Veronica Mars · Season 1
You can keep asking, but you're not the fairest. Trust me.
Well, I can tell you who the pastiest is. What's the deal - can't buy bronzer with food stamps?
You wrote "slut" on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why?
Because "whore" had too many letters.
You don't want to drink that.
Why?
I'm betting Madison gave you a trip to the dentist. It's her thing. She does it to people she doesn't like. She spits in a cocktail and calls it a trip to the dentist. 'Cause we're in eighth grade.
Regular soda? Why didn't you just fill the cup with lard?
[upon seeing Veronica] Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called My Skank.
Goodbye, Dick.
What?
Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno. That's pretty much a general invitation. If you don't like my girlfriend, then start heading towards the big rectangle with the knob.
[Duncan leaves.]
Hey, I have to tell you something.
I'm sorry, we're past the confessional portion of this program. We're on to the make out.
Tell me this is a joke. You want to sue the Kane family?
Yes.
Please tell me there's another Kane family in town. Maybe a Boris and Gilda Kane?
So, anyone read the paper today? Garfield - I mean, will he ever learn? Oh yeah, and there was this other thing: I guess Abel Koontz didn't kill Lilly. Let's open the floor for discussion on that one.
[tapping finger on table] You said you were in Mexico the day of Lilly's murder. Why?
How many episodes of NYPD Blue did you have to watch to get that finger tapping down?
I asked you a question.
And I ignored it and moved on. Keep up. [snapping fingers]
So I guess we broke up, huh?
What do you want me to say, Logan?
"Logan, I'm gonna go home and put my head in the oven because I can't go on living knowing what a heartless bitch I am!" Something like that.
So you're saying you want me dead?
Yes.
One word from me and Backup goes for your throat.
[scoffs] Is that what you'd do, boy? You'd tear out my throat? [kneels down to dog] Who's a man killer, huh? [Backup kisses Logan] Who's a man killer?
Isn't it better like this?
So much better.
This is how it's supposed to be.
Totally.
This is how it's going to be from now on. Right? Lilly?
[sighs] You know how things are going to be now, don't you? You have to know.
Just like this. Just like this.
Don't forget about me, Veronica.
I could never.
"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always to be blest: the soul, uneasy and confined from home, rests and expatiates in a life to come."
And what do you suppose Pope meant by that?
Life's a bitch until you die.
Sister. The only time I care what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. Even then, it's not so much words, just a bunch of "oohs" and "ahs" you know?
So it's big, huh?
Legendary.
Well , let's see it. I mean if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend. [bats eyes and gasps] We could go to prom together. What? What seems to be the problem? I'm on a schedule here, vato.
Weevil, don't let blondie talk to you like that.
Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too.
Oh, hell, I'll show you mine!
Felix Toombs. What on God's green Earth is going on here? All right, gentleman, move along. [Weevil, Felix and others leave] Veronica, why does trouble follow you around? [Clemmons leaves]
[about Veronica] Well, if it isn't Smokey the Barely Legal.
Hey, Veronica Mars. Do you know what your little joke cost me?
Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.
[smashes a headlight] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
Clearly your sense of humor.
[smashes other headlight] Nope. And you're usually so good at pop quizzes. No, the correct answer is: my car. That's right, my Daddy took my T-bird away. And you know what I won't be having? Fun, fun, fun.
I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from The Outsiders.
Be cool, Sodapop.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
