Baron Werner Ünderbheit quotes from The Venture Bros.

Baron Ünderbheit

Ooh, my sweet little Rusty, how many years have I longed for this moment? How many years has it been since... COLLEGE!?!

Baron Ünderbheit

Say hello to goodbye, Dr. Venture!

Baron Ünderbheit

Catclops? So you survived? Wait a minute, the cat hairs in my water! (lunges at Catclops) OF COURSE!!

Baron Ünderbheit

Is that what you think? Oh that is rich, I will have to tell Manservant that one. And he will have to laugh.

Hank

Wait! You lived with BROCK?? That is so unbelievably cool!

Dean

No wonder you guys are such super pals!

Actually... back then we didn't see much of each other...

We had very different schedules... always coming and going... at... different times...

Wait, tell 'em who really won the roommate lottery that year.

Oh, God, don't remind me.

Okay, so the university sticks me with this exchange student, (switch to college) but check it out, he's, like, a prince or something. His parents sent him a care package last week for his birthday. You know what he got? A personal slave. The poor guy sleeps in my closet. Speak of the dickweed. Hey, Werner.

Dean

Baron Ünderbheit!!!

(back to present) Yeah. You told 'em?

Dean

No, Baron Ünderbheit is right there!

Hank

Holy crap! Brock, kick his butt!

Brock

Relax, boys, he's not gonna do anything. It's hallowed ground.

Hank

So what was he (Baron Ünderbheit) like in the olden days?

Well, except for the metal jaw, pretty much the same—total dick.

Baron Ünderbheit

The tape is on the floor for a reason, Peter! Your things belong on your side of the room and don't think I haven't noticed that you moved it to make your area larger. If you cannot obey the simplest of rules...

Yeah, well, you don't make the rules, fella. You might be a big shot in your own country but around here you're just a kid with the weirdest-smelling lunch.

Baron Ünderbheit

ARRRRRRGGGGHHH! Very well! Then you leave me with no choice but to take this up with the R.A. at the next floor meeting. Come, man-servant.

Who cuts his hair, the Incredible Hulk?

What, did he walk into the barbershop and say, "what can you do to make me look more like Pete Rose?"

Hey, what's wrong with his hair? I have, like, the same haircut.

Yeah, but you're Chinese, your people can't be blamed for what your hair does.

I'm Japanese, jerk-off. But yah, that's so true. At least I don't have his eyebrows.

You wanna see eyebrows, come to my Creative Writing class. There's this kid, no joke, they're out to here, and the weirdness doesn't stop there. All he writes are these way-too-specific poems about monarch butterflies. Total closet case!

Hank

(present) Okay, this is getting nuts. You're not gonna tell me that you went to college with the Monarch too! Where did you guys go, Super Crazy No-Way School?!

Brock

You did this. You did this, didn't you? (he attempts to charge Ünderbheit, nearly strangling Venture)

Baron Ünderbheit

(sarcastically) As usual, your detective skills are impeccable, Samson. You succeeded in exposing my sinister plan to lock myself in a dungeon, chained to an albino.

He's here, your graciousness!

Baron Ünderbheit

Who?

Dr. Venture, your...

Baron Ünderbheit

Say it again and it will be your last... time... saying his name.

Baron Ünderbheit

What are they doing here? Put them in the holding cells while I decide how they are to die!

We don't... we don't have holding cells, Your Thoughtfulness.

Baron Ünderbheit

No holding...! Fine. Put them in... the pantry.

Dean Venture

What have you done with Pop?!?

Baron Ünderbheit

Your father is resting comfortably in a makeshift holding cell, soon--

Dean Venture

What have you done with my brother?!?

Baron Ünderbheit

He, too, is being held in the--

Dean Venture

What have you done with our secret agent bodyguard?!?

Baron Ünderbheit

(frustrated) They're all in the same place, okay?!?

Now, gentleman, before we start reviewing potential candidates, you need to keep one thing in mind: SPAWM.

Baron Ünderbheit

That awful comic book!

Oh, and that movie? What was Martin Sheen thinking?

Not SPAWN, S-P-A-W-M.

Great Scott, what is he doing here?

Well you're the one who was eavesdropping.

He mumbled something about industrial espionage, and then he kept taking about "annie get your gun". You think it’s some type of code?

Baron Ünderbheit

He’s on to us!

You'er both being paranoid. Don’t you see what this is? Its opportunity knocking at our door. [Looks at Ünderbheit] Who disfigured you for life, and help Girl Hitler steal your throne? [Looks at Impossible] Who seduced your wife, then passed her off to his brother for sloppy seconds? I’ll tell you who. The very same cretin who allied with his own enemies to thwart me at Cremation Creek, and the battle for the ORB. Gentlemen, The Revenge Society just landed itself its first assignment, kill Dr. Venture!

What, like right now?