Cat quotes from Victorious

Well, I guess someone should get this on video.

(She records Trina hanging from the wire and the set being destroyed)

(to Cat) Thank you for making me come to this play.

Cat

That poor ranch house! (Trina is still hanging from the wire which then falls to the floor and Cat is hiding her eyes) Please tell me it's over...

(wall falls on Trina)

It's over.

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Cat

Don't worry. One time, when my brother was in Vegas, he fell out of a fourth story hotel window and landed on the roof of a shuttle bus.

(looking worried) And he was okay?

Cat

No...

Well, but he's okay now?

Cat

No... he's seriously messed up.

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Sinjin

I think Tori broke my jaw!

DUN DUN DUN!

Cat

(singing) La la la la la...

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See? Not so easy to perform a scene when you have a bucket on your head, is it?

...No.

André

It's difficult...

Mm.. Yes. Well, class dismissed.

But we still have more time.

We do? How much?

55 minutes.

Oh. Oh. Well, actually I do have something I need to discuss with...some of you. Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, please stay. The rest of you may wander the halls. (everyone leaves except them) Thanks for coming, enjoy your day, I'm here all week. Tip your nurses and clowns. (he shuts the door after they all have left)

Cat

Why did you make them leave?

I don't know... they never talk.

Yeah, they just sit there and... (makes a reaction) ...'React'.

So what do you want with us?

Who likes parades?

Antonio Banderas.

Hillbillies.

No one.

Oh, c'mon, parades are fun.

Cat

One time my brother was in a parade, but he was inappropriate, so the parade people called the police, and now he's not allowed to be in parades. (pause) Or be near horses.

Play with the pretty keys.

Cat

Kay-kay. (takes the keys and plays with them)

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Cat

Yay. Cupcake Power. Wooo!

Hey, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat. (Cat stops) YOU'RE KILLING ME!

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Give me my keys back. (Cat gives them back) Where's my house key? (Cat moans)

I'll take her to the nurse.

Cat

(quietly) I swallowed it.

We'll see it again.

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Cat

Okay (sigh)

André

Okay.

Parade float.

André

Ideas.

Cat

What do we have so far?

Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'

What was wrong with my idea?

No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'

ARAndré and Robbie

Well...

Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?

(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?

Cat

We're performing in the Parade Parade.

I'll do it.

Trina...

No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.

Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--

ARAndre, Robbie and Cat

No!

Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?

EEveryone

No!

I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)

Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.

I'll get you some ice.

Sit down!

I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?

Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?

So?

And you think you're doing that without me?

You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.

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(Beck and Andre are wearing their pajama costumes)

We don't wanna wear these.

Cat

Why don't you guys like your costumes?

(looks down at his costume in disbelief) W-why?

Cat

They're candy jammies, they go perfect with our cupcake theme.

Yeah, they do. I think they're rad cool.

(sarcastic) Yeah, they look adorable.

You know, she wants us all to wear them.

(turns to Cat) I will pop your head like a zit.

Cat

(holds her hands to her head) Graphic.

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Cat

What street are we on?

Yeah, what street?

Let's just say... it ain't Sesame Street. (Oh, wait. That's in New York.)

Cat

I love Sesame Street. (starts singing) Sunny--

NO!

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Cat

Christmas beef?

Yeah, sure. (takes a piece but then gets suspicious) ...Wait. Who made this?

Cat

My brother!

Uh-uh. (puts it back)

Cat

Why not?

'Cause last month I had his Thanksgiving sausage and i'm still a mess.

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Cat

Hi, Secret Santa time!

(gestures to Beck) You mine or his?

Cat

Yours! For you!

(snatches gift) Give it!

(Tori comes over)

Hey, guys, can I ask you-

Shut up! I'm opening a Christmas Present!

Grunch

(Jade opens gift)

Oh, my God, Cat, you did not.

(Cat squeals and giggles)

Scissors?

They're special scissors!

Ok.

Cat

They're from a real movie!

I cannot believe you got me these.

What movie are they from?

"The Scissoring."

Wait, that one about the girl that comes back from the dead and uses a pair of scissors on her two best friends?

Yep.

(twirls scissors and looks at Tori) Starting with the pretty girl.

Oh. Um...anyways. You guys I'm Andre's Secret Santa, and I have like, no clue what to get him.

Cat

Just get him a present!

Oh my god...

(touches Cat's shoulder) Okay, help me, please! I don't want to give him the worst present, and then have to go Christmas yodeling with Sikowitz.

Two words.

I bet they won't be helpful.

Your problem.

I was right.

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Well, well. It's 7:06 here in Los Angeles. That means that in Australia, it's yesterday! (pause) Or tomorrow.

Y'know, in Australia, when you flush the toilet, the water swirls backwards.

Put a sock in it, Afro! You clowns are gonna sit in here all day and think about why you're in detention. (Jade leans back and spits her gum in the air; Rex leans back and catches it in his mouth) Now, cellphones. Let's have 'em.

