Veronica Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Keith

Hey, honey. What have you been up to?

Veronica

Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, 'cause there's some place I'd like to put it!

Keith

Wow. Good thing I didn't go with the bear trap.

Veronica

This is not funny! I need to see that diary! She's lying. I know it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

Keith

Honey, you don't have to get all blue in the face.

Veronica

You're patronizing me?

Keith

To be fair, I am your patron.

Weevil

If you're looking for my trophy, it's back by auto shop.

Veronica

Lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hub caps?

Weevil

Is this 1970? Rims, baby.

Veronica

So you got a trophy for a rim job?

Weevil

Forget it. Look, I got some information for you.

Veronica

Finally! A Deep Throat to call my own.

Weevil

I'm not going to touch that one.

Veronica

How hard can it be to find an actor named Tom Cruz?

Wallace

Tom Cruise? Not as good a private eye as I thought.

Wallace

Damn. This dog is a freak show. He oughta be in show biz.

Veronica

D'you think that's some kind of rare breed or something?

Wallace

That or a drunk dingo had a three-way with an ocelot and a porcupine.

Keith

Don't forget. You're a high school girl. Do some high school girl things now and then.

Veronica

Relax, Dad. I'm cutting pictures of Ashton out of Teen People as we speak.

Great game the other night man. Eighteen points, eight assists.

Wallace

On the streets we call those dimes.

Veronica

Streets? You live on the corner of Pleasant Valley and Marigold.

Veronica

[as "Betty"] At my old school I was Horny! [receives odd looks] We were the Rhinos. I was the mascot.

And what school was that?

Veronica

Riverdale.

Never heard of it.

I hate to bribe you, but... I'm fairly certain that aiding and abetting qualifies me for a dinner date.

Veronica

Actually, it qualifies you for dinner and a movie, but you undershot, so...

Damn!

Veronica

Can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?

Wallace

Isn't that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded?

Veronica

Caz, I'm kind of busy so let's play this at fast forward. I ask you to stop harassing Sabrina Fuller. You deny it. I eventually catch you. You're suspended, dropped from basketball and made the subject of a news blurb that everyone chuckles at in the papers. So stop harassing Sabrina, okay?

Look, I'm not harassing Sabrina.

Veronica

Caz, did you listen?

Keith

Guess who stopped by today?

Veronica

If you say Josh Hartnett, I'm gonna be so bummed.

Keith

Veronica, we need to talk.

Veronica

[in Southern accent] He's a fine gentleman, Pa. He'll come up with the dowry to marry me, just you wait.

Wallace

He's not gropin' her, is he?

Veronica

No, but earlier I saw him cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket.

Mac

What did you ever do before you met me?

Veronica

Ever see the first 10 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey? It was a lot like that.

Logan

So, what do you think?

Veronica

Like, in general? Or is there a specific area on which you'd like my opinion?