Sharon Carter quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

If he’s so smart, why does it take him four days to fix a jukebox?

Sharon

Cause every night when he goes home I break a different part.

Berg

I say we chip in and get the night vision goggles.

Sharon

Cause there’s nothing that says commitment and trust like surveillance equipment.

Sharon

You waltzed with her?

Pete

And a couple of tangos.

Sharon

And she gave you money? Pete you’re a hooker!

Sharon

Wow. Thanksgiving at my place.

Johnny

Yeah. My sister makes a great Thanksgiving dinner, but I know yours is gonna be even better.

Sharon

I have to cook?

Pete

(Yelling to them upstairs through the window) Hey Sharon, here's another new tradition, close your window!

Sharon

I can't retake freshman English again!

Pete

Um Sharon, that's redundant. You don't need to say 'again' when you say 'retake.'

Irene

I think you'll feel better if you just let it all out.

Sharon

Okay, Pete was just trying to hang a mirror, he doesn't love you, I hate your sweater, and YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!

Sharon

I want everyone to know I am just here for Berg.

Ashley

Well, why do you think I'm here?

Sharon

According to the Bible, to balance good.

Pete

All I could think about was how I was gonna get Berg back for giving Ashley a key.

Sharon

Me too.

Pete

What were you gonna do?

Sharon

Leave a message on his machine as an ex-girlfriend. You?

Pete

I was gonna leave a home pregnancy test kit on his dresser.

Sharon

Wow, that's good. You really put a lot of thought into that.

Pete

He's my best friend.

Sharon

Ashley and I have nothing in common, what are we going to talk about?

Pete

Do you have an interest in witchcraft?

Sharon

Actually, we're engaged 'in theory.'

Pete

Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.

Sharon

Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple; an engagement is a promise to be married. and I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.

Johnny

Good luck finding a card for that.

Sharon

Berg, you work at a hospital. You couldn't have gotten real eyeballs?

Berg

Well, I tried, but a blind kid beat me to 'em.

Sharon

When did my values get so out of wack? I never used to be like this, I wanted simpler things.

Pete

Well . . . you have Johnny.

Sharon

Quick! Do something!

Berg

What?

Sharon

Throw Pete through the window!

Johnny

You would look great if you showed up in overalls.

Sharon

Yes but I want our wedding to be different than your sisters'.

Sharon

Everything has to go.

Berg

But what if butt ugly comes back into style?