You think it's a conspiracy?
This is Neptune. Nothing happens accidentally.
S2Normal Is the Watchword
V[Veronica]
[Veronica bumps into Wallace hard] Huh! Seniors rule!
Got any enemies you know about?
Well, there's the Klan.
This isn't really their M.O.
Well, then I guess that leaves everybody that hates you
Just when I think I'm out, the suck me back in.
So, senior year. How was your first day at school honey?
Great! I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money and then skipped out after lunch.
What, no pre-marital sex?
Oh, yea... yes. But don't worry dad, I swear you're gonna like these guys.
That's my girl.
I missed you.
[While they hug] I missed you too. Now, where is my turkey pot-pie, woman?
[after failing a drug test] Yeah, mon. Maybe I smoked so much ganja, I don't even remember doing it.
What if you did ingest an illegal substance, but it was such a mild dose that you weren't even aware of it? Eat any mystery brownies lately?
Spirit boxes! The day of the back to school athletic banquet, there were spirit boxes in our lockers. There weren't any brownies in there, but there were cookies.
Did you eat one?
I ate six.
That's my Wallace.
[making out with Logan] My dad is probably watching us through a telescope.
He's probably impressed with your virtue.
[laughs] And the telescope is mounted on a rifle.
[Pauses, then looks up to where Keith is supposedly watching, with rifle, and holds up his hand, fingers spread] Five more minutes. [Veronica giggles] He should feel lucky. I mean, you could be out here with some pretty boy jerk just looking to get laid.
Wait, what are you saying? You aren't pretty?
What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you.
The things guys'll say to get past second base.
What's up, honey?
Wallace is having a little trouble giving me a urine sample.
Can't you talk on the phone and paint your nails like other girls?
This is a health class project. Come on, you're a man -- can you give him some pointers?
[sighs, walks over to bathroom door] Wallace?
Yup?
You try turning the water on?
Mmmm-hmmm.
Also, pinching your own nipples can sometimes work.
[pushes her dad out of the room] Eww that's disgusting. I can't even look at you. [giggles]
Hey Dad!
Yeah honey.
If I know the name of a business how do I find out the names of its' shareholders?
You get the strangest homework in health class.
S2Driver Ed
[clears throat] when you guys are done breaking up can I get a macchiatto?
I'm actually just the hostess, but I ca-
Look! I don't care if you're the house magician, can you just make me a macchiatto?
[waves hands as a magician would do] You're a macchiatto.
Look, I haven't dated a guy in high school since the eighth grade.
I'm an old soul. Seriously, these eyes have seen things. Did I mention I'm a nice guy?
Ah, "nice." The great panty dropper.
Okay, I'm not that nice.
Oh, yes you are.
How do you know?
Because I haven't tried to make out with you yet.
Afternoon delight? Ooh, considerably better than fifth period English.
Ugh, you need to not remind me you're in high school. There's an 'ick' factor.
Is that so?
Yeah. School in general? Not very hot. Unless I'm wearing a naughty school girl uniform. Then it's very hot.
I'm sure it would be, for the ten seconds you had it on.
Veronica, it's not your fault.
I'm afraid that line only works in Good Will Hunting.
DDuane
Let me tell you something. If I was gonna do a kamikaze, you know, off a bridge with a bus full of kids and stuff, a convenience store would not be the site of my last meal. I'd want to eat something on the brink of extinction, you know, like the last emu. Or a meerkat. I bet they'd go down smooth.
Hey Sheriff...you'll never believe who's in the interrogation room filling out an application.
You're right. Who?
Veronica Mars.
You left her alone in there?![barges into the interrogation room] What are you up to, Veronica?
Last question, actually. "Why do you want this position?" Honestly - and really tell me the truth - how much of an ass-kiss would I be if I admit it's to be close to you? [Lamb pulls out her chair] Seriously, why do birds suddenly appear every time you're near?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.