Berg quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Berg

(to Pete) I just want you to know I support you 100% (turns away) Bill, it's starting!

Berg

7.48: having used eight hundred times the normal daily recommended dose, now experiencing a side effect of feeling extremely honest and, uh, forthright. I've never been more afraid in my life.

Berg

There's no blueprint for life! Okay, first it's meiosis, out of the womb, snip. Then you get a big ol' aneurysm and you slump over your desk! Okay, everything in between just happens, Pete! Enjoy it.

Berg

5.46: My roommate has just ingested four hundred times the daily dosage in just under twenty seconds. This will most likely be fatal. (Turns voice recorder off, then on again.) For me.

Berg

Listen, I might have poisoned my friend, and I need to know the side-effects. Yeah, it's a medical emergency. Hold- no, don't put me on hold! Don't put me on-- (singing) #and away! In my beautiful, beautiful... balloon!#

Berg

So, possible side-effects are sweating, stammering and... I'm sorry? He may become delusional? Well, what the hell kind of side-effect is delusional!? Haven't you people ever heard of diarrhea?

Berg

(Doing a Captain Kirk impression while talking to a skeleton) Bones! Talk to me, Bones. You've... got to say something... we've... shared so much. It's me, Jim, your... comrade, your... Captain, your friend. We've... got to talk about this. Show some... backbone, man!

Berg

How can you medical people go around playing fast and loose with something like estrogen? Well, I'm sorry I lied, but you gotta help me. I'm in a bad way. I'm taping Guiding Light, man!

Berg

You know Pete, nothing says "I Love You" like a pathetic lack of commitment.

Berg

These Milli Vanilli guys are awesome. It's like their music sounds so effortless. You know? It's like they're not even singing.

Berg

See, I realised something here tonight. Ashley is the most devious, conniving, double crossing woman I've ever met. We must have children together.

Berg

What am I supposed to do? Go up to every girl I meet at a party and say, “Excuse me, are you planning on dating Pete Dunville in 3 years?”

Berg

Holy incompatability, Batman.

Berg

How can what you have with Justin be so real if he can stand to be away from you for five months when I can’t even stand to be away from you for five minutes.

Berg

Look at me, ok? I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm a wreck. I mean, sure I still look good, but that's just genetics.