Robbie quotes from Victorious

Hey, Trina.

What?

You wanna know my 2 favorite things about you? (Trina slaps him)

Robbie

Trina!

You don't know what I was gonna say!

Shut it, puppet!

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Robbie

Okay, hold on. Hold on! There is another person that had a reason to get back at Trina.

Well, it's not me! All I wanna do is go play with Kiko!

Lane

Who else had a motive to get back at Trina?

Robbie

Cat.

(everyone looks at Cat)

Hi!

Cat?

Whatie?

Did you cut Trina's harness gimbel?

No, why would I want to hurt Trina?

Robbie

Cause of what happened between you two right before the play started.

Lane

Well, um...

Aw no, no! Now we gotta hear another version of the story from a unique point of view? (buries his head in a pillow on the couch and cries)

Robbie

Ok, um... it was an unusually windy day here in Los Angeles...

Get to the point.

Robbie

Ok, um... Tori had just accidentally whacked Sinjin in the jaw and right about then Cat was helping me with my costume and feeling my muscles when Trina walked by and said...

(during Robbie's flashback) Hey Robbie, why don't you come backstage with me and help me do my makeup... or whatever?

Robbie

You make me happy.

(to Trina) Why don't you just get outta here?

Why don't you?

Robbie

Ladies, come on now. Look, there's 1 of me, 2 of you... (puts his arm around both) ...And 7 swinging days of the week.

He even makes math hot.

Robbie's mine!

He loves me! (Trina hits her) Ow! You thwacked my head! She thwacked my head! I'll get you for that, Trina Vega! I'll get you good!

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(in Jade's flashback, to Jade after she has violently screamed at Trina and punched Sinjin) Why can't I be pretty like you?

(in Lane's office)

That's not even close to how it happened!

It's how I remember it.

Yeah, 'cause you're demented!

Oooohh, so you think I’m pretty and demented?

I never said you were pretty. And I never punched Sinjin.

But you admit you threatened Trina!

No!

Robbie

Wait, I did kinda hear you tell Trina you were gonna kill her. (Lane looks at Tori in concern)

So did I. But if you’re gonna try to kill me, too, then all I heard was pretty music. (Everyone looks at her) La la la la la...

(points to Robbie and Cat) 2 Witnesses.

Come on now, I know Tori and there's no way she'd ever-- (phone beeps) Aw, it's Kiko. Tori's guilty, I gotta go!

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(Scene of Robbie's bedroom)

Robbie

Now, listen. Don't you ever put me in a situation like that ever again!

Relax, Rob.

Robbie

You shouldn't have cut Trina's gimbal.

Trina shouldn't have whacked me in the face!

Robbie

Mischief is never the answer!

Never?

Robbie

Never. You're just lucky I protected you. And-- And if anyone ever finds out--

They won't!

Robbie

Good night. (Robbie turns off the light)

Nobody ever suspects the puppet!

Robbie

I thought you hated that word!

It's okay if I say it.

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Oh, come on, for his ten year teaching anniversary you guys don't think he deserves a better present than a one cup coffee maker?

They should have got him a pair of shoes. I'm tired of looking at that hippy's hairy feet.

Robbie

I think Sikowitz has cute feet.

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Robbie

Well, I'm awesome at song lyrics.

No, he's not. Run! Save yourselves!

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Where'd you get those standees of Cat?

Robbie

Well, I just...brought 'em from home.

Why do you have-

Robbie

I'm a tutor, and I don't like to talk about things I do at my house!

Sorry.

Robbie

Ok, remember everything we went over?

I think so.

Robbie

Good. Now if you can do this last exercise in under thirty seconds, you should be able to pass your exam, no prob.

Does Cat know you have these?

Robbie

No...and don't tell her!

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See? Not so easy to perform a scene when you have a bucket on your head, is it?

...No.

André

It's difficult...

Mm.. Yes. Well, class dismissed.

But we still have more time.

We do? How much?

Robbie

55 minutes.

Oh. Oh. Well, actually I do have something I need to discuss with...some of you. Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, please stay. The rest of you may wander the halls. (everyone leaves except them) Thanks for coming, enjoy your day, I'm here all week. Tip your nurses and clowns. (he shuts the door after they all have left)

Why did you make them leave?

I don't know... they never talk.

Yeah, they just sit there and... (makes a reaction) ...'React'.

So what do you want with us?

Who likes parades?

Robbie

Antonio Banderas.

Hillbillies.

No one.

Oh, c'mon, parades are fun.

One time my brother was in a parade, but he was inappropriate, so the parade people called the police, and now he's not allowed to be in parades. (pause) Or be near horses.

Play with the pretty keys.

Kay-kay. (takes the keys and plays with them)

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Okay (sigh)

André

Okay.

Robbie

Parade float.

André

Ideas.

What do we have so far?

Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'

What was wrong with my idea?

No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'

ARAndré and Robbie

Well...

Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?

(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?

We're performing in the Parade Parade.

I'll do it.

Trina...

No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.

Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--

ARAndre, Robbie and Cat

No!

Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?

EEveryone

No!

I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)

Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.