Why?

Because in detention, there are no phone calls.

What about texting?

No.

E-mail?

No!

Can we play Grumpy Gerbils?

Cat

I love Grumpy Gerbils.

I can't get past Level 23.

ZIP IT, corn pie.

Can we have corn pie?

Shut up! (brief pause) PHONES! (the gang all put their phones in the box) Now... I'm gonna put your box of phones right here. (puts them on top of the bookshelf. Tori then raises her hand) What, "princess"?

I was just wondering what the plan is for lunch.

Well if you pre-turds get hungry, there's a big plate of tuna right here. (points to it)

Um, technically, sir, if perishable foods aren't kept at either below 34 degrees or above 140 degrees-

Pipe down, side salad. Eat the tuna or starve. I could care less.

I think you mean you couldn't care less.

What's that?

You said you could care less.

Which implies that you do care, at least a little bit.

I don't.

Well, then you should have said, you couldn't care less.

But you did not.

Cat

Hey, what about the guy who first landed on the moon? He said "One small step for man." I would've just said "Oh, my god, I'm on the moon." (Beck smiles)

Alright, not another word.

Word.

That's it, West, you just bought yourself another Saturday detention.

Did I get a good deal on it?

You just bought yourself another one. (Cat yelps and buries her head in her hood)

Okay, look, I'm sorry, I apologize.

That's 3. 3 Saturdays.

But she was apologizing.

Okay, Vega, now you got one.

Why?

Boom! Another one.

I don't want another one!

That's three. You want to to try for four?

I really don't.

That's 4! You want 5?

Yes.

Okay, Vega, you just got 5!

What?

Cat

(silently) Tori, stop.

Stop what? Jade said yes.

I guess he's afraid to give one to Robbie. (Robbie covers Rex's mouth as Mr. Dickers comes to him)

(to Rex) Oh, yeah? I got one for you, too, Fudge Sack. Anybody else? Huh? Anybody? (no one speaks) You mess with the cow... you get the udders. (Dickers leaves the library as the door closes)

FORGET YOU!!!

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(Tori takes her taco)

Ooh, still warm.

Well, they were in Robbie's pants.

Can you not say that again?

Cat, you're not eating your taco.

Cat

(nervously) Yeah, it's 'cause I'm - I'm like - I'm too excited to eat it, you know. Tacos, yay. (the cheese from Cat's taco fell off)

Vegan.

Cat

I am not.

Then eat your taco if you're not a vegan.

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You know what I can go for right now?

Tacos?

How'd you know?

I felt you, dawg. (Beck smiles)

Tacos. Those sound really good right now.

(while ripping paper) I'm down for tacos.

(nervously) Yeah. I love tacos.

(about Cat) Look who's being real quiet.

Cat

I'm just not that hungry right now.

Yeah, why don't you tell everyone the truth?

Cat

Leave me alone.

What's going on here?

(goes to Cat) Our pristine little friend Cat has never had a taco.

Cat

I'm not that pristine. (pause) Wait, what's pristine mean?

(to Cat) Are you a vegan?

Knock it off, guys.

What's a vegan?

It's a person who doesn't eat meat.

I love meat.

Shhh.

Don't shush me.

C'mon, Cat, tell us. Have you ever had a crispy corn shell, filled with meat... lettuce... shredded cheese... (Jade glares at Cat)

(Tori comes over)

Hey! Leave her alone.

What are you gonna do if I don't?

Well, I might just go online, to the Slap, and unfriend you. (Cat gasps)

Oh, really?

Two clicks. One to unfriend you, and one to confirm that I really wanna unfriend you. (Jade glares at Tori)

Hey, c'mon, y'all, how we gonna get some tacos?

I could call Trina, ask her to pick some up and leave them in my locker.

(crying) You're so conceited, Tori! You're so conceited!

(confused) What?

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(the group is avoiding Mr. Dickers in the hall when they run into some wet floor signs)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! The floor's wet.

Cat

We can't run across that, it's too dangerous!

Way to go, Tori. You just had to have your taco!

We're dead...

No...just me. (stuffs the bag of tacos in Robbie's pants) You guys get back to the library.

Cat

What about you?

I'm gonna get Dickers' attention.

How?

(singing loud and off key while running and ripping posters) HERE I AM, ONCE AGAIN... FEELING LOST... (The screen cuts to Dickers turning suspicious and heading in the direction of the singing) YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR DREAM IN ACTION, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FADE YOU'LL BE THE MAIN ATTRACTION... IN MY VICTORY, JUST REMEMBER ME, WHEN I MAKE IT SHINE-(bumps into Dickers)

Oh, ho ho. I'm gonna make it shine. I'm gonna make it shine REAL good!

Listen-

Aaaaaahhhh, you're in big trouble, Vega.

For what?

For leaving the library, skinny jeans! And singing off-key! Come on. (pulls Tori by the arm)