
Robbie
Just---
Fine! (Jade drops the skull)
Robbie
(the skull falls on the glass table, breaking it. Cat gasps. At the same time, the guitar swings and destroys a lamp. Cat yelps and starts to cry)
Robbie
I heard a buzz.
Zip up your pants! (Robbie does so)
(clicks the buzzer) Hello?
GMr. Gibbons
Cat. It's Carl Gibbons. I forgot my key, would you buzz me in?
GMr. Gibbons
Could you buzz me in?
Um. Sure I could. Or maybe you could go to Europe for two weeks.
GMr. Gibbons
Cat, buzz me in.
(Cat does so) Kay-kay. (Cat sobs)
Robbie
It will be okay.
When he gets up here, we'll just explain that–
(an earthquake hits the mansion)
Robbie
What's happening?
[grabs Cat] OKAY, EVERYBODY DOWN!!! COVER YOUR HEADS!!!
Robbie
AAAHHH!!!!
(Beck covers Cat and himself, Robbie hides under a small table and Jade protects herself with a pillow while the dog barks loudly. The earthquake partially destroys the mansion. The scene cuts to Nozu where the earthquake also hits. Tori hides under the round table along with the other guests.)
Everybody get down! I don't have insurance!
HHope
Protect my birthday presents! Somebody protect my– (a giant sign falls on her head, knocking her out. The earthquake stops and everybody stares at a moaning Hope. Andre then smiles.)
(to Mr. Gibbons) I'm so sorry about your guitar, and your lamp, and your table...
GMr. Gibbons
(not even a tad bit angry) That's alright. It's not your fault.
(puts her hands on Cat's shoulders, looking at her in the eye) Cat, Mr. Gibbons isn't mad at us, because he knows the EARTHQUAKE caused this damage.
Yeah. We can only blame the earth.
Robbie
And its quaking!
Will you tell this punk-nut that you like me?
Trina... made chicken for me!
Don't you listen to her, she made a turkey! Why would you wanna date a Canadian that doesn't know one food bird from another?!
I have an idea. Um, how about the three of us eat the turkey together?
No. You pick him or you pick me!
Or maybe I'll pick you up and toss you right out that door!
(grabs him by the shirt) Oh, I would love to see you try!
Robbie
Trina? (he is seen at the door with flowers) Trina, I brought you these... (sniffs) Did someone microwave a turkey?
Who are those flowers for?
Robbie
They're for Trina.
Robbie
Well, I heard the boys in the locker room say that Beck asked you out so I thought I'd ask you, too. (Andre grabs a shovel and tries to hit Robbie, who screams and runs while Beck and Andre chase him)
Trina wants me, not you idiots! (the three boys start to fight. Andre lifts Robbie up and shakes him. Beck then punches Andre in the face)
Boys, don't fight over me! Boys, come on! (Andre punches Beck back. Beck goes to Trina and holds her as Robbie throws the flowers to Andre, who retaliates by throwing him in the ground and preparing to hit him with a kettle)
[tries to escape, but cannot because Beck holds her tight] Beck!
Don't go! [Andre repeatedly hits Robbie with the kettle] It's disgusting!
DAD, COME QUICK! THEY'RE KILLING EACH OTHER! [gets out of Beck's clutches, then runs into the garage, sobbing. The boys stop fighting and run behind the couch while laughing, implying that the whole thing was just a joke. Trina then pulls David out of the garage] And then Andre started hitting Robbie with a– [notices the boys are gone] Tea... kettle...
[notices the boys at the couch with puppets] What's going on?
We're doing a puppet show.
[in a British accent] I am the king.
Robbie
[in a high voice] I am the queen.
And I'm the little pussy cat. Mow.
But they were just...I swear I saw them in there, they were just... urgh!
Just... promise me when you go to college, it'll be some place far, far away. (leaves)
[in a British accent] Trina, did you learn your lesson?
Robbie
[in a high voice] About telling lies?
Meow! [he, Robbie and Beck joyfully jump on the couch in circles and leave the house]
Victorious · 532 quotes
