Are we gonna be just like our parents?
When you get old, your butt sags.
And you can't find your pants.
Sometimes, I feel so much pressure, y'know, with my music. My cousin J.J., he's always telling me, "You know, you gotta be the best. You gotta be number one! Number one!!!" And I wanna tell him "Hey, man, get off my chizz!" But he drives me to school, and I don't wanna blow my ride.
(raises hand) I have a weird talent.
(crying) You're so conceited, Tori! You're so conceited!
CatWhat's your talent?
Yeah, let's see it. (everybody joins in)
Okay. Okay. I'll show you. (Tori starts pulling out her socks ) Can't believe I'm doing this.
(Tori gets a bow and arrow and uses it with her own feet and the arrow hits a poster. All of them start talking in amazement)
(sarcastically) That was amazing! You learn that from your daddy? Your daddy know how to shoot a bow and arrow with his foot?
(after a pause) I'm sorry, did I miss something?
Go on. Shoot another arrow.
Oh, c'mon, show us what your daddy taught you about foot archery.
BECAUSE MY DAD CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIS FEET!
STOP IT!!! As teenagers, we are all under too much pressure!!!
(after a brief pause, everybody starts laughing)
Cat
(as Robbie starts to tackle Tori) Robbie!
(while everybody is laughing, Robbie blows raspberries on Tori's stomach)
(Beck is holding Jade while walking in the hallway)
I'm done talking about it!
He's KIDNAPPING me! (shouting) You wanna see a kidnapper?! KIDNAPPER! Let go! (Beck brings Jade inside the janitor's closet) KIDNAPPER!
Right! What's funny is you freaking out over a dumb game show!
We were voted worst couple. And the other two couples weren't even real couples! And one had Robbie in it!
Why do you care if we were voted worst couple?
It's a matter of- (Cat walks in with three spoons)
Cat
Is this a closet party? Look, I have spoons!
Cat, come here. We need your opinion on something.
Cat
On global warming?
Cat
'Cause I don't think that's really happening.
Cat
Seriously. I went to the movies the other night, and it was so cold...
Cat
Hi. (waves her arms)
We need your opinion on us.
Why not just ask a monkey?!
Cat
I saw a movie about a monkey! He wore glasses and carried a gun.
Don't you think Jade and I fight a lot?
Cat
Sure.
Yeah, but all boyfriends and girlfriends fight a lot, don't they?
Cat
Well sometimes, we-
You never listen to me talk!
Cat
Can I go now?
No! (grabs Cat by the backpack) What is your point here, anyway?!
I would like to have a girlfriend I can talk to without it turning into a screaming match!
Yeah, well I'd like a boyfriend who other girls don't stare at all the time!
Cat
I thought this was a closet party.
How is it my fault girls stare at me?!
Oh, you could look worse if you wanted to.
Cat
(panicked) I'm under my bed, I'm under my bed, I'm under my bed... (puts her hands on her ears while gasping)
I can't believe how jealous you get.
Oh! Oh, so you think I'm ugly.
What?! (to Cat) Who sai-did I say she was ugly?!
Cat thinks we're a perfect couple!
Cat, are Jade I are a perfect couple?
(Cat faints and drops her spoons)
I'm late for class. (Jade leaves)
We're gonna have to finish this sooner or later!
(leaves the closet and walks past the janitor named Luther) Hi.
(Luther enters the closet. Cat is still lying on the ground. Luther, who did not notice Cat, gets a sledgehammer and a bundle of rope. Suddenly, Lane walks in.)
Hey, Luth. Somebody spilled a soda on the floor in the gym and it--- (both Lane and Luther see Cat lying on the ground unconscious)
(in a disapproving tone) Oh, Luther. Why?
Oh! Great, it's-it's you guys!
See? They're all here. I told you, they'd all be here.
Listen, I am sorry that we didn't invite you guys to play, but, uh-
Tell her why you didn't invite us to play.
Well...cause...we were...planning your surprise party...?
Alright! We didn't invite you guys to play because you two are always screaming at each other, and it makes everybody feel awkward, it makes Cat faint, and sometimes it makes Robbie cry!
One time! I cried one time!
See?! We fight so much, even our friends don't want us around!
Tori's not my friend, I only tolerate Robbie, no one likes Trina, and Cat's basically a pet.
Cat
Arf!
Are you guys gonna let her say that nobody likes me?! (Beck and Jade both turn to Tori then back)
So...why don't you guys play cards with us. (touches Jade's arm then walks to the table)
Look, I-I don't want to be your boyfriend if we're just gonna fight all the time.
No, I-I didn't say that. I'm just saying...
You guys might break up? Because I'm not dating anyone, and I always thought Beck and I would make the perfect- (Jade throws a pillow at her, and she stands shocked)
Next time it's a hammer! C'mon, Beck, take me to get some food.
Ok. I'm gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna count to ten.
Cat
Don't forget three. (everyone looks at her) Some people forget it.
If I get to 10 and you're not out there, I'm going home… and we're over. [Jade goes outside] 1!
