The Venture Bros. Season 3 quotes

The Monarch

(disappointed) Ohhh! Our lightning cannon SUCKS! Who loaded it with robot food?!

What the fuck is that thing?

Ummm, I think it's a giant robot with a ice cream cone for one of its arms. I think.

I gotta ask this, is there a reason why you are always using 21 and 24?

I know it sounds crazy, but they both have the rare blend of expendable and invulnerable that makes them the perfect henchmen.

Brock

Aww no fuckin' way! Late 60's ultra death ray! She's amazing! Saddle operated with Doom-code gearing. Freakin' gorgeous.

If this were a woman, I'd marry it.

And I'd jeopardize our friendship by nailing your hot wife.

Brock

So you just wanna kill the Monarch? You want to shoot him, and his wife? You could take his cattle, burn his village down.

The Guild of Calamitous Intent is antagonist relations only.

Jonas Venture Jr

So who handles the good guys?

Whoa! (offended) I think the less hurtful term is protagonists.

Jonas Venture Jr

Oh. Yes. Sorry. Who handles the protagonists?

What, are you serious? OSI! Duh!

Jonas Venture Jr

Can you patch me through?

Oh, sure. (laughing) Just let me get my red phone! The hotline!

No, I'll shine the OSI signal!

No no, if we really believe, click our heels together and-

Jonas Venture Jr

Okay, okay! I get it! (hangs up)

Newbie. Did you see his creepy little body?!

Oh my god, when you were a kid, did you ever make G.I. Joe hump Rainbow Brite ?

Yeah.

He's what their kid would've looked like.

(holding out his hand) Jonas Venture Jr?

Jonas Venture Jr

(folding his arms) I am. And who are the dead men I'm speaking to?

That's a joke.

Regular cut-up.

Should give him a reality show.

I'd watch it.

I'd watch it twice.

Even if Flava Flav was in it.

We were just passing by and heard that you had a butterfly problem.

And you see, me and my associate here are amateur lepidopterists.

Jonas Venture Jr

Yoooooouuu want to see my stamp collection?

Only if we were philatelists.

Which we aren't, Mr. Smart Guy.

Listen dude, don't get cozy with us. You're the guy who doesn't come back.

Yeah, some guy who just shows up that nobody's ever seen before!

And he's all professional- Yeah, dude, you're a goner.

(putting his arm around Henchman #1's shoulders) Let me tell you a story about a little henchman named Speedy...

You still don't get it. 24 and I have been on, like, a thousand missions. We've been shot at, dipped in acid...

Brock Samson hit me with a car. Drove right into my kidney. Here I am!

Yeah, we can walk across this floor and nothing would hit us. But then like this huge log would swing down and take your head off.

Hey, here; what's your name?

Henchman number 1.

See, you are nameless.

I'm Scott Hall, my name is Scott Hall. Okay?

No, won't help.

Yeah, now it's just pathos. So you're dying in my lap and I'm all "Scott! Scott don't you quit on us! Don't you dare!!"

You just made your unavoidable death more pathetic.

(pause) Fuck it. (begins walking across a laser tripwired floor) Nothing's gonna happen to me.

(after getting shot with tranquilizer darts) Oooohhh...It's like gettin' sucked off by an angel!

That baby's gonna kick like a virgin, so you have to re-level quick. Aim for the bastard's neck. Hold 'im up there, Kano! I don't care if he wets himself and your head; that boy is gonna see somebody die! And if he doesn't want it to be his father, he'll have to pull that trigger!

White! White! Get in here!

[shudders] Congratulations, you discovered pornography.

This isn’t an invention, it’s a responsibility. We need to study this, and if we find that it will help mankind move peacefully forward, then we shall share its teachings, because we are not only men of science, we -

We ... are men of hope.

How'd you know what I was gonna say?

Come on! Your dad said that at, like, the end of every episode!

I'm sorry. I didn't know we were out of options.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was sarcasm day.

I'm sorry I wasn't aware of your delicate constitution.

I'm sorry you smell like spoiled fruit.

Fantômas has a point.

How dare you, sir! Why, I smell of freshly cut flowers!