Robbie

I'll get you some ice.

Sit down!

I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?

Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?

So?

And you think you're doing that without me?

You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.

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(Beck and Andre are wearing their pajama costumes)

We don't wanna wear these.

Why don't you guys like your costumes?

(looks down at his costume in disbelief) W-why?

They're candy jammies, they go perfect with our cupcake theme.

Robbie

Yeah, they do. I think they're rad cool.

(sarcastic) Yeah, they look adorable.

You know, she wants us all to wear them.

(turns to Cat) I will pop your head like a zit.

(holds her hands to her head) Graphic.

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Man, nobody's going to drive though this neighborhood at night.

Robbie

Hey, Batman would.

[while his head moves angrily] Do you have Batman's phone number?

Robbie

No.

Then how we gonna call Batman?

Robbie

We're not.

I know we're not!

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Robbie

Ho ho ho! And...jingle bells. (Andre reaches for Robbie's chair.)

No no Andre, don't do it, don't-(he knocks the chair over and Robbie falls to the floor.) Ohhh, you did it.

I bet that jingled his bells.

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Mister Robbie Shapiro.

Robbie

Hey, Beck!

Let's talk Secret Santa.

Robbie

You're my Secret Santa?

Merry Christmas, Rob! (gestures behind him, and Christie comes out)

Robbie

You bought me a girl? (claps hands excitedly)

No, no. Remember you used to talk about that bully, the one that used to beat you up when you were seven?

Robbie

Yeah, Christie Vacaras. I hated that beefy little witch. Her and her mean face.

And you always say you'd kill for just one chance to tell her off?

Robbie

Yeah?

Robbie, Christie Vacaras.

Robbie

You found her? You're Christie?

CChristie

So, you want to tell me off?

Robbie

Well...I did. But now you're hot!

Maybe you kids should go to Jet Brew and talk things over.

Robbie

I'm not paying three dollars for a cup of coffee. (Beck rolls his eyes and gives Robbie some money) Ooh, this'll buy coffee and scanes.

(correcting Robbie) Scones.

Robbie

Maybe in Canada.

Merry Christmas, Rob!

(Robbie takes Christie's hand and walks away)

CChristie

Your hand is sweaty.

Robbie

I know.

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Well, this is a great way to spend a Saturday.

I have never had detention before.

Robbie

I'm kinda nervous.

(to Robbie) If you hadn't made us late for class, we wouldn't be here.

Robbie

I was choking on a pretzel.

Well, why do you always gotta be chokin' on somethin'?

(to Andre) Ah, give him a break.

Yeah, it's not Robbie's fault he has a petite throat.

Robbie

It's average.

"Ah"!

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Well, well. It's 7:06 here in Los Angeles. That means that in Australia, it's yesterday! (pause) Or tomorrow.

Robbie

Y'know, in Australia, when you flush the toilet, the water swirls backwards.

Put a sock in it, Afro! You clowns are gonna sit in here all day and think about why you're in detention. (Jade leans back and spits her gum in the air; Rex leans back and catches it in his mouth) Now, cellphones. Let's have 'em.

Why?

Because in detention, there are no phone calls.

What about texting?

No.

E-mail?

No!

Can we play Grumpy Gerbils?

I love Grumpy Gerbils.

Robbie

I can't get past Level 23.

ZIP IT, corn pie.

Can we have corn pie?

Shut up! (brief pause) PHONES! (the gang all put their phones in the box) Now... I'm gonna put your box of phones right here. (puts them on top of the bookshelf. Tori then raises her hand) What, "princess"?

I was just wondering what the plan is for lunch.

Well if you pre-turds get hungry, there's a big plate of tuna right here. (points to it)

Robbie

Um, technically, sir, if perishable foods aren't kept at either below 34 degrees or above 140 degrees-

Pipe down, side salad. Eat the tuna or starve. I could care less.

I think you mean you couldn't care less.

What's that?

You said you could care less.

Which implies that you do care, at least a little bit.

I don't.

Well, then you should have said, you couldn't care less.

Robbie

But you did not.

Hey, what about the guy who first landed on the moon? He said "One small step for man." I would've just said "Oh, my god, I'm on the moon." (Beck smiles)

Alright, not another word.

Word.

That's it, West, you just bought yourself another Saturday detention.

Did I get a good deal on it?

You just bought yourself another one. (Cat yelps and buries her head in her hood)

Okay, look, I'm sorry, I apologize.

That's 3. 3 Saturdays.

But she was apologizing.

Okay, Vega, now you got one.

Why?

Boom! Another one.

I don't want another one!

That's three. You want to to try for four?

I really don't.

That's 4! You want 5?

Yes.

Okay, Vega, you just got 5!

What?

(silently) Tori, stop.

Stop what? Jade said yes.

I guess he's afraid to give one to Robbie. (Robbie covers Rex's mouth as Mr. Dickers comes to him)

(to Rex) Oh, yeah? I got one for you, too, Fudge Sack. Anybody else? Huh? Anybody? (no one speaks) You mess with the cow... you get the udders. (Dickers leaves the library as the door closes)

FORGET YOU!!!