So, the lowest level of the globe theater was reserved for "the groundlings" who were the lower class people who came out to enjoy...
(comes into Sikowitz's class) YOU GUYS! I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT MY MOM... SLAMMED MY HEAD IN THE CAR DOOR! (holds a round case with a red top on her hand, and breaks down crying. After a few seconds of silence, she stands on her knees and holds her hands out) April Fools! (laughs and stands up) Yeah!
What are you, five years old?
But... today's April Fools' Day!
RobbieWe really don't care.
April Fools' Day is kind of for, you know, little kids...
That's how we all feel. (he holds his hands out, and Beck and Robbie slap them in agreement)
But... this school is full of creative people! I-I thought for sure April Fools' Day would be a big deal here.
(stands up and yells) WELL, IT'S NOT! OKAY, TORI?! SO, JUST SHUT YOUR FACE AND LET MR. BELDING TEACH!
BMr. Belding
Thank you, Zack. (Cat sits back down angrily) Now, as Screech was saying, a world without pants is like a donut.
Oh, come on! No one here is into April Fools? (Mr. Belding tackles her to the floor and takes her purse) WHOA! Okay. Uh... (Mr. Belding runs out of the room)
Robbie
Tori! Tori! I'm running in with big news! Tori!
(he and the feeding girl start screaming and run away in terror. Robbie comes up to the table)
Robbie
The Beverly Hills volcano is about to erupt!
Robbie
In three and a half minutes, this whole school is gonna be covered in hot lava!
We only have three and a half minutes?
(pounds his fist on the table) The same amount of time as a commercial break.
Robbie
(grabs Tori's arm) I say we kiss.
Robbie
Not you! (to Tori) You. Kiss me, Tori. I want my last three and a half minutes to be spent with my face... smushed against your face.
Are there any other ideas?
Robbie
Tori, please!
Okay. (the two lean in to kiss, and the screen freezes)
Stay tuned for the second half of Victorious... or don't. I get paid either way.
(after commercial)
...And now, we continue with the exciting second half of Victorious. Press Play. (Tori's about to kiss Robbie, but Beck comes rushing in)
Tori, Andre. Have you heard? Have you heard the news?
Robbie
Later!
Robbie
I already told you! The Beverly Hills volcano is about to erupt! Now, kiss me.
The Beverly Hills volcano has retired and moved to Florida. So, it's probably NOT gonna spew hot lava all over Hollywood Arts! (everyone cheers)
Robbie
Wait! I just heard we're about to be attacked by killer butterflies! (everyone moans)
Wait! Sinjin has 2 big jugs of anti-butterfly spray! (everyone cheers again, but Sinjin is seen drinking the spray)
But I drank them! (everyone moans again)
(holding up an apple) Wait, I'm not gonna eat this apple! So, you guys can all share it! (everyone cheers again, Tori's phone then goes off)
WAIT! I just got a text that says that apples make your hair fall out! (everyone moans again)
What's done is done. (eats an apple out of a bowl of them)
And your question is... Dumb Debbie was so dumb.
CBCat, Beck, André, Robbie, Jade and Trina
HOW DUMB WAS SHE?
She was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools... blank.
(Later, after the others have filled in their answers)
Okay, Tori. Dumb Debbie was so dumb. She didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools...
Day. Mm-hmm. Day. Well, let's see if you match anybody. (clears throat) André!
Roses are red, storm clouds are gray. Debbie's so dumb, she didn't realize it was April Fools... (takes his card and turns it over) Lobster. (a buzzer rings, and a lobster comes out near the entrance and charges towards Tori)
That's the lobster! AAH! (the lobster pushes her to the ground, rubs her butt and slaps her back before running off)
All right now, get up! (she does) Jade, what's your answer?
Well I figured she was so dumb... she thought April 1st was April Fools... (turns her card over) Berry! (buzzer rings again) That's a thing! Right, April Fools Berry? That's a thing!
Robbie
Oh, you're a thing. A foul beast of a thing! (everyone else laughs as the lobster comes back)
No no no. No no no, it is not my fault that she said berry! (the lobster places her on the floor as she flails. He then slaps her butt again and runs off)
Alright, upsie daisy! (Tori gets back up) Robbie.
Robbie
Yes yes, what is it Sikowitz?
Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools...
Robbie
(turns his card over) Foot. (buzzer, the crowd boos) Oh, shut up, you people. I WAS ON BROADWAY!
Wait, the lobster forgot to push Tori down!
Cat, why would you remind him?! (the lobster charges at Tori) Okay, n-n-no. See, see, I was-- (the lobster grabs Tori and places her to the ground as she flails. He then flexes and runs off)
Will you GET UP?! (she does) Cat! Dumb Debbie was so dumb, she didn't realize that April 1st was April Fools... blank.
I said... (turns her card over) 'Blank!' (buzzer)
(laughs) I love President Ford!