(while touching Beck seductively) I would never fight with you.
2… 3… [Cat claps] 4… [Beck heads to the door] 5… [Trina follows Beck to stop him] 6… [Trina jumps on Beck and pins him down]
TRINA! [Tori, André, Robbie and Cat go to Trina]
Get OFF! NO!(André and Robbie pull Trina off of Beck)
I'm a really fun girl... (Robbie pins Trina)
(to Trina) No! You're not!
(while holding Beck's leg) ...And so good looking!
Stop! What are you doing?! Stop! (Beck stands up and goes to the door)
7… (Beck holds the doorknob and stops) 8… (Beck looks at Trina, who is pointing at herself and winking) 9… (André, Cat and Tori glare at one another) 10! (Jade stops while Beck is still inside, holding the doorknob. Jade goes to the door, but steps back and leaves. Inside, Beck lets go of the doorknob while he hears Jade's car leaving)
(sadly) Yeah, let's play… (everybody goes to the table to play cards)
Cat
I'll pick up the cards.
Make sure you get all 52.
Cat
KK. 1, 2, (forgets three) 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11... (Trina sits beside Beck and lies her head on his shoulder)
(Cat puts a dollar in the soda machine, picks a drink, takes it and immediately throws it in the trash. The bell rings)
Cat? Why'd you just throw your drink in the trash?
Cat
'Cause I wasn't thirsty.
But...but you bought the-ah, forget it.
(Jade attempts to put duct tape around the broken guitar. After doing so, Jade holds the guitar but it snaps again.)
Cat
Do you think my mom's boss will notice?
Cat
We're in here!
Cat
Yeah, so he can help us put up the guitar and fix the window.
Robbie can barely work his zipper on his own pants! (Cat giggles)
(entering the room holding a bucket of materials) What's up, little pigeons? (Suddenly, Beck enters, also holding some materials, which leaves Jade surprised)
Cat
Hi.
(to Cat) Why did you invite Beck?!
(to Robbie) You didn't tell me Jade was gonna be here?
(to Jade) I thought you had a date tonight.
It said so on your Slap page.
Why you stalking my Slap page?
Cat
Why is Robbie's zipper down? (Robbie notices and pulls it up)
Look, let's just get this stupid guitar fixed and hung back up there before Cat's mom's boss gets back.
Cat
We have to fix the window, too.
Oooh! I'll find a window repair company using the new feature on my PearPhone. (his PearPhone dings) I need a window repair company in Beverly Hills.
PPearPhone
(ding) Checking for...adult diapers. (Cat, Jade and the puppy all look questioned)
N-n-n-n-n-no, that was my last search.
(back at the mansion, Robbie and Jade fix the guitar while Beck and Cat talk to the window repair company worker)
Thanks for fixing the window.
Cat
Yeah. And we didn't even notice your lack of hair. (the worker leaves as Cat waves)
Guitar all good up there?
Yeah! And look. You can't even see where it broke.
Cat
Yay! My mom's boss will never know anything bad happen!
(picks up the skull) Whoa! Is this a real human skull?
Yeah. Give it, so I can put it back.
(gets the skull) Robbie, give it to me. (Jade and Robbie start to fight about the skull)
Robbie! We don't have time!
Fine! (Jade drops the skull)
(the skull falls on the glass table, breaking it. Cat gasps. At the same time, the guitar swings and destroys a lamp. Cat yelps and starts to cry)
Cat
But--- (buzz)
Zip up your pants! (Robbie does so)
Cat
(clicks the buzzer) Hello?
GMr. Gibbons
Cat. It's Carl Gibbons. I forgot my key, would you buzz me in?
Cat
It's my mom's boss.
GMr. Gibbons
Could you buzz me in?
Cat
Um. Sure I could. Or maybe you could go to Europe for two weeks.
GMr. Gibbons
Cat, buzz me in.
Cat
(Cat does so) Kay-kay. (Cat sobs)
When he gets up here, we'll just explain that–
(an earthquake hits the mansion)
Cat
Earthquake!
[grabs Cat] OKAY, EVERYBODY DOWN!!! COVER YOUR HEADS!!!
(Beck covers Cat and himself, Robbie hides under a small table and Jade protects herself with a pillow while the dog barks loudly. The earthquake partially destroys the mansion. The scene cuts to Nozu where the earthquake also hits. Tori hides under the round table along with the other guests.)
Everybody get down! I don't have insurance!
HHope
Protect my birthday presents! Somebody protect my– (a giant sign falls on her head, knocking her out. The earthquake stops and everybody stares at a moaning Hope. Andre then smiles.)
Cat
(to Mr. Gibbons) I'm so sorry about your guitar, and your lamp, and your table...
GMr. Gibbons
(not even a tad bit angry) That's alright. It's not your fault.
Cat
But...
(puts her hands on Cat's shoulders, looking at her in the eye) Cat, Mr. Gibbons isn't mad at us, because he knows the EARTHQUAKE caused this damage.
Yeah. We can only blame the earth.
Victorious · 532 quotes
