Trina quotes from Victorious

Trina

You know, for so many years I prayed every night to be hotter. (pauses; indicates the 107-degree heat in the RV)...THIS isn't what I meant!

Trina

[carrying the hamburger costume downstairs] How did Jade fit her boobs in this hamburger?

Trina

Okay, I can picture me, sitting on a pony, wearing a bright purple hat. I-I was wearing the purple hat, not-not the pony. Do they even make pony hats? Anyway, I was looking fabu!

Trina

Sorry. My butt's gotta breathe.

Trina

That is some juicy coughing and hacking.

Trina

(grabs Tori's face) You look bloated. Have you been eating a lot of salt?

Trina

GET THE DANG DOOR!

Tori

Bread mold

Bread mold

Tori

Furry

Furry

Tori

Mushy

Mushy

Tori

Next, the fish mold

Fish mold

Trina

[enters] I am so upset! You won't believe who I got partnered with for the big showcase.

Tori

Who?

Trina

Andre Harris, a 10th grader!

What's the big showcase?

Tori

It's a performance they put on at her school "every" year where they...

Trina

[cutting in] They invite agents and directors and producers and other super powerful people in show business and it's extremely important to me, which is why I am very upset, and [dramatically throws him out] goooooodbyeeeee.

Tori

Hey! Ian and I have a science project due tomorrow. I have to turn in my mold bush.

Trina

No Andrew is coming over and you've got to help us figure out what I'm going to be doing in the big showcase. I DEFINITELY want to sing, (sings off key) How was that?

Tori

Loud!

Trina

Awesome. (doorbell rings) He's here. (she walks to answer the door, Tori follows) STAY! (Trina answers the door) Come in!

Andre

Thanks.

Trina

Tori, that's Andrew

Andre

Andre.

Tori

Hey.

Andre

You go to Hollywood Arts, too?

Tori

Ohh no, I'm not a performer. Just my sister.

Trina

Yep, I've got the talent and she's got the strong teeth. You know, she's never had one cavity.

Tori

I try not to brag about it. (Andre walks to the piano)

Andre

Ooh, nice piano! (plays)

Tori

Oh, my god! You're fantastic!

Trina

He's okay. (Andre sniffs Tori's hand)

Tori

Fish mold. (Andre drops Tori's hand)

Tori

Your grandmother's coming to the big showcase?

Andre

Yeah its going to be the first time she's left the house in six years.

Tori

Why?

Andre

The woman is afraid of everything - people, umbrellas, Rabbis, bikinis, breakfast foods.

Tori

So if she saw a Rabbi in a bikini eating pancakes...

Andre

The woman would burst into flames.

Trina

(off screen) You guys, come on!

Tori

Back to rehearsal.

Andre

Lets go.

Trina

(in a light blue dress) So? What do you think? (turns around) Fabulous, right?

Tori

You really need to wear that just to rehearse?

Trina

A performer needs to feel the part to be the part!

Tori

I thought we talked about not tapping my nose anymore.

Trina

(laughs) Okay, we got the comedy stuff down, so let's start with my song.

Andre

And by your song, I'm guessing you mean the song that I wrote.

Trina

No one cares who wrote the song! (laughs) Now, go. (Andre plays first notes) SLOWER!

Trina

(off-key) You don't have to be afraid to put your dreams in action! You'll never gonna fade...

Tori

Trina?

Tori

I-I think Andre was right! You should let him play the song in a faster tempo!

Trina

No, it has to be a power ballad! So, all the important people can hear my range! And vocal clarity!

Tori

But, I just think -

Trina

No, just take it from "When I make it shine."

Trina

(off-key) When I make it shine! (holds note) Well?

Andre

Do you have any aspirin?

Just - just keep your mouth open!

Trina

(muffled) That is so not helping!

Lane

Here she is.

Trina!

David

What happened?!

Trina

Look at my tounge It's massive!

Tori

Oh, my god, it's huge!

Trina

Somebody do something!

Are you the school nurse?

Yeah. Does anybody know how this happened?

Tori

The chinese herb gargle!

Trina

You know, you're actually not terrible. You're really going to quit Hollywood Arts?

Tori

What do you think I should do?

Trina

I think you should come back.

Tori

Why?

Trina

So I won't be known at school as the girl with the lame, little sister who quit on her first day...and I think you were really good in the Big Showcase.

Tori

(Tori smiles) Thanks, Trina.

Trina

But I would have been amazing!

Trina

See, it's just a high school.

Tori

Uh, this is not just a high school. These kids are all artsy and creative and talented and I'm just... normal.

Trina

It's okay, there's nothing wrong with being average. Anyway, you're not alone. I got your back.

Tori

Okay, though...

Trina! Eric Paulson got his hair straightened!

Trina

Shut up! Oh my god!

Tori

I'm alone!

Tori

I wrote a song for you. I rehearsed it. With people! I performed it for you.

Trina

... Yeah, I think you were a little flat on that last chorus. [Tori grabs her by her shirt] Oh! Can't hit your sister during her birthweek.

Tori

I can't believe you're not deep enough to appreciate a gift that totally came from my heart.

Trina

A song is not a gift.

Tori

It IS too.

Trina

Can I wear a song? No. Can I eat a song? No. Can I flaunt a song and make people jealous? No, you failed.