We're not gonna bring the lobster out for that one. (Tori pats him on the back) Uh, Beck!
(in garbled accent) Well, I'm sorry, Doc and I was starving, so I said... (turns his card over) Onion rings. (buzzer, the lobster comes through the entrance)
No. I know. (faints. The lobster then leaves)
(laughs) Okay! One last chance. Your sister. Trina.
Well, I said... (reveals her card) '...Cut to the next scene!'. (scene cuts to the Vegas' house where Tori waves her arms weirdly)
Oh, your stupid card brought us to this scene! You cost me $5,000!
But I want an Oompa Loompa now!
You can't HAVE an Oompa Loompa--
EEveryone
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
There's no football game.
EEveryone
WHERE'S THE BEEF!?
Okay, kids won't get that reference. And... it's April Fools Day!
Robbie
Um... I think you look nice with no eyebrows.
[Jade glares at him]
Jade, I just wanna say... I really appreciate you having lunch with us, and thank you, André and Beck, for handcuffing Jade to the table.
[Jade tries to attack Cat, but she's still handcuffed to the table]
Robbie
I still don't get how this happened.
Well, Jade asked me to make her eyebrows look nice. So I tried to wax them, but when I took the wax strips off, there was... Um... a problem.
No, they're not. I told you, they're right here! (holds up the wax strips with Jade's eyebrows on them)
Is that a pair of my underwear?
Yeah, my allergies have been so bad today.
Tissues make my nose red and sore. These are so soft. (blows her nose in them)
You've been blowing your nose in my underwear?
Yeah, they're like a giant soft hankie.
(Robbie approaches)
Robbie
Well, if it isn't the Vega girls!
Robbie
Yup. Cause I've finished the song I've been writing.
Oh, is it another song about worms?
Robbie
Not this time!
Robbie
This song's about a girl.
Look, Robbie, I already told you I'm not interested in you.
Robbie
I didn't mean you. I-
Okay, you know how some girls say "I only like you as a friend"?
Robbie
Yeah.
I don't even like you that way.
(runs around giving out hugs) Free hugs! I want to give free hugs!
Robbie
Someone's a Happy Cat.
Wait, is this because of that guy you met last night?
Robbie
Oh, you met a fella?
Yeah, his name's Evan. Oh, and I invited him here tonight to watch Beck's movie!
Oh, yeah, the screenings tonight. I hear the movie turned out pretty good.
Robbie
I was the wig master.
(Tori and Cat look at Robbie, then walk away)
So, what did Evan do when you told him your blonde hair was really a wig?
I say, what did Evan do when you told him your blonde hair was really a wig?
Robbie
You never told him you were wearing one of my wigs?
So, you spent like five hours with this guy, and he still doesn't know what you really look like?
No. Oh, my god! What if he hates redheaded girls with brown eyes?
Robbie
Are you crying?
Yeah, I can't help it! (grabs Tori's underwear) I cry when I'm scared! (blows her nose in them) What is this?
You know what? (grabs underwear and stalks off)
Robbie
That does it! Catarina Valentine, I will not sit here anymore and listen to you talk bad about yourself! You're adorable. Any guy would be lucky as cheese to go out with you.
Thanks, Robbie, that was really sweet, but you don't know how guys think.
Robbie
(flabbergasted) Uh...how could...good day! (storms off)
Robbie
(from offscreen) Yes!
Jade, tell Cat that when this boy sees her pretty red hair tonight, he's gonna like her even more.
Cause I'm looking at Evan's Splash Face page, scrolling through pics of his ex-girlfriends: blonde, blonde, blonde - whoa, ugly blonde - uh, blonde, oh, and his blue eyed dog with blonde fur. I'm thinking Evan goes for blondes.
Oh, that doesn't mean anything. What are his likes and dislikes?
Uh, likes sushi, video games, girls with blonde hair and blue eyes.
People who pretend to be something they're not.
Oh, no! Can I have your underwear again? (Tori hands Cat her underpants, and she cries into them)
(Everyone goes out to the alley)
CCrowd
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Yo, yo, yo! Hold up! You boys want to fight Robbie, you gotta fight me, too.
Robbie
Uh, would it be ok if they fought just you, cause -
Robbie
Yes?
MMerle
My boy here don't wanna fight Shapiro.
Then how come we're not all back in there eating sushi?
MMerle
Cause we're about to have ourselves a Hamboneoff!
Robbie
I have to tinkle.
How long have we been here like this?
Robbie
About 9 hours.
Man, I can't believe we did this to ourselves. Just to get a stupid Pear Pad 3.
Robbie
Well, it does have a slightly better screen.
Robbie
Yeah?
If you say that 1 more time, I'm gonna grab your head and pull it right off your body.
Robbie
(Teasingly and Sing-songly) Slightly better screen! (Andre tries to grab Robbie's arm but the latter hides it in his pear costume and continues to tease Andre) Slightly better screen! Slightly better screen!
Victorious · 532 quotes
